Ask …. it’s okay!

One of my favourite sayings is ‘get over yourself’, if it’s not falling out of my face you can bet it’s on my mind! *chuckle* I don’t say it often, not really, but boy does that record play over and over in my head.

Well, this weekend I plan on using that saying, with myself! *wink* It’s time and I need some fun. I need to get some relief so that getting back ‘in the game’ isn’t so daunting!

Funny how hard it is to ask for what you want, just ask. Put is out there, see what happens.

It seems to get all mushed up with the ‘no, that’s topping’ idea. It does for me anyway. Always the same thing, ‘you can’t just put toys out, that’s topping’. ‘You can’t just ask for some impact, you can’t just grab the cuffs and present them to your Dom’ …

Oh no, no, no …. making clear what you need is topping, you need to wait until they figure it out, find the time and opportunity hidden in plain site that they just missed but you saw.

These are the times that my personality and my lifestyle collide. I’m the planner, I’m the one who sees every opportunity, I’m the one ….. we all have our strengths and this is one of mine.

Can’t just be upfront and say ‘hey, look at that, we have a moment, can we make use of it? And this flogger’??

Yup, using my favourite saying on myself this time. Getting over myself and just putting it out there. I need to get this momentum going in the right direction. Too much nothing is just too much! Sex alone doesn’t do it for me …… I need more.

It will need to be quieter play, I will need to be quieter …. could be an adventure there!

I’ve never been one to give in! *wink* So here we go ….

Better hang on to your socks, Sir! I know you’re working the weekend, I’ll make the coffee extra strong! *giggle*

Happy Friday! *wink*




10 thoughts on “Ask …. it’s okay!

  1. Never once have I felt topped from the bottom when presented with a flogger by kitten she never says anything just hands me a flogger then wiggled for all I know she wants me to dust with ot . I on the other hand get other ideas and appreciate the good reminder

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your response, S! These are the types of things I wish I could find out there more often. Words like what you are telling me now, reassuring that I can do both remind AND follow, at the same time.

      I know it’s true and I know it makes sense but when I get into ‘mamma bear’ mode and i’m kicking @ss and taking names it becomes more difficult to feel that i’m still okay to ask, because i don’t want it to seem like ‘telling’ instead.

      Sorry if i’m confusing today, it’s been another long one. *smiles* Hope you guys are good!


      1. Oh I under stand your problems with the school my daughter has special needs as well my late wife and I fought and fought with the schools they sure don’t like to think outside the box do they by the end of her school career I knew three different superintendents by their first names


  2. In regards to “topping”:

    A submissive giving information to their mate is perfectly normal. This voice should always be met with attention and an open mind as (for the dominant) this is a part of the responsibility that came with the power. It doesn’t matter if the topic is a rough workday, a knee that hurts, a movie that looks interesting or pent up desire. This type of communication is vital and should be respected.

    Revealing any of these and leaving/trusting the leader to best decide a course of action is of no concern. The story would be different were the submissive to speak of an interesting new film and TELL the leader when they should see it and where they should eat after.

    In one scenario, the trust is shown as they thought is presented. In the other, a follower told the leader what to do. One is submission and the other could easily be seen as “topping”.

    Make sense?


    1. Ah yes, thank you C, it makes perfect sense. I think it was just the wording in the first comment that threw me a bit.

      This is actually very much the ‘issue’ that arises for me from time to time, especially when I’m out in full force planning and telling everyone else where they need to be and how they need to go about their duties.

      You see, the Bear much prefers for ‘me’ to find the film, find the place to eat and figure out which date and time would best fit our schedule. He prefers to have me do all of that and then simply ask him to ‘sign off’ on it.

      It is very rare that He says no or makes a change, I almost always have it just the way He likes. The only time it may change from what I have already planned is just a simple preference, but that almost never happens. I know Him well and my plans always take what He wants and likes into consideration first and foremost.

      When I’m in charge of everything else, and then I have to be the one to bring things up here too it ‘feels’ different then when I’m not out there running the show quite so intensely.

      I don’t know if you remember but quite some time ago we came to the conclusion that I am the leader …. and He the Ruler. Do you remember?


      1. I do.

        Personally, I see nothing wrong (“topping”) to this arrangement if it is his preference. It is a place where I advise folks to handle their relationship as works best for them and let go of the so called “rules”.

        Just my opinion as always.


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