Trying to make a change – anyone help?

I have two blogs that are linked to this email address which means that all my comments are under Sir’s nijntje and anyone looking me up automatically comes to this blog.

What I would like to do it change it so that the other blog has a different email and profile, does anyone know if this is possible and how? Outside of having to start over …..

Thanks! and Happy Monday! 😀

The mundane – the things that might not fit your definition …

I asked if there were any ideas or suggestions/questions for future posts and I did receive a couple. I will get to them I promise and try my best to explain in a fashion that you can understand. (I’m not always certain I get things across the way I wish too.)

For now I guess I have decided to explain something that I have been trying to come to terms with and rolling around in my mind for a while, which is always the way my mind works, around and around until it is solved … the mundane, everyday facts.

Lately as far as the typical D/s-ish sites are concerned I have been pretty much ‘policing’ myself. I really don’t get told/ordered to do much, if anything. There are a couple of things that are dictated in our mutual agreement but the fact is that if I didn’t make a point of doing them myself I would likely never be asked or found out. There are also a few different rules we worked out some time ago that I’m willing to bet Sir doesn’t even remember. I don’t forget, I have a very good memory for things, too good really because there are things I wish I could forget. (That’s a different blog! ;P LOL)

Sometimes I wish that He would be a bit more active in His dominance but the truth is that He doesn’t feel the need I suppose. He knows He doesn’t need to ask me about every detail because He knows I can’t ‘not’ follow through. If something comes up that hinders the completion of a task I let Him know, always …. having to be in charge of such things is just not necessary so He doesn’t follow-up because He knows He doesn’t have to.

This does sometimes play on my mind and I think it happens to play on the minds of others as well, although I don’t know if their DOMs are in the same situation as mine when it comes to certainty of task completion. Anyway …. it happens and I could choose not to follow through and see what happens. I know what would happen, I always think in probabilities and 5 steps ahead, I would likely get away with non compliance for a very long time until I would likely need to be the one to make it known, fess up! I’m pretty confident that He wouldn’t ask because He really has no reason to believe He needs to, so this makes active shows of dominance difficult to spot, when none are ‘required’ in order to ensure compliance … don’t you think?!?

I suppose He could just do it anyway, as a show of dominance, a gesture meant to keep dynamic. That’s true, but honestly there have been so many other more important things going on around here the putting on a show of any sort is the last thing we have time or energy for. The facts are that when needed His strength and guidance are abundant and when it’s just for show most things have really been pushed aside.

Part of my personality is that I’m INTJ (The Architect) I plan, and focus on all the bits and pieces of things and issues, I make plans as to how best to deal with them and I implement them. It’s my thing, it’s what I do best but it does tend to blur the lines between dominant and submissive in a day-to-day atmosphere. Sir is not this personality type, He’s exactly the opposite of me actually, ESFP (The Entertainer) a perfect complement, but only if you appreciate the differences in each other and learn to communicate and learn from each others strengths.

Examples I think might be the easiest way for me to show what I have been thinking of trying to explain:

I need some self-reflection and quiet time, I was hoping/would like that Sir would take this opportunity to order ‘kneeling’ practice with perhaps some ‘tools’ to help focus my mind more quickly and block the outside noise from creeping in.  The fact is that He has all but forgotten about it – yeah it’s true He’s not perfect and since I don’t act up He doesn’t remember I requested this. Yes I did already talk to Him about it, given plenty of ideas and explained why it is important to me. So far nothing ….

I suppose I could ‘brat’ and get His attention, make Him remember and then have to deal with me and we could both feel bad, OR I could change it from Kneeling to Meditating in my own mind and find the time and space on my own. I would still like to use some pain play to help keep the ‘noise’ out but just to be in keeping with ‘submissive’ I will ask if I can use them for my mediation instead of just doing it. Technically I can touch the ‘toys’ as long as I’m not playing and although this doesn’t really qualify as playing (at least I don’t think it does) I will submit to His will and ask first.

Yeah I know He’s not reading my mind and taking care of my needs without a reminder …. so?? I’m not really the type of person who needs that, I could turn this into a problem or I can find a solution where I can still be respectful and submissive and He can still have final say and be in charge.

When real life is beating the sh*t out of me and I can’t go on is when He picks me up and carries the weight, that’s when He really takes charge and cares for me … so I can do my own meditating! And if He wants me to kneel for Him at some time when He remembers, well then I will do that too!

