No I don’t mean little, or baby girl or anything like that, I mean I act on and think with my emotions when I am with Him. I act like ‘a girl”, female, based on emotion!
I’ve always taken my heart into account before acting but I have never been ruled by my heart. I have always thought things through first and depended on an impartial view to lead the direction of my actions. I have always relied on my mind first …..
Once I had children I did start to act more on my emotions and lead with them in some aspects when it came to the kids but not in any other aspect of life! It took a lot of self-healing to simply be able to accomplish that much. This warrior’s armor was quite impenetrable.
I’m not saying I had no emotions I simply didn’t allow them to rule my actions and I very rarely even tapped into them, for a lack of a better way of saying it. For simplicity sake I will explain it by saying that with Sir I believe now that I started in a submissive, D/s mindset of being open and fun and free and then slowly shut that down as life and time went on. When I met Him I hid nothing and held nothing back but as time went on I started to feel that it was not appropriate, not what He wanted and so I started to change that and became more independent and strong and eventually closing that part of myself off from Him too.
This wasn’t exactly out of character for me and as life became busier with kids and work and responsibilities the obviousness of it all got lost, until one day …. one day we woke up like most people do and realized that the kids could now be left on their own for a while and the fun easy feeling and excitement we once had seemed somehow dampened by something, just couldn’t put our finger on just what it was exactly.
Getting more sleep, finally and having more time, finally started to make things more obvious again. As I have posted before this is where the idea of bumping up the sex life came from, and the ideals of D/s fell into our laps!
The more I read the more I realized that this thing everyone seems to be ultimately looking for was we had all along, it was just slumbering in the back ground waiting for something to come and wake it back up again. We really only played with BDSM and power exchange a handful of times before it all became clear.
A friend had mentioned a certain movie to me a while back, a movie I really don’t care for but I recently discovered what it was he saw in that movie that appealed to him. I hadn’t been talking to him very long at that time so he really didn’t know too much about my marriage but what he saw in the scene is what we have.
I have many scars and wounds of the past and Sir knows each and every one of them. The length, the feel, the look and colour …. where they are and how long they have been there, everything. Honestly since He gets to see them from the outside He probably knows some of them better than I, He can see the ones on my back too, the ones I didn’t see coming and how they now affect my movements and over all look. (Most of these scars are figurative in case that was not clear.)
This power exchange has brought us back to where we started only a bit wiser and a bit smarter about what we are doing and how. I’ve brought my emotions back to the forefront with Him, and now I’m a girl! I put my feelings out there for Him to see and deal with and I don’t think it all through first, no hiding or pretending.
And He makes me wear dresses too!!! 😛 *giggle*
Love You Always Sir! ❤