Married First

For some reason this thought was on my mind this morning when I crawled out of bed …. I am married first, D/s or M/s or what have you second. Married definition is much simpler anyway.

As much as I would miss the idea of domination and submission the truth is that the connection for us started long before all this stuff was even known to us. Label or not my husband has always been there for me when I needed something, He has always been my safe place to fall and the only one who has ever seen the real me.

I have never been afraid with Him, I have never had a doubt when it comes to our relationship and I didn’t need a collar to make that happen. My wedding ring told me all of this and more almost 20 years ago ….

He is who He is with or without a label and I am who I am, He would no sooner turn His back on me when I was in need than He would let Himself drown and I would no sooner disrespect or not follow Him then drown myself.

Rituals are interesting and kink is fun but the truth is I have never needed rules or contracts to tell me to be my best for Him, that’s why I married Him. I am smart enough to figure out what pleases Him simply by watching and paying attention. I don’t need to speak in the third person to know I belong to Him, I don’t need to kneel to show respect (although I do enjoy it) and I don’t need a label to tell me He is committed to me.

Now that He knows I look to Him for guidance He can’t forget it and now that I know His main objective has always been to watch over me I can’t forget it either. It has been that way since the day we became a couple, nothing has changed we just finally said it out loud.

I married a good man first and foremost and everything I looked for then now has a variety of labels and titles to sort through. To me the title ‘husband’ means I am anything He wants and just how He wants because that’s why I chose Him in the first place, and it also means He is everything I need and I am His first priority.

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I had all of that with my wedding ring, all we did was add more kink. If anything reading and learning about dynamics caused more confusion than help. The idea that you should be communicating and honest with each other in order to have the best relationship possible is not a D/s only idea! Attentive listening is not a D/s idea, and respect for one another is not a D/s idea either, it’s a human idea, or at least it should be.

We never fought, we never called names, we never disrespected each other and not because we didn’t talk or didn’t spend much time together as I see out there with other couples. We have always been together for every possible moment, we walk together, talk together, work together on projects, yard work together, house renos even, everything we do when possible is together, we even shower together since the very beginning!

I have also always put Him first, when I make lunch He gets the nicest looking plate, if there is one french fry left I offer it to Him, last square of chocolate, yup still His! I have always dressed to impress Him, I have always put in effort to be pleasing for Him …

Many moons ago when we were first married Sir used to take me out dancing all the time. He doesn’t dance but He knew it made me happy so we went. I have never been shy on the dance floor and I have never had need for attention either but I recall the first time someone approached Sir, about me.

He was up at the bar with friends and I in the middle of the dance floor as usual, sometimes with friends and sometimes by myself, when the music starts I don’t care what it takes, I’m dancing! lol Anyway, man after man would come ask to dance and all of them I’d turn away, one actually went up to Sir at the bar and stated “She’s yours isn’t she?” When Sir said yes, the man said “You’re a lucky man ..” and moved on.  We were a dance floor apart, I hadn’t been back to my seat in well over an hour but the connection was clear apparently to anyone watching. It was dark, it was loud and it was packed but everyone knew I danced for Him ….. no collar, no label, no protocols.

Married first …. we have managed jobs, kids, responsibilities and hard times this way. Health scares, family stress, you name it.

Never alone, never divided. Maybe our idea of married is just different from most.

Love You Always Sir ❤

Gnawing at me …

I read something a while back that has been gnawing at me ever since. It made me take note of what I have and how I need my dominant to act and react etc. We all have different needs, that is for certain and we all grow and evolve also but the idea I read just doesn’t sit well for me.

Image result for truthTo me the idea that a dominant can never show ‘weakness’ as in emotion or doubt and expect to retain their strength and respect afterwards is absurd. The opinion was something in keeping with the idea that once they showed their vulnerable side the submissive(s) lost all respect and ability to look up to them as a dominant figure and were no longer able or comfortable following such a person. Interesting.

