I asked if there were any ideas or suggestions/questions for future posts and I did receive a couple. I will get to them I promise and try my best to explain in a fashion that you can understand. (I’m not always certain I get things across the way I wish too.)
For now I guess I have decided to explain something that I have been trying to come to terms with and rolling around in my mind for a while, which is always the way my mind works, around and around until it is solved … the mundane, everyday facts.
Lately as far as the typical D/s-ish sites are concerned I have been pretty much ‘policing’ myself. I really don’t get told/ordered to do much, if anything. There are a couple of things that are dictated in our mutual agreement but the fact is that if I didn’t make a point of doing them myself I would likely never be asked or found out. There are also a few different rules we worked out some time ago that I’m willing to bet Sir doesn’t even remember. I don’t forget, I have a very good memory for things, too good really because there are things I wish I could forget. (That’s a different blog! ;P LOL)
Sometimes I wish that He would be a bit more active in His dominance but the truth is that He doesn’t feel the need I suppose. He knows He doesn’t need to ask me about every detail because He knows I can’t ‘not’ follow through. If something comes up that hinders the completion of a task I let Him know, always …. having to be in charge of such things is just not necessary so He doesn’t follow-up because He knows He doesn’t have to.
This does sometimes play on my mind and I think it happens to play on the minds of others as well, although I don’t know if their DOMs are in the same situation as mine when it comes to certainty of task completion. Anyway …. it happens and I could choose not to follow through and see what happens. I know what would happen, I always think in probabilities and 5 steps ahead, I would likely get away with non compliance for a very long time until I would likely need to be the one to make it known, fess up! I’m pretty confident that He wouldn’t ask because He really has no reason to believe He needs to, so this makes active shows of dominance difficult to spot, when none are ‘required’ in order to ensure compliance … don’t you think?!?
I suppose He could just do it anyway, as a show of dominance, a gesture meant to keep dynamic. That’s true, but honestly there have been so many other more important things going on around here the putting on a show of any sort is the last thing we have time or energy for. The facts are that when needed His strength and guidance are abundant and when it’s just for show most things have really been pushed aside.
Part of my personality is that I’m INTJ (The Architect) I plan, and focus on all the bits and pieces of things and issues, I make plans as to how best to deal with them and I implement them. It’s my thing, it’s what I do best but it does tend to blur the lines between dominant and submissive in a day-to-day atmosphere. Sir is not this personality type, He’s exactly the opposite of me actually, ESFP (The Entertainer) a perfect complement, but only if you appreciate the differences in each other and learn to communicate and learn from each others strengths.
Examples I think might be the easiest way for me to show what I have been thinking of trying to explain:
I need some self-reflection and quiet time, I was hoping/would like that Sir would take this opportunity to order ‘kneeling’ practice with perhaps some ‘tools’ to help focus my mind more quickly and block the outside noise from creeping in. The fact is that He has all but forgotten about it – yeah it’s true He’s not perfect and since I don’t act up He doesn’t remember I requested this. Yes I did already talk to Him about it, given plenty of ideas and explained why it is important to me. So far nothing ….
I suppose I could ‘brat’ and get His attention, make Him remember and then have to deal with me and we could both feel bad, OR I could change it from Kneeling to Meditating in my own mind and find the time and space on my own. I would still like to use some pain play to help keep the ‘noise’ out but just to be in keeping with ‘submissive’ I will ask if I can use them for my mediation instead of just doing it. Technically I can touch the ‘toys’ as long as I’m not playing and although this doesn’t really qualify as playing (at least I don’t think it does) I will submit to His will and ask first.
Yeah I know He’s not reading my mind and taking care of my needs without a reminder …. so?? I’m not really the type of person who needs that, I could turn this into a problem or I can find a solution where I can still be respectful and submissive and He can still have final say and be in charge.
When real life is beating the sh*t out of me and I can’t go on is when He picks me up and carries the weight, that’s when He really takes charge and cares for me … so I can do my own meditating! And if He wants me to kneel for Him at some time when He remembers, well then I will do that too!
So tell me all, was this interesting? Helpful?
Happy Mother’s Day Ladies! Hope you are enjoying your days. 😀