I did something the other night that when thinking clearly I knew I shouldn’t. I rushed the Bear.
I was unhappy and frustrated about something from the night before (just in general truthfully), I was over tired and over stressed and just plain worn out. Of course my mind had been working overtime for 24 hours and I needed release. None of that was possible and the Bear wasn’t ready to talk, so of course I just kept asking!
Now I’m not taking all the blame here, He could have easily told me to stop, not now, we’ll discuss this later ….. any of those things would have been enough to put me back into following and honestly all I need to get calm again. It really is that simple for me, one word, one action and I’m more than ready to follow Him, but He didn’t so I just kept going. No there were no rude comments, no yelling or anything of that nature but I was asking things I knew He wasn’t ready to handle right then, He was just as worn and tired as me. Yes dominants are human too, go figure.
The answers I got were not what I wanted to hear and they were not what He wanted to give either, I don’t believe, but they did come out. Walking this tight rope between dominant and submissive for me can get to be pretty taxing especially when He’s not at the top of His game, my instincts to step up and take control are instinctual and strong. No I don’t mean overbearing and nagging control freak, I mean the one with the responsibility and carries the weight. The one who guides the way, cares for others and takes the hit when the sh*t hits the fan, because to me that is the dominant side of my personality and I still use it daily when Sir is not here and with things that still fall squarely on my lap. Some things I am simply better suited to handle, life experience has made it so.
The difference between D/s and non-D/s let’s say is that I can and do come to Him with my stress and worry. Before this our relationship was very similar but I kept the burden entirely on MY shoulders. I suppose the short of it is that this is what D/s has changed for me, I now share the burdens of life and can actually stop and put it down at HIS feet once in a while when it gets to be too heavy.
So we had a poorly timed discussion and I went to bed without my collar. Things were just not balanced and neither of us is about pretend or make-believe so that is what was decided.
By morning The Bear came around my side of the bed to touch at will and wish me a good day, He messaged His good morning to me as usual from work later and said ‘nijntje’, I had already put on my day collar and was still wearing my cuffs as usual …..
We had a misstep, a slight shift along the way but neither of us are about over reacting or being rash. So by mid morning and a handful of texts later we were back on track and hopefully have learned something for the next time.
But we really do need to find time to sit down and talk just about us, please Sir. And I really do need some play to release some stress, please too!
I have no idea how that is going to work, the last few months (yes months) every single time we get started someone stops by and interrupts, or the boys need us and find us! Seriously … this has been the better part of the last 12 months. The last time I was hanging from the ceiling it was more of a sexual experience which is fantastic for sure but for me BDSM is a fantastic way to release stress and really has nothing to do with sex, it is not needed and not the goal. (For those reading, obviously The Bear already knows this.) We have lots of kinky sex, but it’s just not the same.
We are never alone, someone is always home, and the things that work well for me are usually rather loud. *sigh* I am still frustrated for sure, but I’m not frustrated with the Bear. Hummm, are you missing it too Bear? Is that why you were off as well? Or is that just me?
Shall we just buy a second home?? *giggle*
Love You Always Sir! ❤