The words He says

He told me this weekend that I calm Him, make Him happy …. bring Him peace I think is what He means.

Those thoughts and words bring me peace.

He calms me as well, makes me happy, makes me softer.

I worried a short while ago that I was getting too soft, too soft to fight a good fight which unfortunately the world still asks of me from time to time.

I quickly figured out that it didn’t matter any more, I have a warrior on my side to fight the fight too! I don’t have to be impenetrable any more because He is my armor now.

Peace, yes I think that’s what it’s called.

Happy Monday All!

Love You Always my Wonderful Sir โค

Skin care and play preparation

After I wrote the short post on ‘did you know‘ I went back and looked through some of the previous posts on my blog. I knew I had written a couple good ones 2 years ago with some ideas of what and how to care for your skin, after having suffered some issues myself, and so I thought I’d re-post them here now for anyone interested in having a look!

Skin Care and a paddled ass!

Skin care update! (they do have info that is different than what’s on here)

For the most part I have found that bruising is either non-existent or minimal when the proper skin routine is well-kept and a proper warm up before play is also maintained. When picking a lotion pick one that has a high level of Vitamin E and preferably not heavy in scent or colour. I’ve been using ‘Hydrate’ by St.Ives and even with my sensitive skin I have had no problems. We used to have a vitamin E named version here but it seems to be discontinued, this was the replacement and it works well. It is also less then $5 for 600 ml, can’t beat it!

After play of course you need to be mindful of just how hard you have worked your skin and provide the aftercare that is required, the link on the previous post pointed out many good options there. Sometimes you need more, sometimes a simple rub down will work, and Vitamin E, always … I can’t begin to tell you how well that works and the effect gets better and better with time. Be mindful however that any broken skin should NOT be exposed to any lotions outside of an anti bacterial, you could cause more trauma or infection by adding things to broken or irritated skin, including arnica gel! Read the first skin care link, you’ll see!

Depending on what sensation you are after we have also found that using baby oil or coconut oil on the skin before play adds to the sting and sensation without having to use nearly as much force. Needless to say that less force means less bruising and the bonus is that with Sir’s tendonitis acting up from time to time it also means He can play longer, more often and more intense feeling without having to ‘pay the piper’ later for over working His arm and shoulder. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I will say that if you play hard enough to break the skin or are into knives you should likely stay away from the oils. They will naturally collect bacteria and you don’t want that put into any open wounds.

Good Luck All! I for one am not interested in permanent marks! Maybe it’s because of all the years I spent damaging my body but as it stands now, I want it to be pristine. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Happy Sunday!

Did you know …. ?

Did you know that repeatedly indulging in spanking could leave you with permanent discoloration of the skin on your bottom, or any where for that matter?

Proper warm up and after care can help but there is still a possibility of permanent scars or marks even if you are careful ….

Might want to keep that in mind, I was not aware of this. Were you? I figured if you warmed up, took good care after and were careful not to over do it you would always heal and be fine.

Evidently for some, that is not the case.

A ‘little’ or not …… about a lot!

Oh boy, where to start! Just the idea of writing this makes my head ache but truth is I have seen in my travels some who have tried to deal with this thought and for some reason or other disappeared. It’s a thought that did throw me for a loop. for a minute anyway before I got a grip and moved on. The people I was talking to at the time didn’t help, they also were the reason for the manners post …. if that gives you any idea of where I was. Anyway …!

Everyone says your dynamic should be your own, unique and special and such, but the second you vary from their definition they try to pull you in a direction that you don’t want or are not comfortable with, your head aches (told yah!) and you are lost and feel like running!

I’ll tell you now, this is not meant to be offensive to any of you, it is not meant as a judgement on titles, labels or dynamics but it is however a different take ….. I am not intolerant of anyone’s kink, that is not what I’m about here and if that’s all you get out of this post, well than you have totally missed the mark! So be it.

So on with it than, some time ago, well a long time ago actually when I finally found the man I wanted to marry there was this ‘thing’ that I started to feel first. It was the thing that told me I wanted Him as a partner and that no other would do. I didn’t have a name for it, really didn’t matter. My shunning of labels and need to be myself is not new to D/s, it’s just a me thing. Probably best I didn’t know anything about these labels and dynamics actually because if I did it would have totally wigged me out! I know me back then, I would have run and hid so deep I’m not even sure that the Bear would be able to find me, not back then. I’m sure you are all very confused by now, it’s about to get more so ….

I am not ‘little’ but I am most certainly His ‘little girl’! I do not call Him daddy, the idea to me is repulsive, again this is not about you, it’s about my own experience growing up. The word daddy doesn’t give me a warm soft feeling, it makesย meย put on my warrior armor and prepare for battle.

