This … this is why I stay away from labels.

Most of you have likely read this already, they have more followers than I, but if you haven’t and especially if you’re new, you should!

The reason why I don’t follow many ‘dynamic’ related sites is because of some of the outlandish ideas that they hold.

In a nut shell, the Bear is the Lord and Master of this home, and as such He comes second, I come first ….. don’t understand what I mean? Please click on the link!

D/s—BDSM practitioners primarily involved in public venues, hook-ups, and other temporary or part-time play predominantly fall under the consent and trust relationship foundation, instead of the love foundation that most 24/7 couples build on [*see my post on D/s: comparing foundations]. Sadly, that is why posers, wannabes, and abusers can operate in the public venues […]

via D/s: Dictator or Dom? — ALPHA & kat

I’ll dance with You, Bear! TGIF

Dance With Me

I have seen a sunset in the western sky
Ain’t nothin’ like the brightness in your eyes
And I have seen the moon reflecting in the sea
But that don’t compare to how you shine on me
After everything I’ve seen, I rather see you smile
‘Cause all I really want is just to hold you for a while and be your man
So will you dance with me?
I will lead you
Give every moment that I have
Just to be near you
And when the song ends and everyone else leaves
Will you dance one more with me?
When my hands are heavy and your words are slow
Kiss my lips and tell me you won’t let me go
And with every single heartbeat I have left
I’ll make it known you are my world and nothing less
‘Cause all I really want is just to hold you for a while and be your man
So will you dance with me?
I will lead you
Give every moment that I have
Just to be near you
And when the song ends and everyone else leaves
Will you dance one more with me?
Will you dance one more with me?
Songwriters: Phillip La Don Phillips Jr. / Tim Bruns
Dance With Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Working on Your Mindset and Submission

I wrote this 2 1/2 years ago and recent events have brought it back to mind. Some of us I think have been through enough in life that we have learned what is worth ‘sweating’ over and what is not. 

To me being or staying in a positive mind space is a perpetual work in progress. I have been practicing for many years and have found a few simple but effective ways of really working on remaining there and in turn, submissive to Sir.

I find a lot of similarities between things that help me remain submissive and things that help me remain happy in general with life:

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff

I know you have heard it many times, but have you really put it into practice? And what is the small stuff anyway? Well if it’s not detrimental to your physical or emotional well-being then it is probably part of the small stuff. So think, is it really worth getting yourself worked up about? At the end of the day is it really going to change your life so drastically? If not then let it go …

  • Be honest. with yourself and others

A little tough love guys! Is this thing you are worried about really what you say it is? Is someone trying to upset you or make you feel bad or are you just taking it that way? Have you taken the time to figure out what it is you want and communicated it to the other person, or are you expecting them to read your mind and fix ‘it’ for you in some fictional ‘knight in shining armour’ scenario.

  • Be Kind

It takes much more strength and makes you look much better to be a kind generous person than to be hurtful and cruel. You might think that venting your anger is just what you need at that moment but it always makes you feel worse about either yourself or the situation, and normally both. And if you follow the previous two ideas you might find yourself less and less angry/upset all the time.

My experience has long been that most worries and stresses are self-imposed from keeping up with the Jones’ and having to put forth a certain standard to thinking you haven’t met someone else’s expectations. The truth is most people don’t notice you enough or put enough importance in what you are doing to really care.

Whatever they did or didn’t do almost always has nothing to do with you personally, so don’t take it as such. If they are truly trying to get to you well, why are you letting them? You choose who you listen to and who you don’t, so take responsibility for yourself here.

If the person you’re talking about is your loved one then they probably didn’t do it (whatever it is that you have chosen to stress about or get upset about) on purpose. So communicate with them in a calm manner and see what happens. But again, be honest with yourself, you need to know at the very least what the real issue is and preferably what you need in order to fix it before they can even start to help you. Like I said earlier, they can’t read your mind.

