I’ve never had a romantic D/s relationship before but I have certainly had plenty of experience with dominant and submissive ones. I can spot one from a mile away ….
You see, a dominant and submissive relationship is part of all of our lives, all of the time, some people just simply don’t realize it. Now I’m not talking about the kink and sex parts, no, I’m talking about the division of power and the rules that come along with that. Some rules are written out in contract form and some are just understood. Normally that part happens over time and experience together, you learn the limits and rules together in whatever adventure you are on.
The contracts and obvious setup is normally in a job situation or PTA or maybe even in your volunteering. You know your position in the group, what you are responsible for and what will happen if you don’t get it done or done right. Someone takes charge and others follow, hopefully with good communication but you know your place! Surprise you’re in a non-kinky D/s relationship! LoL
Some are a bit less obvious like perhaps family situations, friend groups or maybe a book club or coffee circle. There is not always a specific setup to follow so we fumble around for a bit until we figure out everyone’s needs and wants. We figure out what our limits are and eventually, if you look, you can see the emergence of the one taking charge. Another D/s relationship … *chuckle* less formal but with good communications and if everyone’s needs are met and they feel comfortable in their place it works well.
Knowing your needs, knowing your wants and knowing your limits is a great way to be in all aspects of life. In many situations you will either be in a leadership role or in a following one and hopefully they will be consensual. The follower should strive to fulfill their set role and so too should the leader. Sounds familiar at all, anyone??
When both parties are working together and communicating with the appropriate openness along the way (let’s face it not all your information is required in a work relationship!) the relationship thrives and everyone is happy.
If the follower starts getting their nose out of joint and pouts and complains but doesn’t talk, then things go south. When the leader stops paying attention to the needs of his/her followers and starts thinking themselves too ‘great’ or also sulks instead of communicating their needs then it also goes south.
As these relationships move along they will often evolve and the requirements change. It’s important to assess where things are and review the ways in which we ensure the needs of the group are being met from time to time. This also works in romantic relationship, you really should just sit and touch base every so often to see how everyone is doing and if changes need to be made to keep things flowing happily!
All we are doing here is taking those same ideas and moving them into a kinky and possibly sex inclusive relationship. Just like all these relationships, each one is individual, some are more formal and some are less. Unlike some of these other relationship however, kinky D/s relationship (I’ll call them that for ease of understanding but some are service oriented among other things.) are all negotiated and consensual.
Relationships that involve a division of power are all around us we just don’t call them D/s. Division of power in the home is also a very common thing, it’s very obvious throughout history. The main difference here is that it’s consensual, we have a voice and we have a choice.
** Not sure where this ramble came from, it started as one thing and changed completely. I have a post(s) that I have needed to write for a while and I just can’t seem to get to it. For my own sanity …… I guess this is my brains way of procrastinating! LoL Aren’t you all lucky, a rambling rabbit with a migraine! Hopefully I’ll have something better, later. *wink * **