Things are finally settled with Easter.
Things are finally settled with the boys (for now).
Things are finally getting settled with us.
The roller coaster that is my life leaves very little time for wants. Most of what happens here is on a daily needs basis. I’m not talking about M/s D/s descriptions, I’m talking basic life needs.
Play and what we would consider ‘relaxation’ is very hard to come by. Anything hard and noisy is what we crave, anything hard and noisy is what triggers the boys! LoL Of course!
They very rarely leave the house, when they do it’s never at the same time. Our only ‘alone’ time is Sunday during The Walking Dead, assuming something doesn’t ‘come up’ which of course it did again yesterday! *sigh*
We’ve gone back to the beginning so many times I have lost track. Trying to find new ways and new ideas to recapture an old feeling. A feeling we know just how to get, but can’t. Not yet anyway …
Sometimes it feels to me that trying the new things and trying to find a replacement is almost worse than just sitting out a spell and waiting. Getting ‘half way’ to something can sometimes be worse than not starting the journey at all, or at least for me it can.
I think for The Bear it gets confusing, so He feels lost and unsure. For me it gets frustrating, not being able to put my thoughts into some form He can just ‘see’ and understand.
So back to the beginning we go, we know the road we have traveled, we know the path we would like to take again but while we are in waiting we are traveling new roads. Trying to not compare the two and trying to enjoy it for what it is instead of what it’s missing.
Along the way we have found some new favourites, like bastinado, and we have certainly had to maintain great communication. When neither of us even knows if this is something we’d like to try getting the thoughts and words out is even more important than ever! LoL
So we are here, and we are playing and we are trying, but I can’t deny that I am missing that feeling of ‘lost and exhausted’ and not even knowing how I got back into my bed ….. *wink*