Redemption in submission

Forty years old, on my husband’s lap. Eyes full of tears and heart racing  …

I finally felt ‘it‘, the it I started packing away at 2 years old. The it I thought I had lost by the time I was 8 or 10. The it I no longer expected. It just kept growing, holding me at its mercy even if I didn’t realize.

I finally felt what they did to me … I felt it!

The wall was breached, the feelings so long ago walled away were here, open, raw and real. The ones that kept me hostage and didn’t allow me to feel, really feel anything but hate and anger. Chained in purgatory for this part of my life.

Days and weeks spent afterwards coming to terms with what they were and why …

Now they are gone. I no longer hold hate or sadness. Pain, anger, regret, or unworthiness. All of it is gone. Acceptance and peace have taken their place and I am lighter now.

He gave me a safe space to feel, heal and move on. I am no longer hostage to negative feelings and thoughts.

In His lap I got to let my guard down, something I hadn’t done since I was old enough to begin to remember.

The warrior lowered sword and shield.

Redemption.

** Not my usual topic on this site, but I was inspired. **

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Redemption in submission

  1. Bit of quick math leads me to believe that you are the oldest rabbit I know. What is that in human years?

    (Didn’t we discuss there always being a smile possible no matter the situation?)

    Like

    1. 29 of course, and not a day over! LoL That many rabbit years have brought about a good amount of wisdom, the power of humour being one of those things! You’d be hard pressed to find me without a smile. Bear says I even sleep with one! *giggle*

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You reminded Kit of an inspirational story…shall copy and paste here:

    How heavy is this glass of water?

    A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

    Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

    She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

    She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

    It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You are such an inspiration (yes, to me, even if i‘m not sharing the same sexual playgrounds 😉) and your writing and humor are beautiful… maybe you are because you have seen dark times and were able to overcome them in the end… i‘m happy for you that you did and wish you all the strength and happiness and peace you deserve!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you Franny! That is super sweet to say. I know my growing up shaped a lot of how I think about things and puts all the ‘problems’ of today into perspective.

      I’ve always said that even though there were a lot of dark times I would not change any of them. They have made me the person I am today and I’m very happy with what I see in the mirror! 😀 ❤

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