More reality, …. it’s not really about the sex and BDSM

…. although it is pretty fantastic!! *grin*

Today is yet another example of how ‘D/s’ has influenced my life. There is a classic car show that we have been going to every year for a few years now. I did a write-up about it, it was a good solid dynamic building experience for both of us, you can read it here!

Today is the day, and we didn’t go, and it was my ‘fault’! I know the Bear would never blame me and it won’t ever be mentioned again but I’m nobody’s fool, I know what went down! *giggle*

I know He wanted to go, I had already picked out the dress I was going to wear and sensible by appropriate shoes to go along. He likes to see how many eyes turn away from the cars when I walk by! LoL Silly old Bear ….

Today however the day is not very pleasant, it’s hot and humid and hazy. This does not help my body at all right now, or my allergies. I have already taken something for the pain (which I don’t normally) and something for my allergies and I’m still not functioning very well. My joints hurt, I have a splitting headache that comes and goes and I’m limping off and on.

I don’t hide from Him anymore, no matter what the agenda holds. I also don’t argue or feel guilty about whatever happens or whatever He decides. He is a big boy and He can make His own decisions. I am not His Momma or His keeper …. *exhales* what a relief! To be married to an adult, and know it! *chuckle*

I think many of us make ourselves responsible and worried about things when we really have no need to be. This dynamic means that He’s the Boss and He has final say. It also means that I am to be truthful and honest, always. Isn’t that funny? I think so, it takes a dynamic to makes us realize that we should treat our husbands like adults! *chuckle* Anyway ….

So today without much discussion, He decided we would stay home, the cars are always the same and over the years we really have seen them all.

Today He decided to play with me off and on, which helps my pain levels and of course keeps us connected, and to just relax.

I could feel bad or feel guilty because He missed it. I could have pushed to go, trying to manipulate the situation thinking I knew best. I could have hid my situation and paid for it later, making Him upset and likely feel guilty because of the outcome. I didn’t.

I let Him see what was going on and let Him decide what to do about it, that’s the point of it all after all, isn’t it? So I’m sitting here icing my knee, I feel better, we got some play time and He feels like He has taken care of me …

I’m guessing THAT feeling is worth more to Him than missing a car show that we have seen many times before. And I don’t feel guilty at all, I feel proud of myself for letting Him lead… *wink*

Thoughts anyone?



The beginning, MY beginning (in keeping with mental health month)

This song speaks volumes to me and this would be where the Bear found me …. I have come a long way. We have come a long way.

This is for my ‘family’ the ones that were supposed to care for me …. The Bear had a huge wall to climb and a long road to take, BUT here we are!

I’m alive, and have been for a very long time! Thank you Bear, for always supporting and standing with me. Through thick and thin, never divided.

It’s been a hell of a ride but I have ‘killed the past and come back to life’!

It’s a day of music, can you tell?? LoL *grin*

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun
Songwriters: David Jon Gilmour
Coming Back to Life lyrics © Imagem Music Inc

More than a label

It’s louder than words
The sum of our parts
The beat of our hearts
Is louder than words

The Bear and I will never be ‘just a label’. I am so very glad we never tried! ❤

My all time favourite band! Please enjoy!! Happy Saturday!! ❤

Pink Floyd Lyrics

“Louder Than Words”

We bitch and we fight
Diss each other on sight
But this thing we do

These times together
Rain or shine or stormy weather
This thing we do

With world-weary grace
We’ve taken our places
We could curse it or nurse it and give it a name

Or stay home by the fire
Felled by desire
Stoking the flame
But we’re here for the ride

It’s Louder than words this thing that we do
Louder than words – the way it unfurls
It’s louder than words – the sum of our parts
The beat of our hearts is louder than words
Louder than words

The strings bend and slide as the hours glide by
An old pair of shoes, your favorite blues, gonna tap out the rhythm

Let’s go with the flow
Wherever it goes
We’re more than alive

It’s Louder than words this thing that we do
Louder than words – the way it unfurls
It’s louder than words – the sum of our parts
The beat of our hearts is louder than words
Louder than words – this thing they call soul
It’s there with a pulse louder than words
Louder than words

A re-blog for mental health awareness month

This message is much too important not to spread, it touches everyone in all walks of life regardless of dynamic. this one just so happens to be D/s related and related to my last post.

