We all have them, if you say you don’t than you are kidding yourself. They are deal breakers, or things you simply can not do for mental or emotional issues. They can also be things that you can not live without. Technically speaking I suppose you could ‘live’ but you will be less than happy, less than fulfilled in your relationship. So what’s the point of doing this than??
Part of the reason to start this style of relationship was to do the best I could for my partner, to make His life happier and more fulfilled. The other part of this idea was because I was done being a martyr, not because I wanted to go back to it. This relationship is supposed to be better for BOTH of us, not just one.
Just as we as humans are unique so too are our limits. What works for one person or couple may not work well for someone else. This brings the idea of honest communication right up to the front. This also involves a bit of soul-searching and honesty with yourself.
Your partner might be reading or searching out ideas, they may have a mentor providing insight and customs but that doesn’t mean that they are all right for you! Know yourself enough to realize when something is just not ‘okay’ and be honest about communicating that to your partner.
Being submissive does not mean going along with every want or idea your partner has come up with. If it is simply not mentally or emotionally healthy for you it is your job to speak up and make that known. Don’t expect that they know what is going on in your head and don’t expect that they always know best or have all the answers. They are human after all. I don’t know about you but I have never met a ‘perfect’ human, no matter how well-intentioned.
Just this past weekend the Bear heard about an idea that I thought would have had red flags all over it as far as me and our relationship is concerned. To my very unexpected surprise He did not realize it that way. He knew it wasn’t something He wanted to do but He didn’t realize all the implications it held for me. We’ve been married over 20 years now and He is the only one who knows anything about the way my mind works but still He really had no idea. You just never know.
So I explained it to Him from my perspective, I told Him how I felt about it and what I saw as a repercussion to that action. I know myself well, in this case I would follow through with His wishes (had they been) because that’s what I promised to do, but that would have been the end of our deeper emotional connection.
To me the only thing submission has really changed is that I now go to Him for help and for emotional comfort, that would have been finished in one swift motion.
I don’t go to, rely on, or depend on anyone. I don’t make emotional connections, I never have, not since I was about 4. The Bear knows this, going to Him was a huge step and the reality of my submission. No one else knows or sees that side of me, He knows/sees that too, every time others are around.
Him not putting two and two together was a huge surprise but if I hadn’t said something about it this connection of ours would have been destroyed if he ever decided to get around to trying it.
It might work for others, it might even be fairly common but here it would have been the end of us. This is most assuredly NOT what He wants. Now He knows.
Yes I am His submissive but I’m not going to go along with every idea he might hear about or want to try, not when I know it will destroy us. I have a responsibility here too, He is only human after all. And He still can’t read my mind or my heart, go figure!
Love You Always, EMS! ❤