Spanking – Scene or Punishment?

This is my opinion here and I know many of you will likely disagree, but if you seem to need to be punished often then perhaps I’m not that far off in my thoughts? Or you can disregard this and go on your merry way …. to each their own as they say. I’m not trying to say anyone is anything … I just happen to like to think and this thought has been playing on my mind for a while.

It seems to me that most of what I read in regards to punishments and spankings is more of a play interaction than it is an actual punishment, even if the person thinks they are doing it as a punishment, psychologically speaking it is having the effect of a scene, not a deterrent.

If your punishment is something that could be found in porn or erotica than chances are it is more in keeping with kinky play than the other. Now I’m not saying that it is impossible to use spanking as a punishment for someone who enjoys it otherwise, I’m just saying that perhaps the occurrences I read about are not the most effective way of doing it. Especially if you seem to be repeating the same mistakes and constantly needing to be punished for it or something similar. In a nutshell, I don’t think longer is better in this case …

We do use spankings as punishment even though I am a masochist through and through and we also use spankings as a form of play, very regularly actually. My punishments however are few and very far between, I would have to guess that they are effective! One year, ten months and counting πŸ˜€

With play there is a build up, warm up, often many toys are used and when we are lucky a simple spanking can go on for up to 2 hours. Sometimes there is sex and orgasm and sometimes there is none. I am normally feeling very free, a bit spacey and cared for and loved.

Punishment however is normally done within minutes, yes that fast! There is no warm up, generally the number of swats is 10 …. depending on the infraction Sir can certainly add to that but usually by 5 or 10 more – that’s it. They are hard enough to get the point across but by this time the point is forgiveness and dropping of guilt for me. The number is not great and the time involved allows for no chemical reactions to take place, no endorphines are released, no sub space or spacey feeling is achieved, nothing even remotely close. We BOTH hate having to do punishment spankings … there is absolutely no sex involved. See nothing to get excited about, nothing you would find in porn.

‘Punishments’ are actually more of an affirmation on my part that I am sorry and I WILL NOT be repeating that mistake again, not a deterrent for poor behaviour. Behaviour is changed with time and patience, with looking at the specific cause and putting things into effect that help to alleviate that issue.

Spankings make me feel relaxed and cared for and peaceful, they allow me to stay even so that I can navigate through life’s trials without much fuss or acting up. But this is play, this is a tool used to stay happy, but it is not trouble.Β 

‘Punishments’ allow me to get forgiveness and move forward without forever beating myself up over it. The energy is different, my mood is different, it is almost clinical in nature and although I am cared for afterwards the message is I’m still a good girl, I’m still loved and this is now forgotten.

In my view there is a reason why ‘punishment spankings’ are seen often in a role-playing scene. If your punishment looks more like that then perhaps deep, deep down in your psyche it’s really no punishment at all?

Something to consider …. Happy Sunday!



(Re-blog) Some like it Rough β€” Creative Sexpression

…. humm, today I’m just a bunny …. πŸ˜€

You will understand if you read to the end! Happy Sunday!

How does the kinky brain work? Ciao’s resident sex therapist, Cat O Dowd, caught up with professional dominatrix Kalyss Mercury, who is studying the neuroscience of kink at the University of Oslo. Mistress Kalyss Mercury is exploring how specific BDSM activities (like spanking or humiliation) benefits people, especially the psychological benefits. She also takes herΒ […]

via Some like it Rough β€” Creative Sexpression

Needs and desires

It seems to me that the most successful and happy submissives out there are the ones who are upfront and honest about their needs and desires.

That is the point after all, isn’t it? I take care of your needs and you take care of mine? Open, honest communication. Yes, always in a respectful and mindful manner but always honest and talking.

No hiding, no second guessing or trying to keep things ‘off their plate’. It’s not leading or topping, it’s communicating and offering up one more part of ourselves.

I could use a good scene or a good book right about now but with a houseful I think a book is going to have to do. Perhaps a bit more than 5 minutes this time and then a book! There is no reason I couldn’t be locked away in our room adorned with whatever gifts you decide to bestow on me however! πŸ˜€

Neither of us is feeling very good right now anyway – that’s probably all we have energy for! *chuckle*

Looking forward to getting lost in you Sir! Even if only for a short while …

Love You Always Sir ❀