This wonderful soul says I inspired her but if you ask me, THIS is the truly inspiring piece! I’m not in the habit of telling people how to do this ‘right’, everyone has their version but this aspect I think should be universal, it should be considered ‘right’.

No partner should be made responsible for the mental health of another, and no one should be taken advantage of due to mental health reasons either. Your partner is there to help and support but they should never be the one in charge of ‘fixing’ it.

Please read, you will not be disappointed! 😀

This is a subject I feel passionately about as it has been a part of my journey. I read a post by nijntje from nijntje & The Bear about mental illness called Give me wings to fly. and it prompted me to write this. I want to also say that I am not a professional […]

via Mental Illness and the Lifestyle — Sir and kittens Pleasure Place

Give me wings to fly!

There is an idea that I have found troubling for some time now. It’s an idea that I come across from time to time and I freely admit that when I find sites promoting these types of connections I don’t stick around long. I find them not only against my personal beliefs but also mentally dangerous to those who do engage.

Some out there seem to be under the impression that the ‘best’ submissives are those with mental health issues. (I said some, not all …. you can get off your high horse now.) It goes so far as to imply that those are the ‘real’ submissives, the good ones … blah blah blah …

Yet another aspect of these relationships is that BDSM and TPE is seen as the ‘thing’ that takes care of the mental health issues, whatever they may be, and that no further work or source of help is needed. Every time I read that BDSM or TPE ‘saved’ me I just cringe. It might explain the awful anguish and even suicidal thoughts you hear about when the relationship falls apart! *shakes head*

A co-dependency of this nature is NOT mentally healthy. It should not be viewed as the goal of any relationship. Speaking from my dominant side, with those that are under my care, I view it as my job to make them strong, independent, self-sufficient … able to grab life by the horns and take it where ever they choose.

I have no want to catch a bird, clip it’s wings and cage it, chain it and then possibly leave it to parish if I’m gone! I prefer a bird that comes to me of its own free will and although it can leave and manage on its own at any time, it chooses to stay by my side. It chooses to follow ….

Likewise if I find a bird that can not fly my goal will be to teach it to fly, not to continue to make it dependent on my hand to move and live. My job will be done when it leaps into the air, soars through the skies and then comes back to perch on my arm of its own free will.

I believe our mental health to be of the same nature and spirit as that bird ….

If you think that makes me less of a submissive because I am not reliant on this ‘lifestyle’ or ‘dynamic’ to function in a happy and healthy way than I guess that’s your issue, not mine.

I CAN do whatever I want, whenever I want and to whatever degree I choose. I choose to sit at His feet and let Him lead, not because I need Him to, but because I have chosen Him to. I would be just fine without this, I choose to stay.

I’m not here because I can’t imagine anything else …. I’m here because He has inspired me to stay.

If that’s not submission than I don’t know what is.


The real difference, to me.

I got a text today, well the Bear got a text because I don’t have a cell phone. What and where is going on with my oldest in regards to evening plans, that are up in the air.

I heard the sound, he has his own so we know it’s not ‘junk mail’ and just at the same moment the Bear was going out the door. Before I realized Bear was on His way out I asked, ‘so what’s up’?

I looked around, came out of the kitchen and realized the Bear was in the driveway ….

Before D/s and this new ‘dynamic’ I would have felt the need to go outside, check on the message and make sure all the things needing attention were taken care of …. before I would have felt the need to stop my evening R&R and get back ‘at it’.

Today, …. today I heard the ring, realized the Bear had just stepped out and I turned around and thought, ‘oh well, He’s got it. If He has a question He’ll ask, otherwise, He’s got this …’ *wink*

Before I felt I needed to take care of everything …. now I have a partner!

Our relationship started to change because we had kids I think, I made myself responsible, I became Momma Bear, don’t we all? But the Bear didn’t step up and I didn’t ask … we both made mistakes. We have learned ….

So today, I turned around and walked away …. He’s got this. That’s what’s really changed, that’s what the calm is all about! *grin*


Labels are funny things

I was hoping this wasn’t necessary but I think I should err on the side of caution and write this out anyway …

The Bear is just *my* Bear, like a teddy Bear and not like someone who takes on male submissives.

I don’t do DD/lg and I don’t call Him daddy, just not my/our thing … Bear is the adult equivalent for me/us I suppose you could say. It’s my silly, goofy, squishy teddy bear counterpart. Where adult issues and worries are put aside and the goal is fun and laughter. It’s not a childish state but it is one of no worries or stress, just play whatever form that might take ….

