Some days are pretty interesting around here, not for lack of trying or a foul mood but some days are just nasty! Normally that comes after a few weeks worth of build up and unfortunately it tends to last just as long to be rid of, …. if I’m lucky!
My body has been fighting me for more years than it has not, I had many an issue when I was young and I got used to just living with it. I’ve been told many things over the years that I ‘can’t’ do …. yeah, well anyway! It never really stopped me much then and I don’t let it stop me much now, but I am getting tired I admit.
I did have a good amount of time in the middle that the pain and issues were on and off. Maybe a few months of pain but then there was time without. Eventually it got to the point that if I was careful and smart about what I did then I could stay pain-free, until now. Well about 2 years ago now anyway …. its been a while since I haven’t been in pain.
I’m not one for complaining and I’m not one for stopping and I’m not one for looking for meds, I started down that road when I was a teen, if I had maintained it there would be nothing to save me now, the strength of the stuff I was on was pretty high already, didn’t leave much to move onto so I quit! It was all prescription, not self medicating but I knew even then it wasn’t a good idea.
Anyway, I’m left now at a point that some days I can barely function, I make it through anyway because I have a job and responsibilities and commitments but by the end of the day I’m so exhausted from simply trying to stand straight that I can no longer do the things I would like.
You know that pain and pleasure mix you get from BDSM? I get that when Sir rubs his fingers up and down my back. As much as it ‘hurts’ it also makes me feel good, it’s relaxing and causes the tension to leave, it makes me able to sleep. But that’s a separate branch ….
So if I can hardly hold myself up and I can’t do all I would like, does that make me a bad sub/slave? Does that mean He is too relaxed? Should I feel guilty? Perhaps it’s time to trade me in for a newer model?
To me this is the difference between lifestyles and life, shit happens and BDSM compatibility and labels can get you so far but if you are with someone who refuses to grow and change with time and circumstance than you better know what you are getting into to.
You are not a great ‘Master’ because you never compromise, a great Master knows when it is wise to. Refusing to see past your own nose is a very vanilla quality if you ask me, regardless of how you label yourself.
Having a hard time lately Sir – glad I found my fairy tale!
Happy Monday All!
Love You Always Sir ❤