Always on my mind

I have been off work these last two days and today as well. Tomorrow things will be back to full force and I will be busy, moving and working and likely have no time to stop, let alone think of anything that isn’t happening right here and now.

Today I’m enjoying thinking of Him. Remembering His touch, fantasizing of more …. feeling His hand on my face as I move my hair out of my eyes. He likes to see my eyes so it’s a move He makes often.

I’m remembering the few stolen moments we had this morning before He had to leave for work, telling me I better get back to sleep. *sigh* That tone that says ‘don’t even think of getting out of bed, yet.’ I didn’t sleep well yesterday and today I had been up since about 1 am, He knows I need my sleep. Some how His will sends me off to slumber, something I can’t seem to do myself!

Being His calms my mind like nothing else can. Today I will enjoy every thought and every feeling. Today I don’t need to fight the good fight, today I just get to be ….

Happy Hump Day! ❤

Watch Out Bear! *wink*

Since we’re going back to the beginning …. *giggle*

This is the ‘next Gen’ for us I guess and the truth is that it all boils down to trust, like it always does.

I have to trust that letting myself be me won’t knock the Bear ‘out of the water’ and that He won’t go back to the way things got before we started the TPE.

Most people find me intimidating, men especially find me intimidating and it’s not because of my size, it’s all in the attitude baby! *wink*

We have a long history of me slowly but surely stepping into a position that put us off-balance. I don’t want that, but I didn’t want that before either. It just happened.

He stepped back and I had to step forward, I know when I get going I have the momentum of a freight train, I know people jump out of my way ….

I have to trust that this time He knows better. I have to trust that this time He will hold His ground. Even with me …..

I guess I have to really trust Him when He says He wants this too. Some where in this deep dark brain of mine, the final thread has been cut.



I don’t think the key to this is to find that perfect match or waiting for your partner to become that perfect match.

I think the key is to find that person who will never stop trying, for you, because of you. From both sides ….

The first one doesn’t exist anyway.

Odd Happenings

I read a post a little while back about Bastinado and it got me thinking.

Now we have tried this before, a very long time ago and to be honest I more or less forgot about it. I did enjoy our play time when we did and I can’t even remember why we decided to try it in the first place but I know we did.

The odd thing is that I absolutely hate to have my feet touched, like at all! I don’t do pedicures and I can paint my own toes but even that took a long time to be okay with. A foot message to me would be one of the worst punishments you could dish out! Get the idea? I REALLY hate my feet touched. LoL

So last night since we had the evening to ourselves for an hour or so (Yays!) and Sir had no concrete plans for the evening I asked if we could try it again! *grin* I might have been dancing around to Nickelback in nothing but a collar and tail …. *giggle* so the convincing might have been minimal! *wink*

(FYI Before this ‘no rules‘ idea I wouldn’t have taken it upon myself to dress, or undress in this manner and grab a ‘prop’! All the toys were off-limits unless specifically ordered. This is way more fun …. )

Things went quite well and I still enjoy the caning very much even though I still don’t like my feet touched, even a little! Who knew …. I guess it never hurts to just try something before you decide you don’t care for it, you might be surprised. I’ve never been one to write something off just because I think I wouldn’t like it, I think you need to give things a chance before shooting them down. I’m grateful for the reminder though A Leap of Faith!

Anyone else have these types of contradictory reactions to things?


One lump, or two?!? LoL

Ahhhh, it feels good to be back to myself!

I found the motivation that the Bear was missing, ME!

No more subdued version of myself. This was me when we met, this is me now. Full strength, feisty and confident. This is what He wants to control anyway … *wink*

And yes beagle I do know them well, before and after the accident. A pretty ballsy come back, I liked that!

It’s the weekend! Yays!!

Step inside
Walk this way
You and me babe
Hey hey!
Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on
Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
Razzle ‘n’ a dazzle ‘n’ a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah
So c’mon, take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C’mon, fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
I can’t get enough
I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet, yeah
Listen! red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little woman in a one man show
Mirror queen, mannequine, rhythm of love
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up
Loosen up
You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little
Tease a little more
Easy operator come a knockin’ on my door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss innocent sugar me, yeah, yeah
Give a little more
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C’mon, fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
I can’t get enough
I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet, yeah
You got the peaches, I got the cream
Sweet to taste, saccharine
Cause I’m hot, say what, sticky sweet
From my head, my head, to my feet
Do you take sugar? one lump or two?
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C’mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can’t get enough
Pour some sugar on me
Oh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
Get it, come get it
Pour your sugar on me
Pour some sugar on me
Yeah! Sugar me!
Songwriters: Robert John Lange / Stephen Maynard Clark / Philip Kenneth Collen / Richard Savage / Joseph Elliott / Richard John Cyril Allen
Pour Some Sugar on Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management US, LLC

You know that feeling …. ?

You know when you’re being cheeky and you write a post that gives Him a challenge? The one that He accepts without a second thought …. *giggle*

You know when He comes home in the early afternoon and you sneak your way around to the front door to surprise Him! *wink*

You know when He grins at you after He turns around and finds you standing there and says ‘come here you little stinker!’

You know when you’re greeted with a warm kiss and hug hello.

