A must read!! Re-blog ** Safety Issues – by Sir and kitten ** with their permission

 

I don’t know how many of you belong to Fetlife but at the moment there is a really big ‘Hot Potato’ doing the rounds about safety for women and a few of the women there have decided to deactivate their accounts for three days.

It is a demonstration to try to get the owner of Fetlife to alter their terms of use. Women need to be able to feel safe and try to find a way to voice what has happened to them. They want to be able to name and shame the abusers and put a copy of what was said as proof. Right now you are not allowed to name the abuser. I am not here to go into all the crap flying in there but I want to speak about something I promote in here…SAFETY.

What I want to deal with is if you are safe while actively looking for a partner.

  1. If you are on a dating site you may have trouble making a profile stating your sexual preferences and Fetlife provides a way to do that. If writing your profile, be careful what you put into your fetishes. The fantasy of being abducted could be mistaken as a rape and that is a flag to every questionable character. Put just a few simple ones.
  2. Don’t put your face on Fetlife. You can put a part of your face on, like your mouth.
  3. Don’t put sexual pictures of your body in your profile as that will draw the trolls out of the wood work. There are those few on Fetlife that will tear you apart for them calling you disgusting names. Make sure you understand that they can get your pictures and plaster them anywhere.
  4. There is a list of things for what you want from Fetlife. Things like a Master, a Mistress, Events things you are looking for. If you put Dominant or Mistress you will get messages where the person might say ‘get on your knees slut’. Block them
  5. If a Dom messages you and his avatar is a question mark DON’T TALK TO THEM.
  6. Check out profiles and see how much they have said about themselves. IF IT IS EMPTY, don’t reply.
  7. If you get a friends request with no messages attached DON’T FRIEND THEM.
  8. If anyone is either abusive or threatening, BLOCK THEM.
  9. I am a member of Fetlife and I have only been abused once and it was a girl. I left that time. I went back and my profile clearly states I am attached, collared, and engaged to Sir. I am @Anything-for-Sir in there. If you read my profile it is a great way for me to ensure I don’t get any real activity except I love to write erotica there and to support Sir. I also put down I was looking for friendship. I will not friend anyone there unless they have spoken to Sir and that is on my profile. That is so he can protect me.
  10. If a man sends you a picture of his penis don’t bother talking to them. Same goes if he has only dick pics on his pictures.
  11. If talking on Fetlife blooms into a good relationship and you want to meet your date. MAKE IT A PUBLIC DATE. If the person tries to get you alone, DON’T GO. A good Dom will always respect a public meeting and be happy to do that.
  12. If you meet for a coffee somewhere and all they talk about is how good they are and talk about nothing else but sex, save yourself the heartache, they are not a good Dom. A good one will want to get to know you first.
  13. Make sure they know your limits and safe words and you can write them down and show them but only if you get on well.
  14. Have a number of dates in public but eventually you will graduate to being alone. This is something I would do to ensure my safety. Write down what you are going to do and what you will allow them to do and write it with every single thing you can think of. When you are getting close to wanting to take your relationship up a level get them to sign the list and take the list home because if something goes horribly wrong you will have a signed contract to show the limits of your relationship. IF THEY WON’T SIGN…WALK! If they ask ‘Don’t you trust me?’ I would say ‘no’ and leave.
  15. If they are cagey about their real name or they don’t talk about their real life, this isn’t mysterious. If they don’t talk much about themselves at best/ they could be hiding a wife and kids at home, at worse/ they could be a serial rapist. Run Away.
  16. If you are just looking for a play partner you must be safe too so learn as much as you can about them. They are looking for someone to have sex with, so will not be as willing to meeting in public, they just want regular sex.
  17. This is something I need you to know. First off this person has been banned for life from Fetlife. He is currently up on charges for rape. He is an Australian business man and he is rich and very handsome and he was going to places overseas to rape young women. He looked like the real stereotypical Dom but he was a monster. None of the girls had an abduction or rape fantasy he simply raped them.
  18. One little thing, ask for a medical certificate of STD’s. Ask them to have one and make sure you have one too. If they can’t, make sure condoms are used. Some will say ‘I’m allergic to condoms’, or they just rip them off just as they enter you. It is a breach of consent.
  19. If you go to event and someone is inappropriate with you, report them to the organizer. They will be your protection.

These are all of the ones I can think of but if you can think of others please give a comment. I pray I have not terrified you because we all need a safe environment to explore our sexuality.

I am not putting down Fetlife as it is great place when it works well. Please use it and have fun with it. If you are young and inexperienced take my warnings and it should keep you as safe as you can be.

If you have questions…Contact Us

Sir and kitten.

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Consensual Domination/submission?

** Written 2 1/2 years ago and unfortunately still valid today! **

So at which point do we cross over from consensual domination and submission to being simply immature and selfish. Sometimes even bordering on oppressive … I thought women having to play dumb went out in the 50s and 60s! Would you be upset with me for simply doing something to the best of my ability?

I thought one of the joys of these relationships was that we helped each other to be better than what we are alone! Wanting the best for each other despite our own wants and never putting our own selfish desires ahead of the other person is what makes us stand apart from the vanilla world.

