Rules and expectations

1f03b983016b3f76575f287592fc4142This is a topic I have tried to touch on a few times but I don’t think I ever quite got the words right. I’m not sure I quite had all the information I needed either, but time tends to help in the respect doesn’t it?

This post isn’t meant as a jab on anyone or their lifestyle choices it’s just a reflection on mine.

I have said many times in the past that I/We don’t really have many rules spelled out that I needed to learn or practice in order to become a ‘better submissive’. Almost all our rules are either kink or sex based not behaviour or manners. Behaviour for me is not a submissive quality per say, it’s simply a personal choice and although they do show a good amount of respect to my dominant the truth is that for me they are about self-respect. I wasn’t ‘submissive’ when I started and I don’t need to be submissive to continue with them.

I suppose if any of the normal things would start to slip then Sir would begin to implement them as rules, especially now that He knows the difference and that He knows how much we both want this life.

We had dinner here for thanksgiving not long ago and it started an interesting discussion on manners and the state of things in this day and age. This got me thinking that some of the things I take as a given are not at all the usual way of doing things now a days. The need and reasons for all these rules started to make more sense.

I guess in this light you could say that I have plenty of rules of conduct, they just happen to be self-imposed long before TPE was a thing on the radar.

Everything from cell phone use, to please and thank you, not interrupting when someone is speaking, listening attentively, and never leaving someone to eat alone at the dinner table.

What rules have you added that might be new to your life?

Are you finding them difficult to adjust to?

Are you more like me and have added ‘fun’ rules more so than any other?



11 thoughts on “Rules and expectations

  1. We actually have a list of rules, but I would have to consult the first journal I wrote in to accurately list them. Nothing that would be considered unusual. Writing in my journal daily, a mantra, no orgasms without permission, etc. Everything else is basic manners/respect, like always communication openly, being completely honest with each other, etc.
    So far, Restriction has been the most difficult. Second to that has been remembering to say my mantra every morning and every night. It isn’t especially hard, but I tend to forget.
    Although..he’s looking to add more, but we haven’t figured out what yet. He’s mentioned no clothes when I’m home, so that’s a possibility. That would be quite a difficult adjustment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So it sounds like many of your rules are kink based as well. You mentioned restrictions were the most difficult, do you mean kinky type restrictions or more life in general? Permission for orgasms for example is sex/kink based, are the difficulties there or in other life areas? If you don’t mind sharing! 😀 lol
      We have talked about the clothing optional option as well but with children still in the home that is obviously a no go! I guess we’ll see what happens when we finally have a house to ourselves.
      Thank you for commenting, HeartsHope!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol!

        Some are, some are more about the relationship than the kink. I usually don’t have an issue asking for an orgasm (it was my idea, early on), except when he’s in a different time zone/out of service area and I can’t really get ahold of him. That sucks. Or if I forget until I go to bed, or he falls asleep…the only time I can recall subdropping with him was when he dozed off while I was playing (and he had me on edge but hadn’t given permission yet). It was entirely unintentional, but I dropped hard, and since then we have preventive measures in place. Most are intrinsic to how we operate as a couple and so didn’t require much, if any, transition.

        Kink aside, I have trouble with remembering to say my mantra and to write in my journal. Some days are fine, but others just suck the life out of me, and I don’t have the energy to do either. Sometimes I struggle with communicating clearly. I’m not great at that, and he requires me to speak up when I need to (be it good or bad). It takes time for me to process, so I don’t always get to it when I should. The open honesty has been a challenge also. I’m not deliberately dishonest, but I am accustomed to shielding aspects of myself, and he doesn’t allow that.
        He hasn’t restricted much in our vanilla lives yet. There have been too many variables (I lived with an ailing relative, for instance), but I know he wants to cut down on the amount of caffeine I drink and increase my vegetables. So I am sure there will be rules about those at some point in the near future.

        I can see how that might be an issue. Fortunately we don’t have any children yet. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Open communication can certainly be difficult when you are not used to it, especially since at times you don’t even realize you are shielding yourself, or so has been my experience. I’m glad you’re working towards better!
        Caffeine, Oh dear! Please don’t touch my coffee ….! *chuckle*

        Liked by 1 person

  2. We don’t have any real Behavior rules either. Most of my submissive behaviors are all things I already did or try to do, like being respectful or greeting him when he came home. One new rule we did start was that when he is home I have to put my phone at a certain place on the counter. Its awkward to get to and helps to get me to focus more on him. Another rule we have is that when I am get home from work and he’s not home I have to send him a picture after I shower. This has been a fun rule because he forgot to specify “what” the picture had to be, so I like to joke and send pictures of anything but me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love it bluebird! What a fun way to keep things on a lighter note at times! 🙂

      Do you find that you get corrected if something does slide even if it’s not a ‘written rule’? I don’t have them all written out like I said because here they are just a given but I can bet they are very quickly corrected if they are disregarded, written or not.


  3. The only one I can think of is to put on some lipstick when I go out… lol… because He loves red lips.

    It seems silly to some but to us it is meaningful and that’s all that is important.

    I have no specific every day conduct rules, or restrictions. They happen during play, or not, as He chooses.

    Things quite naturally evolved to me never calling Him only on His name, but adding ‘my’ or ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ before His name. This is not a requirement but rather simply my own way of ensuring I keep ‘presents’ and a respectful tone even when my attention to a conversation is divided on those chock-full days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think the lipstick sounds silly at all, I think it’s a wonderfully easy and simple way to show submission and respect for his wishes. 🙂

      With all the interesting things out there to read, I really did need to hear this perspective as well, from all you ladies! Thank you!


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