When we first started down this path I was the one to ask the Bear to try out this ‘lifestyle’. It was shortly after we had already decided to play around in the bedroom with some of these concepts and rituals. I was enjoying the quiet my mind felt when we played that way and I remembered some reading I had done early on, by a dominant, of how things really worked 24/7. Curious to see if I could keep that quiet a bit longer through my days, I asked.
I was always the one in charge of everything before. It made sense, I was home, I was the mom and the kids and their issues really was my area of expertise. It fits perfectly with my personality type anyway, the planner, the organizer, the one with the direction and determination to keep things moving. Before I stayed home to work I ran a billing and accounting department for a couple of internet companies, I know money, I know budgets and I know how to make a long-term plan.
Everything from vacations, to finances to kids and school and home. All of it was on my shoulders, alone. Needless to say it was a bit of pressure being always on when I had another perfectly capable adult standing next to me. When the boys were younger it wasn’t such a big deal but as they grew and their issues grew I became more and more wrapped up in my head, every second planning and thinking. It was never-ending and I was getting exhausted.
I felt like a single mom (not that there is anything wrong with that) and I wanted Him to start helping to pull some of that weight.
The Bear had one condition, just one really. He would only take on this new lifestyle on a trial run IF He was given full control over taking care of me. *Apparently* I’m stubborn and don’t know when to quit, I do too much and push myself too far …. not sure where He gets that idea from!?!
My point here is that His FIRST PRIORITY is my welfare, period. If He can’t keep me happy, safe and balanced in this He will not do it. (No, I’m not saying my happiness is in His hands, well yes but no. No one is charged with making you happy, you make yourself happy, it comes from within, but just for the sake of the post … we’ll say it this way.)
If your dom/me doesn’t find that to be a priority of theirs than perhaps the relationship is not one you want. If you’re looking to play around and that’s all than have at it. It’s no different from ‘vanilla’ casual sex relationships, but if you want more, get more, or leave.
There are people out there that want to keep it causal, there are people out there who want to be treated poorly, there are people out there who really do enjoy being miserable. They are happy in their constant state of angst, so let them be.
To the rest of you, if that’s not what you want than don’t settle, there is more and you can do more. If the current ‘community’ outlets are not allowing for that than move else where. There are enough of you, move your platform and do your own thing. The current platforms started somewhere …. you can to.
I know some of you have lost a friend recently and this by no means has anything to do with that so I hope my song choice doesn’t offend.
You can’t ‘save’ everyone, not everyone wants to be ‘saved’. This is not a new concept.
Live and Let Die – PAUL McCARTNEY & WINGS
So to my friends out there trying to make a difference or getting wrapped up in the fact that some simply don’t want to hear you, let them go.