Dear Dominants …(Warning, Warrior Rant)

I’ve always liked this one, I wrote it before anyone really knew I was here. Enjoy!

nijntje & The Bear

Submission is earned through trust and respect, through patience and through care. If you are more interested in the what wasn’t done instead of the why you are likely going to be in for a very long and painful ride.

No strong opinionated woman will ever kneel for you simply because ‘it is written’. If you are trying to force your dominance onto someone it is very likely that you DO NOT have their submission.

If you are more interested in your own ego, in your own opinion and in your saving face than in the why the disrespect happened in the first place then you are likely too self absorbed to see the truth.

Yes there is a way things are to be done, and an appropriate course of action for a dominant/submissive relationship to run but if you are constantly fighting the same fight then you haven’t yet figured…

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How to impress a Bear!

Last evening I finally had a conversation with my ex sis in law (well never married so technically not but you get the picture). I had spoken to Sir about my thoughts just a few weeks prior and He supported my choice and way of going about it, it was simply a waiting game after that.

I won’t go into details because they are too many and not important anyway but I will say that she has been taking advantage of me both in time and money for over two years now. My nephew is involved so putting him out in the cold is simply not an option but making my views clear was. And last evening she gave me the perfect opportunity to take care of business.

Related image The Bear was already home at the time but I didn’t realize He was listening. I very politely but firmly informed said ex sis in law about my issue and my thoughts on her treatment of me and the situation. She started making excuses as usual and I fought the urge to get a pitchfork and some boots …. and held my ground!

Seconds after she left I was attacked by a Bear! With a big @ss smile on His face as He picked me up and spun me around the kitchen …..

“I am sooo proud of you nijntje, what a good girl you are!”

That’s how you make a Bear proud of a bunny I guess, at least that’s one way! 😀

Unfortunately the Bear has a cold and His snoring kept me up last night …. making sleep impossible and giving my brain way tooo much time to relive old days! I guess the Bear has a bunny to care for …. *wink wink* hint hint …. tee hee

Love You Sir! Can’t wait til you’re home! ❤

 

Sleepless

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I’ve been laying beside you for hours, my body is exhausted and my mind now racing. The longer it takes for sleep to overcome me the less likely it is to happen.

The more time I have the more questions I can come up with, the more questions the more ideas and the more memories and past experiences are evoked.

The pressure is building and my brain spinning.The Beast inside me is clawing …. I need you to release it before it consumes me.

It has been much too long Sir, …. please …… respectfully yours ❤

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Sorry if this makes no sense, I need sleep.

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Is this right ….?!?!

Is it commonly accepted that you will get punished for asking for help from your dominant when you find yourself in a bad situation, simply because it will alter His/Her plans to have to help you … ???

For example, you are to be out because it is their ‘alone time’ but have found yourself in a less than favorable position …. so you need to get back home. Is that a “punishable offense”?

I know my opinion, what’s yours?

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The beginning, the very beginning …. of my ‘dynamic’

Okay so the truth about why a dominant at heart turned ‘submissive’ at home before any of the reality of what it really was sunk in. At first all the terms and rules and posturing was strictly sexually based. Yup, that’s it … nothing more and nothing less.

I already had a partner that was committed, and supportive and had my back, I already had all my other needs of life taken care of, but one, sex! We have always gotten along well, we have always communicated, we have always worked as a team, appreciated each others differences and held each others best interests at heart. All of that was already there and no label required. Sir has always been the only one I can count on to take care of me, no matter what else is going on in life. He is the only one that doesn’t let me down.

When the kids were little and time was short and birth control was in the picture my sex drive was also much lower. It was 8 years after having my first child that I finally got to sleep through the night. Eight years of sleeplessness and working full-time and taking care of eventually two toddlers ….. Energy was at an all time low, birth control squashed any amount of sex drive I had and sleep was a luxury. Sex was just not on the radar.

I had daydreams of just being ‘taken’, rough and fast with no more foreplay than ‘come here’. Hot, rough and primal was all I had time or energy for anyway. Unfortunately that was not part of our relationship at the time and I just got less and less sure of myself as time went on, so I said nothing …

Eventually the kids started sleeping (Yays!!) and we made arrangements so that I no longer needed birth control, my sleep got better and my sex drive did too, and then came perimenopause … for me it too ramped up my sex drive, or I suppose it might have just been going off birth control, who knows, probably both!

Anyway, the stories about sex and D/s were an easy way to get the picture across to Sir about what I was wanting and missing in life. As much as I like dominating out there in the real world doing it in bed does not turn me on. Finding lots and lots of stories and accounts is not difficult so the terms and dynamic became something we started talking about and pursuing.

I am sure, confident, capable and strong; if kneeling was what it took to get ‘off’ then that was what I was going to do. It really was an easy step, we already had the trust, respect, communication, love and honesty ….. so why not? I took a leap of faith.

So there you have it, that’s how it started. Sir was awfully uncomfortable the first few times because seeing me in a submissive state was just very unusual and far-fetched, even if it was just sexual it was certainly pushing His limits to say the least. He has since learned that He has a very sadistic side that compliments my masochistic need quite nicely but that might be a story for another day! 😉

We started slow and simple and took time to enjoy each and every mile stone…. and we are still changing and moving forward. Rome wasn’t built in a day ….

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It is ironic though that our first sexual encounter was on a pool table, ….. in a pool hall …. LOL

Some how we went backwards before we moved forward!

Love You Sir ❤  or was it on the bar?!?!?!

Dominant slave?

slave or submissive? Is the word really the important thing ….

Perhaps one of the first things I will explain is my view of and dislike for labels. At least for myself ….

I think labels can be a great tool when it comes to getting people looking in the right or same direction but my experience has been that most times people get so hung up on the few words contained within the label that they feel stifled in life when they are trying to grow and move forward.

