‘Friend number’ and Poly

Okay, I’m back, with hopefully a real post this time. Did you all miss me?? *giggle* I was busy climbing the walls! *wink*

I heard this ‘report’ some time back and I knew it was going to make an appearance here because, well, that’s the only real way to get things out of my head. So after some time of thinking on it and some reading of other blogs I have figured out how to make it make sense, and maybe be of interest here on this blog.

The report was about friends/friendships and that we all actually have a set ‘friend number’. It’s the amount of people we can have in our ‘circle’ before it gets over loaded and someone has to leave! Yeah, at first I thought ‘no way’, that sounds ridiculous. Why would we be forced to just set a limit to the amount of friends we can ‘carry’ in our lives. And besides, as we grow and change and our life circumstances change surely that has an effect on the number of friends as well, doesn’t it??

Apparently, in my case anyway and of those around me, it does not change! Now I don’t mean facebook friends or online follower friends, I mean real, in your life people, real friends.

So this leads me to poly relationships and why I am completely against them, for me, for us. This is probably not for the reasons you might think. Although I have no desire to share or be shared, and neither does the Bear, it is not the thing that really makes poly relationships very undesirable to us.

Reading a wonderfully insightful post over there at Sir and Kitten’s Pleasure Place about sexuality and exploring I got to thinking along the lines of this post. The more I thought the more I reinforced the idea that I like to explore and I do have fantasies, some that can even make a Bear blush, but some things really are best left as fantasies. Although poly has never been a fantasy of mine I know it is not something I even wish to explore.

The reason for this? The friends number, for both me and The Bear actually. My friend number is 2, and that includes the Bear as one. His friend number is about 3 and I would say that includes me too.

I couldn’t imagine being in a poly relationship without being friends ….. but that would mean that my friend would need to be pushed out of my life so that I could add another. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. That would essentially mean the same for the Bear! On top of the fact that we both have very small ‘circles’, I don’t make friends very easily or quickly as I’m sure is apparent by my ‘number’.

The Bear is the extrovert, He likes to be out and socialize but He makes acquaintances, not friends. I can’t imagine wanting to get into a poly relationship with someone who is just an acquaintance and would never be anything more.

Reading the adventures of Dayliacatt over at Fetcetera has confirmed all my thoughts. They sound to be having a wonderful time learning about each other and growing their circle of friends. I think it’s wonderful, for ‘them’.

To me the whole thing just sounds like work, not fun. Having to see that many people on a regular basis and ‘play nice’ is just not something I would want on a regular basis. I write about that from time to time on my other site but just let me tell you that I am NOT a people person.

I am still recuperating from having to be out and about at Christmas time. *chuckle*  We had lots of parties and places and they were all fun, but that is more than enough socializing for me. Afterwards I need a break from people to recharge.

I have been off work since the end of June, outside of appointments and shopping for basics I have not been anywhere or seen anyone besides my brother, twice. I don’t feel bored, I don’t feel lonely and I don’t feel like I’m missing anything either. I enjoy the quiet and solitude. I only wish it could last much longer!

Friend numbers ….. I guess they really don’t change!

Sexuality and exploring aside, I would never enjoy poly or sharing, it’s simply not in my DNA. The same reason that munches and other such get togethers also don’t appeal to us.

14 thoughts on “‘Friend number’ and Poly

  1. Ooh alone time! That sounds so peaceful and lovely. Our house is buzzing with kids and dog and toys and its overstimulating. i have never heard of the ‘friend number’, but it does make sense. Especially seeing as how i am very introverted and feel exhausted by too much social stuff. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it is lovely! *grin*

      I have two dogs and two cats and two teenagers but everyone seems to stay nice and calm. No one really makes an appearance unless they need something so I still get lots of alone time, well with the dogs laying at my feet normally. 😀

      My teens are introverts as well so there is no need for a full house here! A little bit of socializing goes a long way, I hear yah!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This post really interested me, and I think I may have skim read the report myself.
    I am enjoying growing my friend number. I have five friends who I know I could call (or vice versa) at 3 am if things ere too much. A far cry from my married years where it was one. P.
    I have a wider circle of friends who are wonderful, and include a 1am set, play partners and other such wonderful people. As someone who is an introvert I am open and honest with my friends and they know there are times I won’t want to be communicative, enabling my freedom and independence. I think this is something they like about me, my non-needy nature.

    Poly is something different for me. I’m not entirely sure where I sit on the mono/poly spectrum (is that the right word?) but I imagine in an ideal world I would be emotionally monogamous with my sexuality and total surrender in His hands. I think this makes me a swinger/slut which is fine by me. But I have made friends with swinging friends over the years since my separation and are a big part of my life.
    Now I’m blathering on…

    Suffice to say, it’s great to see you back with a very thought provoking post. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks BFS, I’m glad I made you think! It’s nice to write something others can take something away from.

      I understand how you see a difference in your friend number from your married years BUT if I recall correctly, your married ‘friend number’ was imposed on you and not really your natural ‘happy number’ let’s say. Given the opportunity, is it possible your number would have been 5 (or whatever) instead of just P?

      I don’t think imposed situations were part of the overall result because that’s not really our choice after all. Just a thought. 🙂


  3. Wonderful post Nijntje. It is amazing to know my stuff stimulates other people to think about their own lives. You are a very considered person and sometimes you write a wonderful post that almost allows us to see your mind working. Thanks for a great post. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Kitten! I’m glad you enjoyed it, the fun ones are fun but these are the ones that I enjoy writing the most! *smiles*
      Be careful what you wish for though … watching this mind’s trains of thought could very easily cause a collision in your own! *chuckle* But you are right, this is a bit of a glimpse as to how I process … *grin*


  4. Wow. As I was reading I had a number in my head that was much higher. When you said 2 it was a surprise… in a good way because, if I stretch my friend number it may be 2 🙂 . My wife and I have talked about how we dont really have friends but originally, she attracted me because she was outgoing and did have friends. I may have rubbed of on her 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LoL I don’t think you can change someone’s natural number just by being around herwish! The Bear had many more ‘friends’ when we met too but the truth is they were all just acquaintances.

      We both will easily socialize when needed, when we want to but it’s not something we require in order to be happy. He deals with people on a daily basis and that’s enough for Him, when it comes to home time He, like me, is happy to just keep it quiet.

      There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just a personality type, not an issue that needs fixing. I think the only time you need to worry about it is if you are unhappy with your ‘quiet’. If you are happy with a small circle, then be happy my friend! *wink*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh yes! I like it quiet. So we dont have anything to fix except reconcile ourselves that we are not socialite animals 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I totally agree with you. I’ve never had a large circle of close friends. In truth I prefer being home alone. I’ve always been a homebody, enjoying my house and family above all. Poly relationships are very intriguing and I enjoy learning about how others live – but not for us! Too many feelings to consider and variables to add in.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, it was interesting to think through as well. 🙂 When i really broke it down to the basics i realized that my number never has changed, it explained a lot!


Comments welcome! :D

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.