When I/We first started down this road of ‘whatever it is’ and spankings for bad behaviour and such, *I* wasn’t the one having issues controlling my temper and mouth ….
I have never been one to speak rudely to anyone, I have practiced patience and understanding since I was very young and I have never been one to feel entitled to anything … perhaps that’s why ?!?! Don’t know, maybe …
When things started getting tense for us it was certainly because I had all the control and Sir had none but I wasn’t the one unhappy and acting out, He was. It was a huge leap of faith on my part for sure to bring this ‘thing’ to him and decide to give it a try. I didn’t particularly like the way He was behaving at the time but I did know that He had it in Him to do better and be better and frankly I was getting tired of doing and being it all on my own.
It wasn’t all terrible fights and yelling, don’t get me wrong we really have never been like that – but He was stepping away, getting distant and basically checking out because He felt unnecessary and redundant I suppose.
If ever He does need to punish me He follows through and it makes me feel both cared for and wanted, but it doesn’t happen often. It’s been about a year and a half now since I have actually been in trouble for behaviour and I have no intention of breaking that streak! 😉 We’ve been at this a while now and I can count the times on one hand …. almost all in the beginning and frankly all due to a bit more alcohol than perhaps was wise!
What has changed with this new-found power is His new found (or not so new now) desire to check His own behaviour, not just mine. You can’t discipline someone if you don’t keep track of their behaviour and that causes you to keep track of your own. You also can’t discipline someone for things and then turn around and do them yourself … at least my Sir certainly can’t do it with a clear conscience.
Spankings/discipline doesn’t just make me better, it makes us both better, it’s a two-way street. It makes us both accountable.
Funny thing how and why we started isn’t it? Seems to be backwards from most of what I hear, but then again that seems to be the norm here! LOL
We have since decided we like the closeness and stress relief of the ‘impact play’ but it’s done outside of punishment, none of the guilt and all of the benefit.
Love You Always Sir! ❤
nijntje & The Bear 
Thank you for sharing this! I think that my husband could really identify with what you wrote about how this lifestyle is good for both of us with regard to behavior. What you wrote about your Sir becoming distant…that was happening in our relationship as well. We weren’t fighting per se, but neither of us was caring about the relationship the way that we should have been. Now, we are both being our best selves again, and it is amazing! The closeness it has brought us…the intimacy… 🙂
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Thanks Nora! I think the closeness and intimacy is what everyone is hoping to recapture, the trick is maintaining it after this too becomes ‘old hat’! 😉
Always keep caring and trying just as much as in the beginning … or this too will be lost. That’s what I have found anyway. (Some unsolicited advice for you!) 😉 lol
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Thank you very much for this advice! We were just talking about how we always want to have this feeling…but how we knew that inevitably, it would probably fade. Enjoying it while we have it!
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I’ve experienced the same thing. Mike has even told me that he feels more self disciplined since we started this lifestyle. Although he always tended to be more logical and level headed about things, he said he is even less impulsive and more diligent about certain things, all because he feels his leadership position in the household also includes leading by example.
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My husband/Sir is the same way, He has mentioned on many occasions that being my DOM has made Him a better person and He was never ‘lacking’ in character or self discipline to begin with. 😀
Trying to be a better person never goes out of style I don’t think, and if we both get that out of this relationship then I think we are doing pretty well! 😀 And that goes for all of us doing this ….
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We use discipline more so the way you and your Sir use it now – for initimacy and stress relief. My Domme believes in “natural consequences,” so if I don’t obey or behave poorly, I lose out on the joy of domination and submission and our intimacy together. And the more I disregard the relationship, the less likely she is to engage in some of the more fun elements of D/s, like physical play. I didn’t like the idea at first, but it really is effective. And my fondness for discipline tends to counteract any real effectiveness that would come from something like a spanking/corner time/etc. 😬
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Yes if impact play is more of a turn on than a deterrence than it really isn’t effective in changing behaviour!
IMO corrections/discipline don’t need to be based on impact at all and natural consequences are much more effective.
Sir still prefers spanking as a form of discipline but although I do enjoy it as play the feeling of punishment is very different and never something I ‘get off on’, not even a little. The feeling of disappointment is crushing to me, TBH I need the spanking in order to put it behind me and move forward or I simply can’t forgive myself.
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I can see that and I’ve heard of other subs who feel the same way. There’s a sort of finality to a punishment that puts it behind you. I can see it being something we may use more of down the road after we have worked through some things in our lives and continue to evolve as a couple. At this point, she errs on the side of nurturing with in the moment critiques and I’m just working to be consistent and emotionally invested. Guess you could say we’re closer to entry level at this point as we have had a lot of “distractions” and challenges to work through in our almost six years of marriage. 🙂
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Everyone gets to things in their own time. We were married 15 years before we got ‘here’, don’t be too hard on yourself, we all get to where we should be in our own time! 🙂
‘Finality’ of some sort may or may not be what you two decide, and that is good too! It’s all up to you guys, no one else. For Sir, He might be able to take it or leave it at times (He knows how I feel) but for me it’s a requirement for a peaceful mind.
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