I remember the early days when I was searching and learning and try to navigate the way through this new dynamic we had embraced. The surge of energy in the bedroom was obvious and we already knew it fit nicely into the rest of our days, the rest of our life. It was already set up much in the same way.
One constant that was brought up was ‘not topping’, not taking control in any way now that you had given it over. It would defeat the dynamic and set you back to square one. Okay, fair enough …. but what about the flow of energy that maintains any relationship? How does that fit into this ‘sit back and let Him lead’ business?
This idea brought me much trepidation and caused many days of frustration as well, until I shrugged it off and began again, ‘my way’.
The idea of what was ‘leading’ and what was feeding the relationship was very much skewed. Beware the ‘how to’ sites and chat rooms is all I can say. They may be well-meaning but in many cases the confusion seems to be the only thing you leave with.
So now I do what feels right and if it spurs something on in Him than perfect! Yes it might be what ‘I’ wanted but if He wasn’t on board He would let me know.
Getting ready this weekend for our day and after the shower He found me in the bathroom getting my hair dry. He touched my neck in a moment in between tasks and I felt the surge of energy through me. The one that puts you in that mind space where you want to be His. It wasn’t charged with dominance from His side, not exactly, it’s just a natural move for Him, until …..
I let the energy flow through me, I didn’t stop it because I was busy, I went with it. I literally leaned into it, right against His chest. The energy through me spurred it in Him. The way He stood and touched me then changed, almost instantly. It wasn’t a sexual action, it wasn’t even a different action but the energy changed.
Our day was busy and full of things to do and places to be. He might not have started off on the dominant high, but He was now. Every touch and look was now just slightly different and our would be vanilla day was now much more. More touches, more knowing glances, more ….
Everything is as much or as little ‘D/s’ as you want to believe it is. He’s not the only one responsible for keeping this going. Asking and showing what I want is not topping either ….