Forty years old, on my husband’s lap. Eyes full of tears and heart racing …
I finally felt ‘it‘, the it I started packing away at 2 years old. The it I thought I had lost by the time I was 8 or 10. The it I no longer expected. It just kept growing, holding me at its mercy even if I didn’t realize.
I finally felt what they did to me … I felt it!
The wall was breached, the feelings so long ago walled away were here, open, raw and real. The ones that kept me hostage and didn’t allow me to feel, really feel anything but hate and anger. Chained in purgatory for this part of my life.
Days and weeks spent afterwards coming to terms with what they were and why …
Now they are gone. I no longer hold hate or sadness. Pain, anger, regret, or unworthiness. All of it is gone. Acceptance and peace have taken their place and I am lighter now.
He gave me a safe space to feel, heal and move on. I am no longer hostage to negative feelings and thoughts.
In His lap I got to let my guard down, something I hadn’t done since I was old enough to begin to remember.
The warrior lowered sword and shield.
** Not my usual topic on this site, but I was inspired. **