I’ve been reading as usual and something I read has led me to this post. Now, it’s not that I disagree with what I read it’s just that there are always more than just one side to things and since this subject happens to relate very closely to my own life I thought I’d chime in, again. I have touched on this before on the blog and now here is yet another way of going about it.
I think the fact that I am in a TPE relationship is obvious, and I’m pretty sure that the fact that I enjoy BDSM is also obvious. I haven’t hidden the fact that I have in the past struggled with self harm and mental health issues. Obviously you don’t start hurting yourself if everything is fine and dandy with your mental and emotional state.
What I’m not sure is understood, especially by those of you newer to the blog is that I did not participate in either of these things before my mental and emotional well-being was stable. Heck it isn’t just stable, it’s kick @ss and strong!
When I was still figuring things out the last thing I would have been able to do was be part of a D/s relationship or ‘play’. As a matter of fact I found both of those things to be very much a turn off! It was most certainly not something I would have considered and as a matter of fact any mention of submitting to a husband in any respect was cause to send me into an all out rant. I was young, the people in my life were not very healthy and I was not with The Bear …. and any of what I am doing now was completely outrageous to me.
By the time I did meet and marry the Bear I was ready to follow Him but still no labels or symbols were used. I’m certain that it would have gone very sideways, very fast. Accepting anything that sounded like submission didn’t come into play until long after all my demons were slayed.
Why am I talking about this now? Well there is a school of thought that says D/s or BDSM practitioners have had or do have trauma and issues to deal with and that is why they crave the activities they do. I’m sure that there are many times that that statement holds true however, there are also many times that it is perfectly normal and natural to enjoy what we enjoy and pain and suffering of the past really has nothing to do with it. For every article saying it does, there is another saying it doesn’t, or at least it doesn’t have to.
The fact is that when I was still struggling and if I was still struggling the last thing I would do is D/s or BDSM, truth is anything related to that would receive a punch in the face from me! The only reason I want and crave the life I have now is because I no longer have the pain of the past to mask and complicate my life.
So yes for some it is a need brought on by trauma, but for others it’s just a natural and perfectly normal way of living, especially when done in a happy and mentally healthy environment. There are always two sides …..
Just because we like it doesn’t mean we’re broken. Some of us like it because we’re ‘fixed’! *wink*