I don’t use the term ‘daddy’ but I have my Bear.ย  My Bear is when I’m feeling small and playful and/or in need of a rest from the harshness and responsibility of the world. My Bear is when I need a bit more softness and a place to cuddle into and rest. Bear takes care of the little girl, ugh see ‘girl’! ;P He regularly calls me little girl or little one or bunny, I don’t mind I actually quite like it, it’s how we made it work for us.
The main difference I suppose is that I got that feeling from Him before we even married,ย thatย was the one that was beginning to hide away when things were not balanced here in the house 5 years or so ago, before we started doing this ‘thing’.
We have a picture that is Sir’s most favourite of all time, once we started this ‘thing’ He realized why it has always been His favourite. It was at the pre wedding party a few weeks before we married, my head is on His chest and I guess I look very peaceful and comfortable to Him even with all the people and commotion about. And of course my side was as ‘lovely’ as always at the time ….
He sees now what He didn’t have a name for then, He sees His little girl leaning into Him for comfort and support, hiding away from all the rest. He still looks at it now and then and tells me ‘it was always there wasn’t it’? Yup! That’s why I married the Bear …
So yes I get it, the Bear takes care of me in a way no one else ever has, I don’t care for diapers or baby talk or binkies! I do like stuffed animals though and He will get them for me from time to time to see my smile but I don’t sit and play with them. I’m not childish or bratty but I do get very goofy and playful especially when things are balanced as they have been as of late, even with all the outside noise of life.
It’s not about an ‘age’ it’s about a level of comfort.
No matter where or what, if the Bear sees the little girl in need everything gets dropped and she gets cared for first – rules, rituals and what have you can wait, she is more important.
He doesn’t like Master so I will refer to Him as your ‘Evilness’ when that’s what I need and He calls me “****” (I’ll let you figure that out yourself), most often I call Him Sir and He says nijntje, but as of late it’s been bunny or little girl and the Bear … simple but effective way to let each other know what we need at any moment. For us it works. ๐Ÿ˜€
Makes sense though if you think on it … Big Bear and little bunny ….
Mine was squashed so badly as a child that I tried to literally cut it out for most of my teens, I didn’t just go to adult armor I went full on warrior, but in the end the ideals are the same.
I don’t call Him daddy, I can’t, it doesn’t work for me, it doesn’t suit …. the label says I need an ‘age’ to identify with, I don’t. I’m a grown woman looking for a few minutes of rest from someone who is able and willing to protect and nurture this inner self that really has never been cared for before.
No I am not a ‘little’ but I am most certainly His little girl. He is not my daddy, my brain can’t deal with that, but He is my Bear! Sometimes the polar and sometimes the teddy! ๐Ÿ˜‰ always my Bear!

Thoughts? Questions?

Submission 101 – Manners

Read something today that touched on this subject – since I wrote this at the beginning of my blogging experience and many were not yet here I thought it would be worth a re-blog!ย 

Sounds simple enough, everyone knows you should have good manners. I can’t imagine any dominant that would be okay with having His/Her submissive disrespect them or be generally rude. We all know we should say please and thank you, we all know we should be polite and choose our words wisely. But is it just with our dominants that the manners count?

In my view having good manners applies to everyone we encounter, not just our DOM. Even if you fall into that ‘I don’t care what everyone else thinks’ category (which I don’t agree has anything to do with it, but moving on) my job is to please Sir. I don’t believe that behaving rudely or disrespectfully to anyone would impress Him very much.

My Sir wants me to carry myself in a way that makes others want to ‘be’ Him not feel sorry for Him because he’s been stuck with me. I strive to be the best person I can be always and even if the other person doesn’t deserve it then at least do it for your dominant. Hopefully somewhere along the way you will start doing it for your own worth and self respect.

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you โ€” not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma’s only a bitch if you are. ~Author Unknown

Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength. ~Eric Hoffer

Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude. ~Maurice Baring

Politeness is like an air-cushionโ€”there may be nothing in it, but it wonderfully eases the joltings along the rough road of life. ~Attributed to H.W. Beecher

Some of my favourites, Love You Sir! โค

 

Balance

The more confident the Master – the more at peace the Warrior

The more apparent the Dominant – the more balanced the nijntje

THAT’S when the bunny comes out to play, I think the Bear likes the bunny best! ๐Ÿ˜‰

He must, because He works really hard at keeping her here, and hopping! *giggle*

Thank you Bear, for all you do!

