I don’t normally write about the sexual aspect of my relationship and I still have no intention of going into any personal details but I was thinking about how would I explain to a friend what and why I would choose to be sexually submissive to my husband, for the sake of the sex alone.
There was much more that needed to be in place before any of this was ever thought of for me. Firstly I’m not submissive in the slightest and secondly I had seen and dealt with enough domineering donkey’s in my past that the idea of trying this never appealed to me. All the ground work was set first and there are well over 500 posts for you to read that in should you choose! 😉 So on with the sex of it …
In my view the point of BDSM and D/s sexually speaking (yes there is much, much more, I said that already) is for the DOM to push the submissive to the brink of ecstasy. The Dom is in charge of playing and finding the things that make the submissive squirm and yelp and beg for more. This requires practice and patience not only to experiment and find the ‘key’ but also to hold oneself back in order to focus on providing for the submissive. Sometimes it may seem like the Dom is actually ‘taking’, like [your kink here] for example, but if this is something that gets the submissive ‘off’ or puts them into a subspace trance then the truth is that the act is more for the giver than it is for the taker.
The main difference between a scene or sex that the sub wants as opposed to simply being ‘used’ is that the submissive gets to be fulfilled. Bondage, humiliation, sensation play and multiple orgasms along with impact play are all things that make it fulfilling for the submissive. “Bend over and get your hands back here” however is the being ‘used’ part and for the Dom. That is not to say that the submissive doesn’t enjoy such acts and also craves to provide them because we do! It’s the balance of both that maintains the relationship in a happy place.
It should be up to the dominant and part of their responsibility to look for and act out these ‘roller coaster’ types of encounters when the orgasms are many with slower sensual play between in order to provide the smallest amount of respite and then ramp things back up once more to the next orgasm. This type of play is for and mostly about the submissive regardless of how it appears from the outside.
Once the submissive is basically putty in your hands and simply can’t go on you can either force one more “O” 😉 or, providing it is safe to do so, now would be the time for ‘get your hands back here and spread those cheeks little girl”!
As much as a cycle of spanking, sex and orgasm is fun it is simply not the same.
Wouldn’t you agree??
Some submissive’s are not into impact play, some are not into humiliation some are not into what ever else you might think …. the fact is that as a submissive I get better and more fulfilling sex. It’s not that the sex wasn’t good before but there are so many other things to do and try and so many other ways to make myself feel good, all under the “ruse” of being used by and doing for my Dominant.
The truth is that during D/s style sex I get much more play specific to ME and my likes and wants. The only way to push me to the brink of ecstasy is to first know and understand all MY wants and desires not His own. My wants become His wants because ultimately what Sir needs is to drive me completely and utterly crazy with lust for Him. His want to control my need and my reaction is only fulfilled by first learning and perfecting what it is that turns me on!
So why would I want to be submissive sexually to my husband? Because it gives Him a greater understanding of what I want sexually and in turn better fulfills my sexual needs. Seems perfectly fair than for me to fulfill His needs too, don’t you think?
Being sexually submissive doesn’t mean it’s all about Him at all – truthfully, it’s now so much more about me! 😉 LOL
If your dominant can’t provide for your *needs* before their *wants* then perhaps they are not for you … !?!
Love You Always Sir! ❤ (Such a Yummy Weekend!) 😉