So tell me all, was this interesting? Helpful?

Happy Mother’s Day Ladies! Hope you are enjoying your days. 😀

Hummm, …. anyone?

I always feel odd when I don’t write something, but at this point I’m not entirely sure what to write ….

I’ve covered most topics I can think of that are not directly sexually explicit over the past year and a half already. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to read about the mundane everyday stuff that was set on ‘repeat’ …

Original-Suggestion-Box

I don’t think most people read back on a blog further than when they ‘arrived’ but just in case I don’t like to repeat myself so …..

Or perhaps a simple curiosity …..

Any suggestions anyone?!??!

Happy Friday!

Things and stuff …. but not less D/s

My life isn’t any different from anyone else’s, we have tough times and issues to deal with sometimes more than what we bargained for but hey! Such is life …..

Nothing much has changed from a couple of days ago to today but things are looking a bit brighter regardless. Sometimes just getting a second opinion and words of encouragement are enough, enough for me anyway.

And we are still no less D/s or connected or what have you …..

Things aren’t all high protocol and scripted and BDSM has not been on the radar for some time. We have our connection and some impact play but it certainly hasn’t been the things that stories are written about every day or every time. We have work, kids, issues and no time that we are alone at home so low-key and ‘whatever we can sneak in’ is just going to have to do for now ….. but I don’t feel any less connected.

Am I missing some of the more intense play that lasts hours and leaves me exhausted … well, yes but I don’t translate that into less submissive or less connected. I still know I’m His and I still know I can come to Him if I need something, and I do. Perhaps that’s the key that keeps me going, I don’t second guess if I should say something or not, I just do … and He takes care of it as He sees fit.

Sometimes it’s nothing more than a tug on my hair to make me look up at Him while He tells me I’m His, or when He rubs His hand across my backside while we’re out and about, or He places His hand on the back of my neck and rubs His thumb up and down …. and then back to regular life we go.

All I know for sure is that I don’t stop telling Him what I need and He doesn’t stop listening ….

I might not be tied up and swinging from the chandelier but I am still very much following His lead. This is real life not a story book, to think that the intensity and micro managed feeling could be maintained in our current stage of life, day in and day out, would only lead to disappointment.

Maybe I’m just too realistic for this blog, but the protocols, ideals, rules and rituals along with micromanaging and such for people with busy full lives in other avenues always seem to end up causing problems and feelings of failure. I don’t need my husband to sign off on every single mundane act in my day-to-day life to know He loves me and will take care of me when I need Him to. I just need Him there when it counts ….

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Sometimes not much needs to be good enough

Some days are pretty interesting around here, not for lack of trying or a foul mood but some days are just nasty! Normally that comes after a few weeks worth of build up and unfortunately it tends to last just as long to be rid of, …. if I’m lucky!

My body has been fighting me for more years than it has not, I had many an issue when I was young and I got used to just living with it. I’ve been told many things over the years that I ‘can’t’ do …. yeah, well anyway! It never really stopped me much then and I don’t let it stop me much now, but I am getting tired I admit.

I did have a good amount of time in the middle that the pain and issues were on and off. Maybe a few months of pain but then there was time without. Eventually it got to the point that if I was careful and smart about what I did then I could stay pain-free, until now. Well about 2 years ago now anyway …. its been a while since I haven’t been in pain.

I’m not one for complaining and I’m not one for stopping and I’m not one for looking for meds, I started down that road when I was a teen, if I had maintained it there would be nothing to save me now, the strength of the stuff I was on was pretty high already, didn’t leave much to move onto so I quit! It was all prescription, not self medicating but I knew even then it wasn’t a good idea.

Anyway, I’m left now at a point that some days I can barely function, I make it through anyway because I have a job and responsibilities and commitments but by the end of the day I’m so exhausted from simply trying to stand straight that I can no longer do the things I would like.

You know that pain and pleasure mix you get from BDSM? I get that when Sir rubs his fingers up and down my back. As much as it ‘hurts’ it also makes me feel good, it’s relaxing and causes the tension to leave, it makes me able to sleep. But that’s a separate branch ….

So if I can hardly hold myself up and I can’t do all I would like, does that make me a bad sub/slave? Does that mean He is too relaxed? Should I feel guilty? Perhaps it’s time to trade me in for a newer model?

To me this is the difference between lifestyles and life, shit happens and BDSM compatibility and labels can get you so far but if you are with someone who refuses to grow and change with time and circumstance than you better know what you are getting into to.

