Since I asked the questions I thought I should provide you with *my* answers. NOT because they are gospel, NOT because they are ‘right’, just because you might be interested! *wink*
How important is sex to your BDSM life?
It’s not. When I started experimenting with BDSM I quickly found that for me there were two very distinct needs. One was to add a bit of dominance to the act of sex, that always makes things ‘work’ much more quickly and well, pretty much without fail, regardless of what mood I was in before hand. The other however had nothing to do with sex.
Does BDSM automatically involve sex and orgasms?
To me BDSM, or at least certain aspects of it, have absolutely nothing to do with sex. There are many times that I am in ‘need’ of bondage and especially impact play and sex really is the furthest thing from my radar. TBH there are many times I simply don’t want to mix the two at all. I will gladly add BDSM to sex but I don’t always want sex with my impact play.
Are sex and BDSM always together?
They are not and neither do they need to be, but around here with the shortage of time and privacy, if we are lucky enough to engage in some form of BDSM than it does often end in sex as well. Once in a while I get lucky and the Bear will offer up a flogging session to ease my sore shoulders and back. Heavier, louder sessions are not often had unfortunately. Too many other ‘ears’ in the house besides the long furry rabbit ones! OYE!
Do your scenes always end in sex and/or orgasm?
Like I said, lately the two things are usually combined and ‘sex’ as in intercourse, is not always present but orgasms are usually the end goal. How that is achieved varies, when we’re lucky and the opportunity strikes (get it! LoL ) I can easily orgasm from ‘impact’ alone.
When we were lucky enough in the beginning, we would often be able to separate the two entirely. Well that might be misleading, sex often had aspects of dominance in one way or another but our ‘scenes’ didn’t include sex.
Is BDSM simply another way of having sex?
The short answer, no.
To me BDSM enhances my sex life and although it is not always present it is always a welcome addition.
Sex however can and is taken out of the equation for me completely when I need a session to rest and relax my mind and body. The usage of bondage and impact play are the two things I rely on to give me that ‘brain vacation’.
I have found that it lowers my stress levels, helps with my sleep and mood over all AND it’s also an amazing tool at pain management in the day-to-day. For someone who suffers from chronic pain, THIS is way better than drugs.