All of these things have kept me in a happy, even mind-set which makes remaining submissive so much easier. If anything does happen then the open honest self-reflection and communication helps fix it quickly. Yes it is work but anything worth having is worth the work.

Looking forward to your thoughts Sir!   ❤

 

 

Daydreaming

Me: ‘Rainy damp day out there Sir, how about a nice evening curled up in front of the fire?’

Sir: ‘Umm, on a fur throw with a naked bunny …’

Sir: ‘ ….. with no kids …’

Some days wishful daydreaming is going to have to be enough. Somehow just knowing that He wants what I want too makes it easier.

We can still do the fire and curling up together, the rest we will keep in mind for another day, BUT I know He wants too, I know He wants me too ….

Happy Thursday All!

 

 

Scattered thoughts, a bit of update ….

The Bear and I are doing well despite the hectic day-to-day. Our connection is still good and play time might be scattered here and there but the truth of the dynamic is very much in tact. Better than good actually, it’s the thing providing stability, strength and a moment of calm in an otherwise turbulent and confusing day. We are exploring and using new methods and they seem to be working …. so far so good.

This leads me to another thought, talking, communicating, honesty.

Part of the reason our connection stays on track is because we talk, a lot, about anything and everything that might be on our minds. I write actually, I like to write, it helps me to get all the ideas straight and in a way the Bear can follow before passing them over to him.

Not just on this site but I have another for giving exact step by step ways I think will help me that I would like to try. I spell out exactly how I felt about things we have tried, what worked, what didn’t, what I might be uncertain about. All of it.

Most times the Bear is game to try or work on what ever it is I have spelled out for a few reasons. One I am a very logical thinker, two I know myself quite well, I don’t do ‘denial’ and I’m honest, maybe to my own detriment sometimes!! *giggle* And three because He knows it’s coming from an honest place and not a means of trying to manipulate any outcomes in my favour.

The Bear is not the type to say ‘no’ simply because I asked, He is not the type to play games with our happiness and I have no need for Him to say ‘no’ just because. Spitefulness does not a dominant make, at least not mine! If He feels it’s a bad idea than so be it, He leads with integrity and purpose. We are not about masquerades and B/s!

I think the reason we seem to be able to keep going regardless of the craziness around us is because this has never been a game. To us this is not about hiding behind a mask to appear more dominant or more submissive, it’s actually about being completely and totally honest and open with each other.

Respectful, honest communication ….. and then I follow His lead. Simple as that.

Now, it’s MY turn to go play with the snowblower!! hehe

 

Phillip Phillips “Miles”

Always timely for me and never disappoints. One of my favourite artists …

Right now I need an escape
From this gravity that holds me down
We gotta leave here today
‘Cause insanity is all around

‘Cause we’re works of art
We’re falling stars
We’re fire waiting for a spark

Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down
No, we’re never gonna come down
Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down

It’s getting harder to breathe
In this atmosphere, from these dizzy heights
With you close to me, we can disappear
In this endless night

‘Cause we’re works of art
We’re falling stars
We’re fire waiting for a spark

Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down
No, we’re never gonna come down
Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna touch the ground
No, we’re never gonna touch the ground
If you follow me in this mystery
We can swim inside these clouds
Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down

I’m not giving up, giving up
We’re so high
Won’t you look at us, look at us?
Tonight

Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down
No, we’re never gonna come down
Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna touch the ground
No, we’re never gonna touch the ground
If you follow me in this mystery
We could swim inside these crowds
Yeah, we’re gonna be miles up, up, up
No, we’re never gonna come down no

Written by Phillip La Don Phillips Jr., Kevin Griffin, Lindsay Rimes • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group

So many possibilities, so why enjoy just one?

Since getting smacked in the face with the fact that I needed more ‘respite’ we have been experimenting and involving new and old ‘forgotten’ methods of trying to get the job done. Things that are either much more intense more quickly or simply able to be done quietly! We’ve been making great progress but I have no intention of stopping. So this has had me thinking on the different aspects of my personality.

