Respect – Limits

I don’t give my respect easily. That’s not to say I don’t act respectfully, I just happen to have very high standards that seem to be a thing of the past these days. Once my respect is lost however, it’s gone for good. Is that right? Is that wrong? I can’t say, but it is who I am.

I don’t make rash decisions either, I take the time to think through all possible avenues before I decide. Once decided the direction is final, unless you can bring me new information that might sway my choice, otherwise it stands. Again right, wrong? Don’t know, it’s just me.

I’m also not a highly emotional person, I prefer facts and actions to emotion. Usually makes me look quite harsh to some I’m sure. I’m not trying to be harsh I’m just a very fact and action oriented person, I get the job done. ‘Feel’ about it later …

I don’t suffer fools, I don’t join cliques and I don’t do social media …. must be why I didn’t realize that this lifestyle I have embraced has so much negativity associated with it.

A partner who is constantly badgered and pressured to change or accept something that they have deemed against their better judgement and moral code is abused. If they are constantly made to feel that they are not good enough because of it and told they will never amount to much, never find a new relationship etc etc … that’s manipulation and abuse.

You eventually start to believe what you were told and you start to accept things and actions even though your life is miserable and you are very unhappy. This is mental and emotional abuse. You start to defend your abuser and think you actually do want to be there. That’s called ‘battered wife syndrome’ although it most certainly is not only women or wives.

Just because you add letters like BDSM, D/s, M/s or ‘dynamic’ to it doesn’t make it okay. We don’t call it moral code we call it hard limits, they are to be respected and accepted, or move on! Just because you have added letters to your relationship doesn’t mean you get to push and badger and manipulate someone until they have no choice but to let you pass by their limits like they don’t matter.

Coercion is not consent. No matter what title you give yourself. Oh I know, it’s just *training* ….

** If you are in a relationship and your needs and limits are not being respected, get out. It doesn’t matter what they call themselves, they do not have the right to disrespect you. If this makes you more miserable than happy, than it’s not right. **

Let them keep their labels, my life is worth more than a label. What about yours?

5 thoughts on “Respect – Limits

  1. When I started exploring my kinks again four years ago I found the labels helpful, because it made things easier in this big wide world. Then I started spending time. On fetlife and the more I learnt the less I wanted to fit a mould.

    Coming from an abusive (entirely vanilla, no letters involved) marriage that need to be accepted was strong. Now I see so much toxic behaviour on fet and in my local community (don’t get me started!!) and I have realised that I can just be me. I don’t need to conform or fit in any boxes. I have almost entirely withdrawn from fet, and all the nastiness that goes on there. I have grown in confidence and understanding immeasurably and hope that others will do too.

    Great post, as always x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One of the things I love most about your posts is that they show the strength and confidence you have gained through your submission. To me that’s what it’s all about. I know you have had plenty to overcome and your story is truly inspirational!

      I too have faught against abuse all of my life. To now find out that I am associated with something that is riddled with abuse and manipulation turns my stomach. I don’t shun the labels because I don’t feel I fit, I shun them because I don’t want to fit!

      My hope is that anyone googling those letters will find these posts too!
      Thank you!

      Like

  2. Again, well said, our lives are definitely worth more than mere labels. You have my head spinning with thoughts, lil’Rabbit. Lol. Sooner or later they will find their way out of my head and onto the paper/screen.

    Liked by 1 person

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