Not showing all of yourself to the one you are with and in charge of might sound like a way of maintaining dominance but to me it just sounds like nothing more than a facade. I suppose that if I was playing around with someone and not in a married 24/7 situation this might be just what I wanted, I’d be looking for play and fun times so nothing real would really matter anyway! As a married mother and submissive I want to know all there is to know about my husband, my best friend …. I want to be there when He needs me just as He is there for me and I certainly don’t want anything in my life to be faked!

It takes more strength to feel than not feel, I know. It takes more strength to tell the truth than it does to tell people what they want to hear, I know that too! I grew up with many so-called ‘dominants’ who always had a point to prove and a reputation to maintain, I learned that not one damn word was the truth and it didn’t make me respect them more, it made me cut them out of my life. Probably why I don’t role play, I can not stand lies of any sort …

I can work through many things and I am probably more forgiving than I should be most days, being angry hurts me more than anyone else anyway but I can not forgive someone who is fake with me, that is just another way to lie.

I don’t want to see your mask of dominance, I want to see the truth. Are you strong enough to tell it? That’s the person I will follow anywhere because that person holds the real power.

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I would rather see the truth in my dominant, even when it isn’t pretty and watch and respect them for picking up and moving forward. That shows strength and character not weakness. I don’t want a paperback novel, I want a partner I can trust. A real person …

Love You Always Sir ❤

The very beginning …. part deux!

More about how we began and what brought me to this side of the DOM sub fence …. I suppose that as far as most ‘lifestylers’ go we kind of came about this a bit backwards.

As I mentioned in part 1, the thing that brought us to this idea of D/s was the fact that we were looking to add to and enhance our sex life. It really wasn’t any more then that originally and I suppose if I am honest what we work at really isn’t more than that now.

The reason I say this is because ALL the other stuff that makes the dynamic more than your normal vanilla relationship was already in place for us. What others refer to as vanilla, I refer to as a non relationship. I simply would not be in a relationship that was not filled with honesty, care, communication, respect, commitment, love and with my best friend.

Right now when I talk about and post about D/s most things I am trying to work on or fit in are sex and BDSM related and in a way that really has become the ‘priority’ and focus. The fact is however that if ALL other things were not already in place this dynamic would not be happening, the BDSM and D/s sex would not be something on the radar. I would never consider this with someone I didn’t trust with my life, all of my life.

Right now with life being busy, and kids at home and responsibilities coming out our ears, schedules and protocols and such can be difficult to maintain. I’ve contemplated the idea that you can’t be as serious or as into it simply because the structure is not quite so strict and I believe this to be incorrect.

Think about it, on Tuesdays let’s say I am to walk around in the buff and clean the family room as well as make dinner and serve it to my Master while he eats and enjoys ‘the view’. After which I am to ask Him if I may be of ‘service’ and you can take it from there …. fantastic, except there are two teens at home so that simply won’t do, you can repeat the whole thing with clothes on instead but one of the boys has a performance of some sort and then the evening has gone from scheduled M/s to ‘get some takeout and find something nice to wear we need to go out’.

Now you could say, no problem you catch up the next day and carry on with rituals and routines from there … well the problem is that in a home with children and family that is not aware of dynamics and just things and people happening all the time this type of ‘interruption’ to your daily scheduled program happens often. Too often to be playing catch up because you never will …

The rules are simple and meaningful, the protocols in place are usually quick and never not done, they mean something and can all be fit in no matter how busy or crazy life can get. Schedules … lol, well as we are flying around by the seat of our pants in this crazy wonderful life schedules tend to be made up as we go along depending on work load and priority.

The fact is and always has been that He has my back no matter what or where and I will love, honour and respect no matter what or where …. and if there is anything in question I go to Him and He has final say, period. He never sets aside His commitment to me and I never set aside my commitment to Him. We never needed advice on how to be together, we just wanted to learn how to kink it up!

Please keep that in mind when reading these few posts, I say sex was the priority because it was the only piece left to place …. we didn’t start off in the bedroom and tried to work our way out, we started off in life and worked it into the bedroom.