I remember when we started looking into making a change I went and took some of those online ‘tests’ that tell you what your tendencies are. The things that stick in my head are 100%Warrior, 100% submissive (sexually) and the next highest score was pet ….. now that got me thinking! I couldn’t quite see where that came from because I really have no interest in pet play or acting like an animal. Not that there is anything wrong with those dynamics it just wasn’t something I found enticing so I couldn’t figure out where the score was coming from. I dug deeper ….

When I started to see the types of things it encompassed it started to make sense. I still don’t identify as a ‘pet’ but I do enjoy certain aspects of the dynamic, namely collars and leashes, sitting on the floor, curling up and having my hair stroked etc. …. and of course the bunny! *wink*

I find that the farther I get into this life the more the bunny becomes part of my day-to-day. It has for a while as you can tell by the progression of this site. The bunny responds to the Bear, nijntje responds to Sir and there is another side that comes out when things are very stressful but I stay away from the label because I have seen some very disturbing ideals of what that is, and yet some others use it to sound like they are better than the rest ….. sometimes a term will sneak out but I try actively to stay away from it most days so you’ll have to bear with me. I hope this makes sense, it’s our preference. But anyway ….

The bunny that comes out to play doesn’t really have many pet like qualities, instead it is small, funny and goofy, it likes nose wiggles and *raspberries*, it hops about giggling and sometimes even a bit ‘naughty’ in ways that make the Bear laugh! The bunny is most definitely a break from the crazy stress and responsibility from the everyday.

The bunny is the part of me that I hid away probably about the time I had kids I would say. There were too many other things needing attention and fun play time was hard to come by. It was time to focus and work for the kids and their well-being and I suppose that was the earliest glimpses of the slow shift from being partners to me taking on all the responsibility in life. Eventually the shift became too lopsided and eventually we ended up here!

So I’ve been trying to figure out just what is ‘bunny’ anyway? Not that it matters much what the label is but it does matter in understanding and acknowledging because the bunny has different needs and abilities than the rest of my personality.

The deepest darkest part is only at peace in some hard-core BDSM and a deep state of ‘floating’, anything else is just harmful as I have found out. *sigh* It leaves me unfinished and on edge, not good.

The everyday 24/7 nijntje, the Warrior, carries much responsibility, makes decisions daily and takes care of whatever life throws this way. The nijntje will always follow Sir but has no worry when it comes to picking up and moving forward, in anything.

Then there is bunny, the name might still be nijntje at times but the way Bear says it is different and the response is normally not Sir, it’s Bear! This side makes no decisions, has no worries and simply enjoys being …. Everything else is ‘a Bear problem’ to work out. 😉 And as I said, this is the silly, goofy side that is more playful and free than anything else. The bunny doesn’t have sex or BDSM on the brain and trying to tap into that without time to switch gears is not good. The bunny isn’t ‘little’ and it isn’t ‘pet’ but it does have needs of its own and that’s why it’s important to recognize and respect.

 

I can switch gears pretty quickly, usually, when things are handled right and exploring the multiple aspects of my personality has made it possible to do that, without causing damage to me or our relationship.

Sometimes the switch just doesn’t happen, it’s important to know and respect that too!

Ye shall receive …

I said to a friend quite some time ago that I have an ‘ask and ye shall receive’ kind of relationship. I know I’ve mentioned it here a time or two as well.

His response, ‘well ask!’

Lately I have been asking …… silly rabbit!!! UGH *grin*

In my defense though … the Bear seems to be enjoying this waaayyy too much! *raspberries* *giggle*

Be careful what you ask for folks, you just might get it! I think I’m going to need a ‘weekend’ from my weekend!

On a side note, this is my 700th published post! And 100 countries have stopped by ….. Thank you all! 😀

Happy Weekend! ❤

Sound familiar?

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a report, somewhat joking, but also with many people disturbed that the ‘soon to be new royal’ needs to follow some rules of manners and decorum, especially when out in public.

Most sounded very familiar!

I had to chuckle, then I asked the Bear ….

‘Are we royals’? *giggle*

Happy Friday All!