Punishment or Pleasure?

My Opinion.

Punishment is supposed to be punishment, nothing more. It is to reaffirm rules and regulations and to help better the behaviour.

Pleasure is simply that, for pleasure. Even if you play it out as some sort of punishment/scene the fact that you receive pleasure from it negates any punishment ideals and after effects.

Whether your pleasure is conscious or subconscious it still is what it is.

I don’t mix sex of any sort with punishment, it would be nothing but a kinky turn on and  completely non effective to me as a person to make changes in a real sense.

Would I like to? Damn right! I’d be getting exactly what I wanted, and likely misbehaving much more often! Why not? If I could get over the guilt of being bad I’d be just getting rewarded no matter my behaviour.

Sir has no more want to ‘get off’ on punishment than I do, it would be getting us no where fast.

Happy Friday! Rant over ….

Dear Sir

My head is starting to spin, I believe my backside requires your attention. I’m not sure how or when that is going to fit into our day exactly but I am certain I need something.

Judging by your lack of sleep I’m going to guess that I’m not the only one looking for some release of tension.

Love You Always,

n ❤

The Panty Predicament!

It strikes me as funny that I put on a sexy pair of panties during the day to please The Bear, but as soon as work is done I need to be panty free!

It is very rare that He ever actually sees them! 😛 LOL

It sounds pretty silly now that I think on it!!

Oh well, Happy Hump Day!

Love You Always Sir ❤

Oh what fun-ishment!

I wrote a while back that we were working on getting some more fun and playful connections into our lives. For a while it was a bit difficult, The Bear was really switching from ‘take action’ to ‘just laugh it off’ with no real in between. But practice makes perfect … *giggle*

(We really hadn’t done many playful, fun and obvious or loud anythings in some time due to family circumstance but things are a bit calmer now and so we are adding some things slowly to see how it goes.) 

I find myself lately really enjoying this man who is standing in front of me, this confident and strong figure who acts swiftly and with purpose. He decides what He will tolerate and what He won’t and takes quick action to make it known and follows through. *wink*

Never angry, always fair and oh what fun! *wink*

It has been a lot of fun to have that charge of the Power Exchange without any guilt of real trouble or let down. There are no long periods of available time needed, just a word, a look and an action …. and its really hot!

It’s more than just fun, it’s soothing. The playful stuff puts the real stuff on the forefront of my mind and brings comfort to even the most busy and plain days.

As for now, I think I have tried to sit long enough …. ouchie! *giggle*

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Happy Monday All!

Love You Always Sir ❤

A second opinion

I’ve been reading as usual and something I read has led me to this post. Now, it’s not that I disagree with what I read it’s just that there are always more than just one side to things and since this subject happens to relate very closely to my own life I thought I’d chime in, again. I have touched on this before on the blog and now here is yet another way of going about it.

I think the fact that I am in a TPE relationship is obvious, and I’m pretty sure that the fact that I enjoy BDSM is also obvious. I haven’t hidden the fact that I have in the past struggled with self harm and mental health issues. Obviously you don’t start hurting yourself if everything is fine and dandy with your mental and emotional state.

What I’m not sure is understood, especially by those of you newer to the blog is that I did not participate in either of these things before my mental and emotional well-being was stable. Heck it isn’t just stable, it’s kick @ss and strong!

When I was still figuring things out the last thing I would have been able to do was be part of a D/s relationship or ‘play’. As a matter of fact I found both of those things to be very much a turn off! It was most certainly not something I would have considered and as a matter of fact any mention of submitting to a husband in any respect was cause to send me into an all out rant. I was young, the people in my life were not very healthy and I was not with The Bear …. and any of what I am doing now was completely outrageous to me.

By the time I did meet and marry the Bear I was ready to follow Him but still no labels or symbols were used. I’m certain that it would have gone very sideways, very fast. Accepting anything that sounded like submission didn’t come into play until long after all my demons were slayed.

Why am I talking about this now? Well there is a school of thought that says D/s or BDSM practitioners have had or do have trauma and issues to deal with and that is why they crave the activities they do. I’m sure that there are many times that that statement holds true however, there are also many times that it is perfectly normal and natural to enjoy what we enjoy and pain and suffering of the past really has nothing to do with it. For every article saying it does, there is another saying it doesn’t, or at least it doesn’t have to.

The fact is that when I was still struggling and if I was still struggling the last thing I would do is D/s or BDSM, truth is anything related to that would receive a punch in the face from me! The only reason I want and crave the life I have now is because I no longer have the pain of the past to mask and complicate my life.

So yes for some it is a need brought on by trauma, but for others it’s just a natural and perfectly normal way of living, especially when done in a happy and mentally healthy environment. There are always two sides …..

Just because we like it doesn’t mean we’re broken. Some of us like it because we’re ‘fixed’! *wink*

 

‘Repeat after me, nijntje.’

Punishment Conundrum Conclusion – How to remember

Sorry to keep you all hanging and some concerned! The entire ordeal was already done and behind me the first chance we had a moment together alone. The Bear is very good at reading my needs and He never makes me hurt psychologically, that is not cool here, not the type of torture I enjoy! That type of thing causes damage and is abusive, period. Not part of a healthy TPE dynamic in our opinion. I’ll get off my soapbox now ….

Anyhow, The Bear did in fact have a very effective plan to help me put closure on the whole ordeal. He made me ‘repeat after him’ and touched on all the things He knew were bothering me and all the things that I needed to hear.

I’m only human and didn’t do anything wrong …. sometimes days get busy and fly by and I’m not to beat myself up over it.

If I want to be sure not to do this again I should come up with an in your face way of making sure it’s seen, such as writing things on the white board or putting a string around my …err finger! (The Bear has a sense of humour.)  So I am tasked with coming up with that for next time.

I will have the appointment made the next day (today, done!)

I am sorry  to let you down, Bear. I am forgiven …

To keep me feeling like I am held accountable He said that next time it will be this with a warmed up backside. The End!

He gave me just what I needed to get out of my head, feel like I have done something about making it up and given next steps to keep it from happening again. Effective use of His dominance to help me with my guilt.

No there was no spanking, or insertion of things in places or any other kinky action … Let’s face it that’s just a ‘good time’ disguised as a ‘punishment’ if you are kinky, a masochist or into humiliation play. My travels have shown me that it is not effective and does not help you to become better at whatever it is you are trying to change. Explains why you are getting punished so often for the same or similar infraction, you’re enjoying it at the most basic of levels. Positive reinforcement of a negative action …

So The Bear took care of my mental state, I have next steps for better results next time, I was slightly uncomfortable having to admit I’m human (go figure right?) and He put His strength to use for me.

If we want to play kinky, we’ll just do that. We don’t need an infraction to make it happen.

Oh, right … one more thing. If I hadn’t spelled out exactly how I was feeling about the whole thing He probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it, it really wasn’t a big deal realistically speaking. I would have felt let down and He would have been confused because NO He still can’t read my mind. Instead I was honest, He took control and I got closure. Looks like I’m finally getting the hang of this! 😀 *Woot Woot*

Thank you Bear, it was nice cuddling with you with a clear conscience! ❤

Love You Always Sir ❤