The battle, it’s in my brain.

Don’t know if I’m explaining this in a way that makes sense to anyone else but these words are for me. To get them out of my head and to remind myself of what the truth is, for me.

The battle between submissive to Him and being my dominant self is in my head.

The tones of voice are the same. The actions and reactions outwardly look the same. The words chosen are the same ….. the patience, the manners and the acceptance of His decision, all are the same!

I think a comment made just a bit ago on one of my posts says it all. The difference is being a partner and not just along for the ride. Sharing responsibility not just depending on the other to solve it all …

When nothing needs tending or fixing or changing. When nothing needs correcting or reminding or guiding. When nothing is out-of-place ….. and no play time has been had in a while, …. no ‘maintenance’ as they call it.

That’s when my brain starts to wonder. Am I leading? Am I following?  Is He?

Our play time is not just stress relief but it’s also a reminder that He ‘has this’, that He can take on whatever comes next and that I am not alone. It’s a fun and physical way to make that connection. It’s the most basic form and the most effective, for us.

When life steals that from me I have a harder time asking, because that’s when it feels different, that’s when I get unsure. I know the answer, i wrote it. Ask anyway …… it’s just getting past that mental block that’s hard.

But a bunny never stops. So ‘i got over myself’ *wink* and asked anyway.

Being submissive to Him is easy, getting out of my head, now that’s another matter entirely.

** Please don’t give me a bunch of comments about how being submissive is hard work, I get that. My experience is that submitting to the Bear has never been a problem. That is not where ‘my’ battle lies.**

9 thoughts on “The battle, it’s in my brain.

  1. Your battle lies where all the most epic battles start right between your ears, I get that. I never fight with kitten or the kids, not even with people I dislike. Why is it I must constantly subdue myself with never ending arguments ok maybe not never ending but the occasional second guess when I wouldn’t second guess any one else. So those are my thoughts and it’s Saturday , I need a nap now be well

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, S! I get that, it’s not never ending but it is that ‘once in a while’ that tends to be a pain in the rear, and for me, always at the time I could use the ‘asking’ more than ever! LoL Life right? Never a dull moment!

      Hope you enjoyed your nap! I, decided to ask to take advantage of some time opportunities I noticed …. and I’m feeling more relaxed for it! So is The Bear! *wink*

      Like

  2. Oh nij, I’m having the same one myself, and have for a while. The mind knows what it knows and knows what it needs to do, but knows it’s not that easy either, and doesn’t know why, then starts making up its own narrative instead. It’s being able to do it anyway, push past those blocks in there…there it lies. Sometimes the blocks are just too big, or are they? Rambling…hope you get it x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh you’re not rambling Kis, I get it! Mental chains self imposed are the strongest I have ever encountered, nothing and no one else compares.
      My fears go well beyond ‘topping’, maybe i’ll try to explain some day. 🙂 Thanks for commenting, it’s always nice to hear that one makes some sense every so often! *giggle*

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, I don’t think being submissive is hard work (at least it’s not for me). Am I doing it wrong? The pressure is always on my dominant wife who has to make the final decision on everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well Cincy, I am a firm believer that when it comes to this and your relationship, no one can say it’s right or wrong. Only the two of you have the answer to that question. If you are both happy and satisfied with where you are then you are doing it just fine! *wink*

      Many people out there in blogland struggle with finding their balance, their happy place in the relationship and so they struggle to find peace and contentment. I didn’t want anyone in that position thinking I didn’t understand that it can be hard, even if that part is not my struggle. Hope that makes sense!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think for some of us that is true, but I think for some the battle lies in the heart. I haven’t had to battle my heart since I was in my early 20s. To me that part is easy, my mind on the other hand, she likes to put me through the ringer. Mostly because what i’m thinking is true. It’s complicated … 😉 isn’t it always? *chuckle*

      Liked by 1 person

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