slave or submissive? Is the word really the important thing ….
Perhaps one of the first things I will explain is my view of and dislike for labels. At least for myself ….
I think labels can be a great tool when it comes to getting people looking in the right or same direction but my experience has been that most times people get so hung up on the few words contained within the label that they feel stifled in life when they are trying to grow and move forward.
The second something you are feeling or doing doesn’t fit into what you saw or were told about the label you have chosen you start to second guess yourself. If you happen to be strong enough to get past that you often run into things about a ‘true ____’ and you compare how you don’t fit that bill, again questions and concerns are raised and you question yourself once more. If you are one of the few who doesn’t question yourself most likely others will question you …. Labels are narrow, linear …. I am not.
I know some people out there enjoy labels, it gives them a sense of belonging and it gives them purpose. It gives them a concrete path to follow with no variations to have to worry about negotiating in life. If that is what works for you than go for it! To each their own. I can respect your need and want for labels, I just ask that you respect my need to have none.
The unknown does not scare me, it excites me. I live for the thrill of the unknown, I want to explore, I want to learn and try out new things, think and understand different ideas and then maybe decide which I like and which I don’t. I want to be so much more than just one thing ….. and I don’t want to have to explain it out every time it doesn’t fit someone’s expectation due to a label.
For example, anyone who knows me would laugh in your face if you told them I was ‘submissive’. A few might say, yeah maybe for kinky play, but not in real life …. and to a certain extent they would be right. Outside of my specific relationship with my husband I don’t see myself as the submissive at all. It took/takes an overwhelming amount of earned trust for me to open up that deeply, no one else has ever come close and no one else would ever be allowed to again. Yes allowed, it’s a choice, simply having emotions is a choice and which ones you nurture and which ones you don’t is a choice. To me being His submissive is a choice ….. but as I have said before I am naturally dominant.
Starting to see why I don’t really like using labels? I don’t really fit any of them do I? I am quite happy living by other people’s ideas of apparent contradictions.
And more than likely you Dominants are out there thinking ‘yeah, of course, you need to make your own way and rule your own home. Other’s opinions are just that, opinions’ and I agree with you completely, but I’m supposed to be the submissive. It’s those stories that will go down the road of ‘oh I’m not good enough, I don’t fit the bill, and I’m going to disappoint Him because I just don’t act right …’ etc. etc.
Here’s another one for you, submissive or slave? I suppose I should probably use the term slave because the truth is I have no want or need to decide on a daily basis to submit or not submit …. I made my choice once, the rest is up to Him. As much as I can make choices I don’t really care to have any, I will gladly let Sir take the lead on everything, everywhere …. but He doesn’t like the term Master, so I use Sir. Deep down I don’t like the term slave because as much as it is understood in these circles, to me it diminishes the trials of true slaves throughout history. I also live 15 minutes from part of the ‘underground railway’, so that might give me a different perspective.
In what we are doing we have a choice, we decided to embark on this path and let’s face it when it comes right down to it we still have a choice to stop, anything else is abuse.
See, to me these words can be a good start but will often cause more confusion than anything else. It has been my experience that many times the words used become the focus instead of the bigger broader picture in order to have a true understanding of what’s really going on here. And since I don’t even begin to fit into any of them, well I prefer to just not use them.
Love You Sir ❤