Submission builds strength

I read this blog post a little bit ago and I really wanted to use it as a jumping point for my own revelation years ago. 

I can’t place the next memory on my submissive timeline, aside from it being before the next phase of my life. It is one of the most important lessons I had to learn in both my kink and vanilla life. The memory of asking Sir for help when I was at my most vulnerable still […]

via Sometimes asking for help is the bravest move you can make. — A Leap of Faith

Much like this story describes, one of the most powerful lessons that I have learned from submitting to the Bear is the strength that there is in asking for help.

My life has never been an easy one. Many years ago, before I had a choice, I was left to deal with many domineering and even narcissistic characters. I was too young to do anything about it, but I was already wise enough to know it wasn’t right and that I deserved better.

As time passed and experiences molded me into the person I was to become I learned that the only way to be certain you didn’t get abused or let down was to rely on no one. I’ve tried to live my life to be the best person I can be and I have always endeavoured to do the best I can for others. I’ve always tried to be the person others can rely on for help and guidance BUT I have never relied on anyone else myself.

The Bear and I have always had a wonderful marriage, we have always gotten along well and held each others best interest as the priority but what I could never do was ask for help …. a by-product of my youth.

Deep down I understood asking for help as failure, a short coming, making me weak. Asking for help when I was a child led to ridicule or worse, ammunition for a future date, and they were ruthless and relentless. I didn’t view it that way when others asked me for help but that awful nagging feeling for myself just wouldn’t be shaken.

So, as we learned and played and got deeper into BDSM, our communication had to become deeper and more specific. When you are blindfolded and tied up and asked to do something you just can’t manage you have no choice but to ask for help. You have no choice but to admit when something is not right or when you simply can’t go on alone …

Speaking up and asking became a natural thing. After a few times it became obvious that I wasn’t any less strong in his eyes, it became obvious that He didn’t hold any less respect for me and it became obvious that I wasn’t any less independent or self-sufficient!  Well I’ll be ….

What DID happen was that I learned I had someone I could count on, for ANYTHING, in my corner. I learned that I didn’t always need to be strong, and wise, and right, and at this thing we call life ALONE! I learned that I could maintain my respect even though I asked for help. I learned that He wouldn’t ridicule me and He wouldn’t use it against me in my weakest hours … I learned to trust.

Since then I have learned to trust humans just a bit more. I have learned that even I can ask for help, and as a result I haven’t been made weak, I’ve become even stronger still.

I’ve always been strong alone, but now ….. now I’m never alone! For someone like me, to really truly know this and feel it is huge!

Asking for help doesn’t make me weak, it’s empowering!

Love You always, Sir! ❤

13 thoughts on “Submission builds strength

  1. So beautiful. The relationship you share with The Bear is lovely to read about.

    Finding those people who make it ok to ask for help almost makes those years of distrust worthwhile. There is a quote that almost springs to mind – something about dark nights allowing us to see the stars. You made me (almost) remember that one.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Please don’t stop! I love your blog and am never bored when catching up on your posts


  2. Since I wrote the piece my Sir added to the writing so thought I would bring what he said here to add to it.
    ‘for meeting in real life. For that first coffee date set up a safe call so that a friend calls you about an hour into the date to make sure your safe also ask for some form of identification so you know his or her real name in case you ever need that information. Also use a safe call the first time your going to be alone with a new person’ These were obvious points I forgot but am adding it now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Those are great add on, thank you for commenting them kitten! (can I call you that?)

      I really want people to have a better understanding of the safety needed and there is no better place to get that info than from the people in the know! 😉


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