Reader Question ….

“I’ll admit to have yet to go thru all your archived posts, however, I’m always interested in hearing how people lost their virginity and the evolution of their sexuality, even prior to that.
If you’ve done such a blog, PLS let me know the link.”

Well! lol This might be a bit of a long post and might not be exactly what you would expect from little old me! 😉 In a nut shell, my first time with sexual intercourse was completely planned and really held no emotional significance to me what so ever. Yup, it’s true ….

Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t promiscuous or anything like that, I haven’t had a variety of partners (if you do that’s your prerogative, I didn’t) and I was actually engaged to the guy at the time. Obviously that didn’t work out ….

I have always been very aware of my sexuality and I never did buy in to the idea that men were studs for embracing theirs and woman were whores! Sorry, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander! Again, I don’t believe in promiscuity but with my own husband, darn straight I’m going to enjoy myself and be proud to.

Anyway, I was engaged and we obviously decided not to wait mostly because I was curious and viewed it as very much a science experiment. I had read and researched all sorts of biology books (no not porn) and knew pretty much all there was to know scientifically speaking but one never really knows the feel of something until you do it, do you? It wasn’t a bad experience and I had no onset of emotion or guilt or anything like that. I did end up a bit perplexed when he commented that if he hadn’t known better he would not have guessed it was my first time (besides the obvious bleeding) because I ‘actually moved and made noises, didn’t just lay there’. I couldn’t understand why one wouldn’t ‘get into it’, what would be the point otherwise?!?! That was the first time I realized I might be just a bit different at this than most.

I have posted before about my lack of ’emotion’ when it came to the world, due to my past and all of this happened in that time period. I had accepted the engagement because I really never thought life would be any more than a hollow shell for me. He was a nice guy, treated me like a queen and did provide a sense of safety that I had never seen anywhere else in my life. A lot of the self harm issues were coming to an end around now and a lot of growth was going on within me, I was 18, so I did eventually decide I would rather be alone than numb so I broke it off.

What I didn’t realize until many years later (like just recently) was that my favourite part about the first time was the pain! So I guess masochist has been part of me from the beginning.

Not much happened after that until I met my husband and Sir 😀 I had done my experiment now I was waiting for the right one, although before I met Him I had decided it would never happen. I had very much resigned myself to the idea of being alone! Until along came the Bear ……

I told you D/s turned me into a girl, well the Bear turned me into a girl long before D/s! I’ve never let anyone inside my world before and 43 years later (on this Earth, not married years! lol) I still have no need to let anyone else get close, outside of my boys of course.

Not sure if that answers your question, it doesn’t really answer the evolution but certainly the loss of virginity. I have never really had many ‘hard limits’ and assuming it’s safe I’m normally game to try most things once! 😉 What are my limits you’ll ask …. condensed version is:

No sharing

No ‘showers’ of any sort

No cutting/blood (triggers)

No fire/burning (triggers)

I think that’s enough openness for one day! 😉

Happy Friday All!

3 thoughts on “Reader Question ….

  1. Thank you for sharing, nijntje! I’m glad you found your Bear, your Sir, and that you were able to let him in. You two have been together FOREVER…and I can’t wait until Daddy and I can say the same 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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