I’m not sure how to explain this in a way that wouldn’t require a book to explain all the nuances and intricacies so I’m just going to keep it simple and go for it.
Before this change and before we started with repercussions for behaviour I never would have been open about my wants and needs or about needing help in anything. I was not comfortable taking up His time or energy or simply adding to His stress on my behalf! I bottled things up, pushed them way deep down and carried on by myself. Asking for help was never an option, it simply wasn’t on my radar as something I was entitled to!
For some reason in my mind that fact that Sir wants things a certain way and will take steps to ensure that things are maintained (corrections) also means that He is interested in doing things to help me maintain His standards, our standards, and that I can and should make my needs known and ask for help when needed.
The repercussions have given me permission in a way to rely on Him when I am in need instead of crawling deep inside myself and walling up, or acting out. If I’m in a down mood and He needs me to join Him (thanks for the idea Nora 😉 hope you don’t mind I ran with it!) I find that His words and commands practically give me the permission I need to fluff it off and be happy once more. This is something I never would have given myself, I’m very good at doing and being for everyone but I have never allowed it for myself, at least not until now!
This type of accountability has given me the freedom to get help and take care of myself! It gives me the freedom and confidence to know He cares enough to be there and wants very much to care for me and help when needed.
I’m going to guess that’s why the lack of rules and notice is so detrimental especially after you have experienced this type of relationship. From our perspective at least lack of rules and repercussions means lack of care.
Despite what it might appear to the outside world it’s only when He doesn’t notice and correct behaviours that I feel wrong(ed).
Love You Always Sir! ❤
When I/We first started down this road of ‘whatever it is’ and spankings for bad behaviour and such, *I* wasn’t the one having issues controlling my temper and mouth ….
I have never been one to speak rudely to anyone, I have practiced patience and understanding since I was very young and I have never been one to feel entitled to anything … perhaps that’s why ?!?! Don’t know, maybe …
When things started getting tense for us it was certainly because I had all the control and Sir had none but I wasn’t the one unhappy and acting out, He was. It was a huge leap of faith on my part for sure to bring this ‘thing’ to him and decide to give it a try. I didn’t particularly like the way He was behaving at the time but I did know that He had it in Him to do better and be better and frankly I was getting tired of doing and being it all on my own.
It wasn’t all terrible fights and yelling, don’t get me wrong we really have never been like that – but He was stepping away, getting distant and basically checking out because He felt unnecessary and redundant I suppose.
If ever He does need to punish me He follows through and it makes me feel both cared for and wanted, but it doesn’t happen often. It’s been about a year and a half now since I have actually been in trouble for behaviour and I have no intention of breaking that streak! 😉 We’ve been at this a while now and I can count the times on one hand …. almost all in the beginning and frankly all due to a bit more alcohol than perhaps was wise!
What has changed with this new-found power is His new found (or not so new now) desire to check His own behaviour, not just mine. You can’t discipline someone if you don’t keep track of their behaviour and that causes you to keep track of your own. You also can’t discipline someone for things and then turn around and do them yourself … at least my Sir certainly can’t do it with a clear conscience.
Spankings/discipline doesn’t just make me better, it makes us both better, it’s a two-way street. It makes us both accountable.
Funny thing how and why we started isn’t it? Seems to be backwards from most of what I hear, but then again that seems to be the norm here! LOL
We have since decided we like the closeness and stress relief of the ‘impact play’ but it’s done outside of punishment, none of the guilt and all of the benefit.
Love You Always Sir! ❤
I think the key (at least one of them) to a good relationship is to make the other person feel appreciated and wanted. Speak it, often! Verbalize the things you find helpful, or nice or just plain sweet that made you feel good and smile for a bit. Showing appreciation is something that is within our own control and doesn’t require rules or protocols or dynamics …. it also is not dependent on the other person to start. Simple things, easy things, small things – notice them, say something and do it regularly.
As most of you know I have some physical issues that tend to catch up with me from time to time so chores can be a pain, in the real sense! A few days ago Sir came in and noticed that I had vacuumed the rug in the family room, well all the main floor but this was the one He was mentioning at the time. He said He knew that it was hard on me physically and He really didn’t want me over doing it for any reason *but* that for some reason when I do it it always seems so much better than when He does. He said I have a way of making it look like new despite the teens and pets etc. ……
So we have had a wonderful weekend since then and did all sorts of fun and memorable things for sure! I have a nasty bruise on my upper leg and I can’t quite say I remember getting it – must have been a good time I suppose! 😛 As I sit here though enjoying a few minutes of quiet the thing that keeps going through my head is that He notices my efforts and appreciates what I do, and that it can be difficult for me to do at times.
Things like that happen all the time so when it comes to trying to be pleasing, well of course I want to and I never have to force it. It makes it really easy to be and do and want to try all sorts of things to be the best for Him. He makes it easy to be His, to want to be His!
No whips or chains, no ropes or protocols ….. it’s His character that makes me want to follow. He always makes me feel like the most important person in His life and in turn I want to give Him all of me.
Love You Always Sir ❤