This is my opinion here and I know many of you will likely disagree, but if you seem to need to be punished often then perhaps I’m not that far off in my thoughts? Or you can disregard this and go on your merry way …. to each their own as they say. I’m not trying to say anyone is anything … I just happen to like to think and this thought has been playing on my mind for a while.

It seems to me that most of what I read in regards to punishments and spankings is more of a play interaction than it is an actual punishment, even if the person thinks they are doing it as a punishment, psychologically speaking it is having the effect of a scene, not a deterrent.

If your punishment is something that could be found in porn or erotica than chances are it is more in keeping with kinky play than the other. Now I’m not saying that it is impossible to use spanking as a punishment for someone who enjoys it otherwise, I’m just saying that perhaps the occurrences I read about are not the most effective way of doing it. Especially if you seem to be repeating the same mistakes and constantly needing to be punished for it or something similar. In a nutshell, I don’t think longer is better in this case …

We do use spankings as punishment even though I am a masochist through and through and we also use spankings as a form of play, very regularly actually. My punishments however are few and very far between, I would have to guess that they are effective! One year, ten months and counting 😀

With play there is a build up, warm up, often many toys are used and when we are lucky a simple spanking can go on for up to 2 hours. Sometimes there is sex and orgasm and sometimes there is none. I am normally feeling very free, a bit spacey and cared for and loved.

Punishment however is normally done within minutes, yes that fast! There is no warm up, generally the number of swats is 10 …. depending on the infraction Sir can certainly add to that but usually by 5 or 10 more – that’s it. They are hard enough to get the point across but by this time the point is forgiveness and dropping of guilt for me. The number is not great and the time involved allows for no chemical reactions to take place, no endorphines are released, no sub space or spacey feeling is achieved, nothing even remotely close. We BOTH hate having to do punishment spankings … there is absolutely no sex involved. See nothing to get excited about, nothing you would find in porn.

‘Punishments’ are actually more of an affirmation on my part that I am sorry and I WILL NOT be repeating that mistake again, not a deterrent for poor behaviour. Behaviour is changed with time and patience, with looking at the specific cause and putting things into effect that help to alleviate that issue.

Spankings make me feel relaxed and cared for and peaceful, they allow me to stay even so that I can navigate through life’s trials without much fuss or acting up. But this is play, this is a tool used to stay happy, but it is not trouble. 

‘Punishments’ allow me to get forgiveness and move forward without forever beating myself up over it. The energy is different, my mood is different, it is almost clinical in nature and although I am cared for afterwards the message is I’m still a good girl, I’m still loved and this is now forgotten.

In my view there is a reason why ‘punishment spankings’ are seen often in a role-playing scene. If your punishment looks more like that then perhaps deep, deep down in your psyche it’s really no punishment at all?

Something to consider …. Happy Sunday!




3 thoughts on “Spanking – Scene or Punishment?

  1. This is an intriguing piece, nijntje! I know one element for me that differentiates a true punishment spanking (we call them discipline spankings) from any other type of spanking (stress relief, prelude to sex, ect.) is the fear and dread aspects. When I have displeased my Daddy in some way, which still happens frequently as I am new to this and still learning the boundaries, I absolutely dread a discipline spanking. I do fear discipline spankings because I know that it is going to really hurt and that I will have no control over how long it lasts. Sometimes, I am crying before the spanking even begins but this is often due to my own feelings of guilt about letting him down. I do love the aspect you mentioned about punishments though…about the forgiveness and being able to move forward. Prior to D/s, if one of us did something wrong- messed up in some way- those feelings of shame would often linger for a long time. I am grateful that now, if I mess up, that we both just move forward and let it go after I have been disciplined.
    Great post!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I gave you something to ponder! 😀 I find this theme comes up for me from time to time over the years we’ve been doing this. Normally it’s because I wonder if I’m getting off ‘easy’ but the conclusion for me is always the same, no I’m not. It’s actually more effective this way we have found and so Sir continues to do it this way.

      You did raise some good points, I’d like to respond from our perspective if I might. The fear and dread is definitely still there and yes a large part of that is the pain aspect as well. I have found that these spankings seem to hurt much more even though the intensity might not be at the top of my threshold. The lack of warm up and subsequent release of chemicals has everything to do with that I’m sure.

      This also means that there is absolutely no ‘positive’ side effects of this type of spanking either, playing around with BDSM like we do I’m not always in the mood for play or a spanking when Sir decides to and sometimes the fear of pain and dread is there during play as well (of course I have my safe words and it is all still consensual) but I have never left a session not ‘liking it’ in some way.

      When it comes to corrections, they still hurt like h3ll, they are memorable and feared and felt for days afterwards but I never leave with a ‘good’ feeling of any sort, outside from assuaging my guilt that is! There is simply no time for the ‘feel good’ chemicals to start, and it really does change things ….

      At the beginning of our journey I had a love/hate relationship with corrections. I wanted them as much as I ‘feared’ them and I wished for longer and more complex spankings. I felt it would make me accountable and Sir more dominant, more in charge …. eventually I figured out that He was right of course, once the chemicals started flowing the switch flips in your mind whether you want it or not. There is no love/hate in these moments any longer – I hate them, period.

      This was our evolution anyway …. 😀 Thank you for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

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