A bit backwards from most stories I hear out there, most seem to be hoping it will turn into a commitment and others are married couples trying to fix a marriage, but all I wanted was the sex. I’m not saying that’s what anyone should be looking for in the beginning or that it should be the priority in general, but we already have a happy, healthy and strong relationship …. we just wanted our dessert!

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Love You Always Sir! ❤

Happy Monday!

What do you call a bunny with stripes??

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Stripes the Long Earred Bunny

Content! LOL Thank You Sir!!!! ❤

I want to give a shout out to the Walking Dead! I think it is one of my favourite shows on right now, and I’ve never watched an episode! 😛

The boys go to Gramma’s house to watch it with her every Sunday night when it’s on, the only time ever Sir and I have the house to ourselves! With the cold weather we try to stay inside to play, in the nicer weather we will often go to our detached garage …. but it is winter!

The show doesn’t afford a lot of time so some things like elaborate bondage and what not is put aside, and we play off and on all day to add excitement, so I earned my stripes much earlier in the day when the boys were still in bed! As long as I can stay quiet all is good! 😀

By the time the boys leave we are both amped and ready to play! All the ‘noise’ that I have kept quietly inside can now be let loose, and let me tell you I have a good set of lungs on me!! tee hee My throat is sore, and so are many other parts! My head however is back on straight and I am sporting one silly @ss grin that will not leave!

Thank you Walking Dead 😉 and Thank You Again Sir … ❤ ❤

Love You Always Sir! ❤ and you win, I really can’t sit still very long today, Evil Evil Bear!! lol



Always on

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Thinking again, are you surprised? 😛

On: ‘so as to be attached to or unified with:’

I’ve got this phrase that keeps going through my mind. A ‘submissive is always on …’ yup, I get that! It makes perfect sense, our main priority, objective, want is to be with our Masters/Owners/Sirs and please and be pleasing.

We want the contact either physical or emotional, all the time. Feeling disconnected is the most painful of emotions to deal with. (Likely why I dislike getting stuck in my head and the disconnect that comes from that.)

We have only been DOM/sub for about 4ish years … but you have always been the number one priority on my mind. I can’t say it was ever like that with any other of my relationships but none of them ever got serious either. Once things got serious between the two of us, it has been. I have been always ‘on’ if you will, I really don’t know any other way of being. No one else ever inspired that within me so I had decided that I would rather be alone …. until you came along.

The different before D/s was that even though I was always thinking and planning to please you I didn’t really have any expectation of being noticed or it being reciprocated. That doesn’t quite sound right, I mean you were always kind, caring and appreciative but the degree, intensity and need for your attention was carefully caged up inside me so as to not get my feelings hurt.

Unleashing my deepest darkest parts with D/s and BDSM has also freed the intensity of need for your approval and our connection. Does this mean that for you I have always been submissive? I just kept her very carefully put aside …. ? Or is being ‘on’ a girl thing as well, only the intensity changes when you chose this life?

You always did say that I wasn’t like anyone else you knew, and I always did say no one else was right for me. Perhaps I have always worn your collar, we just never saw it …

Happy Friday! Love You Sir ❤

I should remember …

I really should remember to take my own advice instead of focusing on everything and everyone else! I/We haven’t had much ‘play’ time lately due to schedule and circumstance, these are always the times my brain gets me into trouble. We get lots of sex and rough housing but …..

BDSM calms the crazy in my brain, I think that’s the biggest draw for me. Not sad or angry or worry or anxious, not lonely or bad – just spinning out of control! I start thinking faster than I can even put into words, three and four stories and outcomes for each happening at the same time. I don’t feel wrong or like I’m missing anything, I feel disconnected from the rest of the world, alone in my own mind. I know at least a couple of you out there know what I mean.

Have you ever heard of Person of Interest? You know the ‘machine’ ….. if I don’t get the R&R of play I start spinning like that!

So until Sir can fit in some play that soothes this savage beast I should remember …..

Today’s shower talk …. Sometimes I wonder why it is people go looking for things and then can’t figure out why they found them, why they are stuck with them, why they can’t be free of them. I’ve always believed that you get just what you expect, and that you see in others exactly what […]

via Happy Monday Sir — Sir’s nijntje