You know when He looks at you with mischief in His eyes and says ‘You better run, bunny …’ and you take off just as fast as your little paws will take you! *wink*

You know when He finally ambushes you in the kitchen, lifts you quickly off your feet and spins you around like His personal little doll! Arms and legs just soaring this way and that … no control, just flight!

You’re giggling and wiggling and he just smirks and shakes His head …

‘Back to work now.’

UGH three more hours till the weekend.

Yeah, it’s like that.

Now I need to concentrate on work … yeah right! *wink*

❤ Love You Always, Evil bear! ❤

Pet Play? *wink* LoL

This has been a long time favourite, I’d say the signs were always there! *chuckle*

Happy Friday All!

Catch me if you can Bear! Or maybe …. I’ll catch you! *giggle*

A wild ride, over stony ground
Such a lust for life, the circus comes to town
We are the hungry ones, on a lightning raid
Just like a river runs, like a fire needs flame, oh
I burn for you
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
Cry wolf, given mouth-to-mouth
Like a movin’ heartbeat in the witching hour
I’m runnin’ with the wind, a shadow in the dust
And like the drivin’ rain, yeah, like the restless rust
I never sleep
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal) huh, ah
Cry wolf, baby, cry tough
Gonna hunt you like an, an, an, an, an animal
Gonna take your love and run
I gotta feel it in my blood, whoa oh
I need your touch, don’t need your love, whoa oh
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
(And I want, and I need)
(And I lust, animal)
tame me, tie me
(And I lust, animal) make me your animal
(And I want, and I need) show me, stroke me
(And I lust, animal) let me be your animal
and I want
(And I need, animal) ooh, ooh, ooh, animal (animal)
Songwriters: Richard John Cyril Allen / Stephen Maynard Clark / Philip Collen / Joseph Elliott / Robert John Mutt Lange / Richard Savage
Animal lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management US, LLC

Still making progress!

We’re still working with this new idea of no rules, or more appropriately ‘few’ rules. It is still working out well, it frees me to be more playful and cheeky and in turn it fuels the fires! Sometimes less is more ….

We did take advantage of the few minutes we had last Sunday and things are much more balanced in the kinky sense then they had been in a little while.

The boys seem to be on the mend as well so that is a huge relief. I don’t often write about them here but this part directly relates to my ‘play time’ so I thought I would add it.

The youngest started on medication for his severe social anxiety about a month ago, he is now actually leaving the house and back in school, … for the mornings at least. After being in the house almost exclusively for almost a year THIS is huge, and great progress!

The oldest is still dabbling in drugs I believe to relieve his anxiety and depression but we have changed his medication around and we are hopeful it will help enough to get him to let go of the  street drugs. He has also been set up with online only schooling. This has visibly reduced his stress but it also means the house is NEVER mine.

Any tasks left by Sir are still done with at least ‘one eye open’ but at least it’s something. With the boys a bit closer to ‘normal’ I can relax into my ‘sub mindset’ just a little bit further while doing what He asks.

Things in the evenings have not yet worked out to give me the freedom to do ‘tasks’ without interruption but I’m hoping they will soon. My work schedule is going back to compete full-time in a week in a half so if I can’t figure it out I’m going to have to go without. That I am not looking forward to!

Right now the boys are more happy and talkative which is wonderful but it also means that every minute between after work and bed time is spent chatting and laughing and getting back to our ‘happy’ family connection. My absence would be noticed, even if it was just 15 minutes to kneel and relax my mind. With everything we have been through to get here, it’s just not a risk I’m willing to take.

The oldest no longer wants to kill himself, the youngest no longer wishes he was dead at the prospect of having to leave the house …. my rituals will just have to wait! Just a little bit longer ….

Happy Thursday!

Simple Truths – A Re-Blog

I love it when I find things written in simple truths, without pretense, without masks, without appearances ….

This really spoke to me and I felt you might like it, and learn from it too. Enjoy!

A Dominant is no more individual than a submissive. They are no more self sufficient, no more comfortable in their own skin. Their self confidence is only through necessity, rather than nature. They are not a single entity happy being a single entity. They cannot sustain themselves, completely, alone. The submissive is expected to be needy, because […]

via A Dominant — In His Quiet…

My favourite time of day ….

I think some of the most telling things about a relationship might not be the things that people would normally think of. Since I’ve been on about communication lately my brain just took it a bit further.

One of my most favourite part of the day(s) is when Sir comes in excited to tell me about something He heard, or something He saw or found funny. His enthusiasm is obvious and energy is high and all He wants to do is share it, with me … *smiles*

‘Date nights’ are planned and nice but you are ‘thinking’ and hopefully on your best behaviour. Sex is well, sex …. I would say most people enjoy that.

Kisses – hello, good-bye, good night are sweet and a great indication of affection but they can become automatic, like driving, you just do it. (Maybe my personality profile showing a bit here.)

Sharing your excitement, your thoughts and ideas and your good mood, now that is something you do with someone you WANT to be with. Someone that means a lot to you, someone you really want to spend your time with. THAT you do with your best friend ….

So when that enthusiastic happy Bear comes bounding into the room just to tell me what He found …. That’s when I know He doesn’t just ‘love’ me, He LIKES me too! *wink*

Happy Hump Day!