The second something you are feeling or doing doesn’t fit into what you saw or were told about the label you have chosen you start to second guess yourself. If you happen to be strong enough to get past that you often run into things about a ‘true ____’ and you compare how you don’t fit that bill, again questions and concerns are raised and you question yourself once more. If you are one of the few who doesn’t question yourself most likely others will question you …. Labels are narrow, linear …. I am not.

I know some people out there enjoy labels, it gives them a sense of belonging and it gives them purpose. It gives them a concrete path to follow with no variations to have to worry about negotiating in life. If that is what works for you than go for it! To each their own. I can respect your need and want for labels, I just ask that you respect my need to have none.

The unknown does not scare me, it excites me. I live for the thrill of the unknown, I want to explore, I want to learn and try out new things, think and understand different ideas and then maybe decide which I like and which I don’t. I want to be so much more than just one thing ….. and I don’t want to have to explain it out every time it doesn’t fit someone’s expectation due to a label.

For example, anyone who knows me would laugh in your face if you told them I was ‘submissive’. A few might say, yeah maybe for kinky play, but not in real life …. and to a certain extent they would be right. Outside of my specific relationship with my husband I don’t see myself as the submissive at all. It took/takes an overwhelming amount of earned trust for me to open up that deeply, no one else has ever come close and no one else would ever be allowed to again. Yes allowed, it’s a choice, simply having emotions is a choice and which ones you nurture and which ones you don’t is a choice. To me being His submissive is a choice ….. but as I have said before I am naturally dominant.

Starting to see why I don’t really like using labels? I don’t really fit any of them do I? I am quite happy living by other people’s ideas of apparent contradictions.

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And more than likely you Dominants are out there thinking ‘yeah, of course, you need to make your own way and rule your own home. Other’s opinions are just that, opinions’ and I agree with you completely, but I’m supposed to be the submissive. It’s those stories that will go down the road of ‘oh I’m not good enough, I don’t fit the bill, and I’m going to disappoint Him because I just don’t act right …’ etc. etc.

Here’s another one for you, submissive or slave? I suppose I should probably use the term slave because the truth is I have no want or need to decide on a daily basis to submit or not submit …. I made my choice once, the rest is up to Him. As much as I can make choices I don’t really care to have any, I will gladly let Sir take the lead on everything, everywhere …. but He doesn’t like the term Master, so I use Sir. Deep down I don’t like the term slave because as much as it is understood in these circles, to me it diminishes the trials of true slaves throughout history. I also live 15 minutes from part of the ‘underground railway’, so that might give me a different perspective.

In what we are doing we have a choice, we decided to embark on this path and let’s face it when it comes right down to it we still have a choice to stop, anything else is abuse.

See, to me these words can be a good start but will often cause more confusion than anything else. It has been my experience that many times the words used become the focus instead of the bigger broader picture in order to have a true understanding of what’s really going on here. And since I don’t even begin to fit into any of them, well I prefer to just not use them.

Love You Sir ❤

I had given up …. on trying to explain this.

When I started this blog I had chosen a name that reflected my personality both in and out of submission. I had tried to explain just how I came to be here and what makes me a bit different from the sites I have been able to find. And I felt like I was getting no where, so I gave it up.

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As things often do happen in life, I have made the acquaintance of a fellow blogger who asked that very question, how did I end up here, basically what is it about being His submissive that makes me tick? Well now that is very complicated …. but perhaps I will try my best again to describe ‘my’ feelings on the subject.

If you have been here at all you will know how I despise labels, so I hope you can understand the discomfort I have in putting these here but it is only to show anyone truly interested in learning what makes me tick. I am what people consider Self Actualized, all of those points fit me to a ‘T’, I am gifted, don’t forget the social issues at the bottom, and most recently I have found I am considered a Warrior Princess, and the personality group INTJ.

Each and every one of those things is in a very small number of the population and they all exist in me, so you can imagine why I eventually just gave up trying to explain. The first point basically made the idea of explaining irrelevant so if I hadn’t been asked I likely wouldn’t be doing it now.

I have always said that I submit to one and one only. I think that is a difficult concept for people to get here in submissive blog land. I don’t mean one at a time I mean One! I would never do this with anyone else and I have never been the submissive before. I simply don’t require it.

There is a saying in these parts, even in vanilla land that states ‘a happily married woman will not remarry’ and I have said this since the beginning. I have never had any intention of finding another partner (whatever that might entail). A happily married man they say will be searching for a wife almost certainly, so I suppose if something were to happen to me Sir would now be looking for a submissive….?!?! (thinking out loud there)

I needed to find a partner equality as strong and capable and once I did we set to building a life together, This D/s type relationship came about because it was needed to put our house in order, it makes ALL those in it happy and fulfilled and so it is here to stay.  It didn’t however happen until more than 15 years together …. it probably should have sooner? maybe we weren’t ready for this sooner? … but that’s in the past now. The basics were always there with Sir anyway, even if He didn’t know it at the time. I have always waited for His approval ….. it was the deepest darkest parts of me that He didn’t yet have. But if you have read all the links above you will see that I’m not really like anybody else. That much understanding takes time.

Our relationship is much more primal and instinct driven, not really what you find in books or in the ‘community’. A friend suggested once that I was a leader and He (Sir) the Ruler …. I think that was a pretty good analogy. A leader doesn’t follow just anyone and that is very much how I feel about it. But for now I need to get to work, so if anyone manages to read all of this …. I will get back to the explaining details about what I get out of this next. I’m pretty sure what the Dominant gets from a relationship is easy enough to find out there in blog land and they all hold true for Sir as well. I’m afraid I’m the only truly ODD DUCK here! LOL

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No worries, I’m used to it! tee hee

Love You Always Sir ❤