I tend to be a bit of a hippie, a bit bohemian in my natural stress free state and that would likely be the best description …. carefree and wonder ….

So just to set the records straight, we are married and monogamous … heterosexual and not looking to add to our relationship in any way.


Have an awesome day everyone! 😀

Love You Always, Sir! ❤


Holiday Monday

Happy Victoria Day everyone!

We slept in this morning, that rarely happens …. enjoyed some coffee and then a nice sit down for brunch!

brunchI’m not sure what else is on the agenda today. There are a couple of things to finish up in the yard, might get to that.

It’s a nice day out, maybe a dog walk before the rain …. maybe just laze around and enjoy each others company. *grin*

Not much different from anyone else I suppose. The only real difference is that I wear my cuffs and collar and He knows He’s the man of the house …. we said so, out loud. LoL

I used to be responsible for everything, now I don’t have to be, now I have someone who helps carry the load.

The rest is just sex and kink, it comes and goes depending on time and opportunity.  It’s not the main thing. Knowing that He’s got my back, that’s the main thing.

Happy Monday! ❤

The reality, well MY reality … *wink*

I’m feeling a lot better today even though the rain and clouds are still threatening …. did a bunch of yard work yesterday, it’s really looking great and I’m hoping we have very little to do the rest of the season. All the work last year and an early start this year are looking like they might pay off! Yippee! *grin*

I got up early this morning and the Bear wasn’t far behind. I think He likes watching me feel around in the semi-dark room, trying to find something to wear or put on for if and when the boys get up. If it’s nice enough I have no problem running around naked, I’ve often said I’d make a great nudist!! LoL I just don’t want to be a round other people, but that’s a different site! *grin*

Anyway, this morning as He was rubbing my shoulders and, um, … other parts, and it was still early enough, I suggested that now might be a good time for some impact play. Just a short session before we had to wake the youngest for his medication. I know, I know … he’s the Dom so He’s supposed to think of everything right? Yah, no ….

So he thought that was a great idea and we started making preparations. The short rub down had already started to get me into the mindset anyway so the timing was perfect! Except … where?? Normally we run downstairs for privacy and noise control but I have had a few sick charges this week and the room(s) still need to be wiped and sanitized. Neither of us wanted to catch something so we chose not to go there. The garage? Normally that’s a yes but with the rain and damp the garage feels awful to me and doing anything out there on these days makes my body ache more instead of helping with the pain relief.

So here we are pacing back and forth trying to figure out just WHERE can we play that won’t wake the boys and won’t be a problem otherwise …. You don’t read that in the fantasy books and erotic sites, do you!?! LoL

We finally decided that the back porch was the place. It’s open to the back yard but mine is so secluded with trees and shrubs and whatnot that seeing in is not a huge issue, even if I do have 6 yards that back onto mine! If someone wants to see they really need to try hard, if that’s the case than …. enjoy!?!? *wink*It adds a bit of thrill to the day as well!! *giggle*

So after a fairly short but very effective session we came back in for breakfast, well His breakfast. On the weekend if we can manage it without kids up and about we have a certain ritual for breakfast. I make it for the Bear first and we do …. stuff, I’m not going into detail. Sorry.

Let’s just say that today He surprised me by doing something different, today He wanted to just put me on display for Himself ….

He essentially had me tied up in my own clothes by the end of it all. ‘Eyes closed’ were the only real orders or words, the rest was sitting, relaxing, clearing the mind …. eventually simply feeling the touch of His hands and the heat from His breath.

These are the only real times my mind goes quiet, my shoulders relax and my body heals ….

There was no sex involved, it’s not always about that. This is connecting on a completely different level. As a result I can walk and move my neck despite the rain and damp. I feel really good and my mind is clear.

I’ve been able to do my stretches and exercises for the day, which I might not have been able to otherwise, and the migraine I had coming on seems to be completely gone!

I started something by making a suggestion. He finished it quite nicely … for now. We both feel much better. The Bear is not grumpy and I’m not feeling like I got hit by a Mack truck!

Not exactly story book, but it’s our version of a fairy tale …… much better if you ask me!

Now I’m writing it here not only to give you all a sneak peak but also to let Him know just how much I enjoyed and appreciated this morning ….

A very nice and effective change, please do continue! Thank You, Sir! ❤

Happy Saturday All!

Love You Always, Sir! ❤