If that’s the case, why in the world would you want me to pretend to be less than what I am just so that you looked better? Isn’t that the definition of a bully?

(Not about my relationship, just an idea that was going around on a ‘submissive’ site I was part of. I can’t get behind that concept at all!)

I like it

** This was one of the reasons I started this site 2 1/2 years ago, to show that you don’t need to put yourself lower than anyone else in order to be a good submissive. The idea that I should lower my self and my capabilities just so a ‘dom’ could feel better about themselves was ridiculous to me, and it still is.

The theme at the time was that the submissive felt bad because she won a board game while playing against friends and her dom. She knew he would be upset and even went on to preach that she should have known better than to do her best, she should have let him win. What?!?!?

The people around at the time were more than happy to agree and even chastise her for being too smart ….. LOL right! If you are not strong enough to take me on don’t pretend that’s my problem …. that’s your issue, not mine!

That is not dominant, that’s domineering ….

Unfortunately it seems that the idea is still out there and still bringing down the spirits of strong and independent people who also want to enjoy the benefits of submitting to their mates!

I guess a rabbit’s work is never done! **

 

Personal Post – Dear Stalker

I’ll write this as personal, and it is. It’s in response to something I read.

You must be ‘James Bond’ or a real coward. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t hide behind veiled accusations and threats.

The secret behind the power of the necklace is that it was put on a rabbit with a hell of a dominant streak. *wink* Ever watch Monty Python? I’m just a cute little bunny rabbit ….

I might submit to one man, but never anyone else.

Have fun chasing your tail BTW …. ‘Friends, country men, lend me your ears …. ‘

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The 3 day quote challenge! Day 3

I have been nominated for the 3 day quote challenge by:

A Leap of Faith

Thank you for thinking of me and for all the interesting and informative blog posts! I find her stories full of inspiration and a real life account that shows the power and strength of a submissive. Very empowering, you should check it out!

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  • Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

Today’s quote:

 

Maya Angelou, so many to choose from I couldn’t pick just one!

The first speaks to me and my way of approaching life. I’m not a whiner or complainer, I take control of what’s going on around me and I either accept it or I change it. Dwelling on the negative or living with guilt changes nothing and helps no one. I want to be better than that.

The other two is how I hope I present myself to the world, to you and mostly to myself! ❤

Today’s Nominations:

I’m going to leave this open to anyone who would like to join in. Comment here to get your word out and feel free to provide a link to your site! 😀 

You know I can’t end this without a song that suits!! LoL

“Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you’re standing outside the fire!”

 

Has the rabbit lost her marbles??

I thought I should give you a quick run down of what’s going on.  I was going to keep this private but I think I should put it up here (*with their permission*) for you folks to better understand. I’m sure you’ve noticed thesocialbutterfly2017 that has been commenting on my blog.
Her god-daughter is a submissive, butterfly is not, but her god daughter ‘lily’ got in with a bad crowd on-line a few years ago. She was ‘beat up’ pretty badly for being a ‘bad sub’, all the stuff I’ve been writing about.
Anyhow, god mother started following me a bit ago to try to figure all this out, she is not kinky or a sub, she had no clue.
Since leaving twitter (the place where lily was and got in with a bad ‘dom’) lily has been stalked by this dom that she refused. He and his ‘people’ online started stalking not only her but also her family and friends, anyone they could reach. Their internet accounts were hacked, things were posted on their behave etc etc. A nightmare as you can imagine, it’s all on the socialbutterfly2017 blog if you’re interested.
Long story short(er) this dom/stalker writes ‘children’s stories’ on line and he hints and steals from private and personal info he has hacked and writes them into these children stories about ‘Lila’.
Lately Lila stories now have hints of warriors, dragons and silly rabbits! LoL I admit I’m flattered BUT Suzanne (the butterfly) and Lily are not. Lily has been with someone else for some time, she is expecting her first child and this man still won’t stop stalking and writing.
Suzanne is dealing with a husband suffering from dementia, I don’t need to tell you that both of their plates are very full.
I started commenting on Suzanne’s blogs about all of this a few weeks ago and I figured he would take the bait, and he did. As far as I’m concerned he’s outed himself very nicely. If he thinks writing stories about rabbits is going to stop me from helping these two, well he is very sadly mistaken.
So far I think the ladies are feeling more empowered and more accepted than they were before I started. I have no intention of stopping until he does. *wink*
That’s about it …
Now you’re all caught up!
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Rabbit tails …. LoL

Have you ever heard of the mighty rabbit? Tales of its power spread far and wide! People have been talking about it for ages, apparently it’s quite the creature!

I admit I was a bit surprised (not really, played out as planned but this ‘flows’ better) to see that even now, in this day and age, the mighty creature still holds an audience! *chuckle*

People have found it fascinating for years, apparently its life is so interesting that they can’t help but talk about it! I admit though, this is the first time it’s been on an international platform. Quite the honour, thank you!

