One of the things I found in the beginning especially was that aftercare was not just necessary after a scene or intense play session. Sometimes, most times? after care has much more to do with one’s mental and emotional state than it does the physical.
What I found interesting was that the things that played on my mind most were not necessarily the things you would have assumed when based on all the other kinky play we had already experienced, but the mind is an interesting thing isn’t it?
A large part of this equation of course is the fact that we have never (I have never) played the scene, had another DOM or dabbled in anything quite as kinky as the things we were experimenting with, again ‘bad’ as far as my brain was concerned even if some of it was mild in comparison to our other play.
Outside of my relationship with Sir and before D/s I was always VERY proper, a Lady in all respects, as much as I have always enjoyed sex I was never one to ask or flaunt my body in order to get His attention. I tried various times when we were younger but the result was not what I would have liked I suppose. Back then Sir was not quite as attentive and aware of things as He is now. Like I mentioned previously, I got into this ‘lifestyle’ originally as a way to enhance our sex life ….
Once I had children the ‘good girls don’t do that’ kicked into high gear! How could I possibly behave *that* way and look my children in the face every day? With no guidance or support in that sense from my husband I remained stuck in that mind-set. I’m not assigning blame here, don’t get me wrong I’m just trying to explain it in the most plain worded way I can without writing a book of all the subtleties and nuances. Had He known, had either of us known it would have been very different but at the time we didn’t.
So some of that was what had to be worked through in sex and play. It wasn’t a full on scene, it wasn’t even the most physically challenging things that caused the emotional overload. Some of the things were really quite mild like I said and caught me completely by surprise! Fortunately Sir was always ready and never questioned why I needed extra attention or support, He just did it. Again, feelings don’t need to make sense to be valid, they just ARE!
The point here is that both as a submissive and as a dominant you should be prepared to deal with things as they come up. Something that you think is mild might affect your partner on a deeper level than either of you expected. Feelings do not have to be rational to exist, they just do. No matter what your rational side is telling you, if your feelings are guiding you to an uncomfortable anxious space you need to make that clear to your dominant, and as a dominant you need to be prepared to comfort and sooth your submissive even if the ‘drop’ doesn’t make much sense to you. This part isn’t about you, at all.
It might mean sitting and cuddling for a while, it might mean being in constant contact through the day, it might mean just letting them know how wonderful they did and how proud you are, and likely all of the above!
Love You Always my Wonderful Sir ❤