I knew from the very beginning that it was you … โค

Love You Always my Wonderful โค

Sometimes in life, what you *want* just needs to wait.

I don’t think it’s any secret that in this relationship as in any other, one side feeds the other. Sometimes the energy comes from the Dominant side, sometimes the submissive side. I don’t believe anyone can be all one thing all the time, humans are not ‘linear’. I also don’t believe that being submissive means you just sit back and wait for the Dominant to always be the one fueling and initiating everything that is ‘dynamic’ related. I’ve written about Self Advocating and about Being Honestย and I don’t believe any of that has to do with ‘topping’ so I won’t allow myself to use that as an excuse to forgo my responsibility in the life we have chosen.

All that being said, fanning and fueling the dominant and submissive fires has become more difficult around here than ever it was before. Many of the things I used to do on a regular basis, because we enjoyed them firstly and because they were great physical reminders, have been cut way back! This isn’t because I don’t want to or because they are physically too difficult, it’s because of a change in energy in the house, with the kids.

Although the kids are and always have been home bodies and many of these things I speak of were done even when they were here anyway, the change of energy has made it so I think some of these things have now become triggers of sorts for one of my boys. I’m not going into detail here about that but sufficed to say that my wearing of a bit more obvious collar during the evenings and weekends, sitting at His feet, or just generally playing around with a handful of *smacks* for good measure which we used to indulge in from time to time, has been seriously cut back or simply off the table when the boys are up or within ear shot.

The deep exhale and calm that used to be so easy to get has now become a very hard thing to manage at the end of a long day. Why do these physical things work so well for me/us? I don’t know, but they do and the only way to get them now without being on edge that I might have to run and hide, or jump up at the slightest noise is to be hidden away in our bedroom.

That wouldn’t leave much family time, and with two teenagers managing life the last thing we want to do is be unavailable for them. Yes my relationship with my husband is important but it’s not more important than my kids well-being, and it is a serious enough issue that we’re not willing to chance things. We made a commitment as parents too, that doesn’t go away because we decided to play kinky.

So guess what we’re doing now? Yup, more thinking, more talking, more trying to come up with a new list of ‘submissive’ triggers for me that are very quick, very discreet and can keep things going. A new list of things I can do to keep His Dominance on the top of His mind too that others might not notice but He can see and focus on. Nothing is going on hold, we just need to get even more imaginative! ๐Ÿ˜‰ nijntje is going into stealthy ninja mode ….. *giggle*

 

I think this is just more fun to be had, I suppose I could mope and complain …. but why? Just a bit more talking and a bit more imagination is all it takes. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m ready Sir!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ *giggle* Do you think you can catch me again?!?!? And do that thing we talked about …… ?!?!? *giggle*

Love You Always My Wonderful Sir โค

 

In desperate need …..

…. of inspiration!

Things have been crazy busy around here and with visits and planning and yard work etc. the last thing on the mind has been kink! Or sex for that matter …..

Wanna see a bored bunny?!? Come on over ….. ๐Ÿ˜›

Mission kink-possible!

Your mission Sir, should you choose to accept it:

will be hopping around the house, catch me if you can! ๐Ÿ˜‰

TGIF!

 

Triggers ….

I made a comment the other week to someone that music has always been a huge trigger for me, but not all triggers are bad are they? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Remember when you used to take me dancing Sir?!?!?! lol I’ll get my hat!

Good thing we have a long weekend coming ….. woot woot! I’ll let you guys figure out what kind of trigger this might be! ๐Ÿ˜€

My ‘submission’ was and is a dominant act.

Confusing? It shouldn’t be. In my view the main responsibility of a dominant is to identify and provide for the needs of those whom they have made themselves responsible.

While in the dominant role at home it became obvious that my husband needed to be in charge in order to feel fulfilled in His role. Where is it written that a dominant can’t choose to let someone else take the lead?

He is capable, responsible, steady, strong and willing. Contrary to some comments and posts I have read, I believe that the privilege to lead is earned not a given …. every leadership role I have been in has been earned, to me this is no different.

I mentioned the other day I’m not entirely sure I have a ‘submissive mindset’ and this is what I was referring to. I made a dominant decision to let Him lead, to give Him the information, respect and responsibility for things inside our home and family. My responsibility now is to be sure to follow through, and so I do.

I’m not saying I don’t get anything out of it, quite the contrary! Having someone to take the burden is obviously a wonderful turn of events and I can tell you I’m enjoying it immensely! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Perhaps this is why I really don’t struggle with ‘submission’, to me it’s a welcome respite from all the other times when I am in the leadership role.

Love You Always Sir โค