Since getting smacked in the face with the fact that I needed more ‘respite’ we have been experimenting and involving new and old ‘forgotten’ methods of trying to get the job done. Things that are either much more intense more quickly or simply able to be done quietly! We’ve been making great progress but I have no intention of stopping. So this has had me thinking on the different aspects of my personality.
I remember when we started looking into making a change I went and took some of those online ‘tests’ that tell you what your tendencies are. The things that stick in my head are 100%Warrior, 100% submissive (sexually) and the next highest score was pet ….. now that got me thinking! I couldn’t quite see where that came from because I really have no interest in pet play or acting like an animal. Not that there is anything wrong with those dynamics it just wasn’t something I found enticing so I couldn’t figure out where the score was coming from. I dug deeper ….
When I started to see the types of things it encompassed it started to make sense. I still don’t identify as a ‘pet’ but I do enjoy certain aspects of the dynamic, namely collars and leashes, sitting on the floor, curling up and having my hair stroked etc. …. and of course the bunny! *wink*
I find that the farther I get into this life the more the bunny becomes part of my day-to-day. It has for a while as you can tell by the progression of this site. The bunny responds to the Bear, nijntje responds to Sir and there is another side that comes out when things are very stressful but I stay away from the label because I have seen some very disturbing ideals of what that is, and yet some others use it to sound like they are better than the rest ….. sometimes a term will sneak out but I try actively to stay away from it most days so you’ll have to bear with me. I hope this makes sense, it’s our preference. But anyway ….
The bunny that comes out to play doesn’t really have many pet like qualities, instead it is small, funny and goofy, it likes nose wiggles and *raspberries*, it hops about giggling and sometimes even a bit ‘naughty’ in ways that make the Bear laugh! The bunny is most definitely a break from the crazy stress and responsibility from the everyday.
The bunny is the part of me that I hid away probably about the time I had kids I would say. There were too many other things needing attention and fun play time was hard to come by. It was time to focus and work for the kids and their well-being and I suppose that was the earliest glimpses of the slow shift from being partners to me taking on all the responsibility in life. Eventually the shift became too lopsided and eventually we ended up here!
So I’ve been trying to figure out just what is ‘bunny’ anyway? Not that it matters much what the label is but it does matter in understanding and acknowledging because the bunny has different needs and abilities than the rest of my personality.
The deepest darkest part is only at peace in some hard-core BDSM and a deep state of ‘floating’, anything else is just harmful as I have found out. *sigh* It leaves me unfinished and on edge, not good.
The everyday 24/7 nijntje, the Warrior, carries much responsibility, makes decisions daily and takes care of whatever life throws this way. The nijntje will always follow Sir but has no worry when it comes to picking up and moving forward, in anything.
Then there is bunny, the name might still be nijntje at times but the way Bear says it is different and the response is normally not Sir, it’s Bear! This side makes no decisions, has no worries and simply enjoys being …. Everything else is ‘a Bear problem’ to work out. 😉 And as I said, this is the silly, goofy side that is more playful and free than anything else. The bunny doesn’t have sex or BDSM on the brain and trying to tap into that without time to switch gears is not good. The bunny isn’t ‘little’ and it isn’t ‘pet’ but it does have needs of its own and that’s why it’s important to recognize and respect.
I can switch gears pretty quickly, usually, when things are handled right and exploring the multiple aspects of my personality has made it possible to do that, without causing damage to me or our relationship.
Sometimes the switch just doesn’t happen, it’s important to know and respect that too!