Forget ‘subspace’ that comes easily when the Bear and I play, I fall quickly when He’s in the right mind space Himself. It’s like my inner sub is just waiting to be claimed and guided, ready to follow and relax into that mind space that allows everything else to just fall away. That is a space I find respite in and fairly easy to get into. That is not what I’m in right now, or have been lately …
As I’ve mentioned before, the house is never our own, my own even. It never fails, or almost never, that at least one of the boys stays home from school. This time it’s the oldest most days. This causes my brain to be ‘on’ in a dominant, problem solving fashion and it really doesn’t shut off no matter what I am doing.
One of the things the Bear does to try to keep me in a comfortable place in my head and make it easier to change gears when He comes home is to give me certain tasks to complete for Him. Some of them are of such a nature that they really should bring me into that ‘submissive mindset’ quite easily but I find that having someone here in the house causes my head to drift between the everyday warrior and His submissive bunny, over and over again.
I can’t ‘shut off’ my responsibilities no matter what I’m doing or why, not when I’m the only responsible party in the house at the time. This leaves me in a ‘strange space’ hopping between submissive and calm, and on alert just in case …..
Once in a blue moon when both boys make it to school I find myself able to fall deep into that calming state, but lately it’s just a very strange place to try to reconcile.
…. and on that note, the oldest is still up in his bed and the youngest just came home throwing up ….
I have tasks left for me today, even some that were supposed to be kinky fun ….. so how far into subspace do you suppose I’ll get? *sigh*