You are not a great ‘Master’ because you never compromise, a great Master knows when it is wise to. Refusing to see past your own nose is a very vanilla quality if you ask me, regardless of how you label yourself.

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Having a hard time lately Sir – glad I found my fairy tale!

Happy Monday All!

Love You Always Sir ❤

On the same page

Not sure exactly what this post is going to be today, a bit of rambling I think. I guess we’ll see where I end up Sir!! ❤

I’ve always been the primary care giver for the kids, they are 17 and 15 (next week) and I’ve been home now for 15-ish years. I work from home, it was a decision we made when the kids came around and for a variety of reasons but mostly because of them.

Originally the idea was that I would work from home until they were both in school and then likely get back to working outside the home. After it was made clear that they still needed the added support of me being home we thought maybe once they were old enough to be home alone for an hour or two would be a good time for me to return to work, …. and then perhaps when they were both in high school … etc.

Well they are both in high school and things have been great at times and rocky at times, many issues have been dealt with, many things I never would have thought of in the beginning, things you never think will happen to you!

In the early years I made all the decisions when it came to the kids, it made sense since I was the one here, I saw them most and I knew more in this regard so why wouldn’t I, right? Well eventually it got to be a lot for one person to shoulder on their own, like I said many things happened and many things needed to be handled.

This was probably around the same time that it felt like Sir was checking out and I was basically a single parent, I have never told Him that but that is what I felt at the time. I went as far as to make lists in my head, what bills we had, could I afford the house and things on my income alone, would it be worth it or should I consider moving etc. etc. I’m a planner, I plan for the worst and hope for the best ….

Somewhere in here my sex drive went into high gear, this BDSM D/s M/s idea become known to us and we started playing around …. I found this site that gave all sorts of information but none of it was sexual! It wasn’t at all what I went looking for I admit but it painted a completely different picture of what this thing could be …. so I showed it to Sir. It was a lot to fathom all at once to be sure, it was deep, it was complicated and it wasn’t all about kneeling or collars or BS! It wasn’t one being more than the other, it was both working for each other ….

It was written by a dominant and He made it clear that to be a good DOM your main concern and priority is your submissive and that you might have all the power but it was to be used for the benefit of the submissive first and foremost. Only once those needs had been met were you to then take what you needed and wanted from the submissive and they would be more than happy to hand it over freely and eagerly!

It gave Sir the information He needed to give Himself permission to take this on. The difference between dominant and domineering was made clear and I think He really liked the idea that He does this primarily to take care of me!

We needed to work out what that looks like exactly in our case because no one knows your life better than yourself but it gave us one heck of a head start over all the other stuff I found out there! People preaching all sorts of things and others following blindly and in some cases becoming even more miserable than before they started!

We didn’t want anything scripted, we didn’t want anything that felt fake. All those rituals give you a high for a while but they will lose their charm eventually, become old hat and then you’re left chasing a feeling and can’t figure out why you can’t seem to find it. We wanted real ….

So the other week when I was at home dealing with one of the boys I got a message back from Sir telling me exactly what He felt we needed to do about it …. point-blank, spelled out and specific. I got butterflies in my tummy and a warm feeling all over …. I was His and He was in control, together and on the same page!

No plugs, no clamps, no rituals of kneeling or spankings ….. just my Man letting me know I’m not alone, He’s here and He will take care of me and us …. the weight is not just on my shoulders any more.

Some where in ‘vanilla land’ He got the idea He couldn’t do that, somewhere in ‘vanilla land’ I got the idea I couldn’t ask for help, or He should somehow read my mind if He really did care. Yeah, it’s not like that ….

The fact is that if there is something I’m not getting its simply because I’m not telling, it’s not topping it’s realistic. For all of His great qualities the one thing my Sir is not is a mind reader …..

The real difference between us and vanilla? Open, honest communication and attentive listening! On *both* sides.

Happy Friday!

Can’t wait till you’re home Sir ❤

Happy Thursday Sir <3

I think a lot of what goes on inside our heads and how we feel is directly under our own control. One of the things that affects my mood most is music, it’s always been a large part of my life.

The weather right now is just awful, the amount of rain and pressure is making my body ache and my head pound, this comes on top of some *interesting* times that have been had here recently with family issues ….. I suppose I could feel sorry for myself but I prefer to listen to this:

Still sunshine on the inside Sir, just like you like! 😀

Love You Always! ❤