Oh, hold on … wait a minute! It HAS been written about before …

Oh well, apparently you STILL have NO honour …. LMAO

Ever noticed my avatar before? Here it is ….

TGIF Folks, hope you are having as much fun as I am today! *grin*

 

3 Day Quote Challenge! Day 2

I have been nominated for the 3 day quote challenge by:

A Leap of Faith

Thank you for thinking of me and for all the interesting and informative blog posts! If you haven’t yet checked it out you really should stop by. I enjoy the journey into true self acceptance and personal strength that she is chronicling.

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  • Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

Today’s quote:

Einstein

Nothing we have now or know now would have come about if someone didn’t imagine it first. To piggy back onto yesterday’s quote, it’s important to think for ourselves, reach farther, imagine more!

It fits also into the general topic of this blog, labels are a good start but if we are so rigid as to not use our imagination the label can quickly become stifling. With the knowledge we have we then need to think of our own wants and needs and imagine a life/dynamic that fits us. It’s with that understanding that we can move forward.

This can be applied to family, work and relationships as well as tools and new inventions but it doesn’t stop there. Imagining a world different than what we have can help us to imagine a world where we really can understand each other and finally live as one human race.

Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes, and then imagine what they need … with that understanding we can then create a world we can be proud of. All of us.

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My Nominations:

The Journey of a lifetime …. 

Teased and Denied

Thrill of the Chaste

3 Day Quote Challenge! Day 1

I have been nominated for the 3 day quote challenge by:

A Leap of Faith

Thank you for thinking of me and for all the interesting and informative blog posts! If you haven’t yet checked it out you really should stop by. I enjoy the journey into true self acceptance and personal strength that she is chronicling.

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day).
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you.
  • Nominate 3 different bloggers for each day.

Today’s quote:

bukowski_4.jpg

Why does this appeal to me? Well because I believe that people are capable of greatness, but I also feel that most are much to lazy, much too self-absorbed, much too frivolous to bother to look further and achieve that greatness.

With the social media craze we are now a part of everyone has their noses in their phones, never looking up to see what’s right in front of their faces. Whether that’s ignoring their jobs, ignoring their kids, friends or significant others …. it’s all to common.

I find it a very sad state to be in but maybe, just maybe putting it out there like this will wake some of us up. We need to get our noses out of our phones, we need to stop taking the ‘Internet’s’ word for it, we need to use our own minds and common sense and we need to start taking better care of our relationships and responsibilities …

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Charles Bukowski has many words of wisdom even if they can be a bit hard to swallow at times, but if you look deeper, you might just see the inspiration in them! *wink*

Nominations:

Bad submissive?

I’ve never made a secret about the fact that I view myself as a dominant soul, submission is something I give to only one man.

Out in the world I would say that I was much more dominant than the Bear. I’m the one who takes things head on, charges ahead, tries to pave new roads in thinking and actions. That’s my forte, that’s where I feel most alive, most me. I don’t run around telling people I’m ‘dominant’ and telling them they need my help, it’s the opposite actually.

I lead by example, I lead by doing and taking care of business. I lead by being responsible and putting the needs of others ahead of my own wants. I lead by understanding the responsibility I am taking on when I give my word and I lead by never going back on that. To me that is the definition of a dominant soul, that is why people come to me, not the other way around.

And then the Bear comes home. Do you suppose He’s going to find me sitting quietly by the door, hands in my lap and waiting for instructions? LOL Do you suppose that the fiery spirit and warrior attitude simply vanish? Yeah right!

I have scared the crap out of plenty of men in my life time, before the Bear, none of them were strong enough to stand straight and face me head on. I would say that’s why I never would have thought I would find myself in this situation now.

I wasn’t loud or rude and I didn’t argue or fight, I didn’t have to, I don’t have to. People sense the energy with which you approach them. Always confident, strong and head held high. I don’t run from a fight but I don’t pick them either. I learn and watch before I make a conclusion and speak, but when I speak its with authority and confidence. There are very few people who earn my respect, my standards are very high, but that doesn’t mean I don’t carry myself properly and act respectfully toward them. It’s not because they are deserving it, it’s because I am.

I am not going to sit quietly by if I disagree with something, I will speak up and I will stand my ground. I very rarely lose my temper, I control myself … but when I do, oh boy the house shakes! Everyone runs for cover because they know that if I have gotten to that point than there is REAL trouble ahead.

AND …… He is strong enough to face all of this on a daily basis and take on the responsibility for being my dominant. Certainly not a job for the faint of heart! *wink*

A friend wrote just recently that she was told that made her a ‘bad submissive’.

Check it out if you get a chance, I think she might be able to benefit from a second opinion!

The Bear says one of the best parts of being my dominant is that it makes Him better every day. It pushes Him to expect more of Himself and BE MORE to be able to properly care for me, and for us. The Bear takes His responsibility seriously, He doesn’t say I’m a bad submissive, he simply becomes a stronger Man.

So what do you say? Am I a bad submissive, or am I simply a warrior not fooled by fools and not controlled by the ‘boys’ pretending to be more ….

(A bit of a rant in response to things I have been witnessing.)