I wanted to touch on a subject that doesn’t really make itself known in my world very often, but is so important to remember and put into the right light!
Sometime over our wonderful weekend together I had to use my safe word and I called red! Yup, I know …. wow! Now it wasn’t for a physical issue, no accident or anything like that but it was something I just couldn’t work through and so I used my word.
I’m not entirely sure what it was that was causing me to feel this way but no matter how much I tried I just couldn’t get my mind into what we were doing. I don’t mean I wasn’t interested or turned on enough, I mean I just was starting to feel very uncomfortable and wrong. There was no ‘real’ reason for the discomfort I was having but the fact is that it really doesn’t matter, does it?
I could have continued on, put on a brave face and just let things happen but emotionally that is NOT a good way to do things. Using your safe words is not a failure or let down, on either side. It doesn’t mean that you are not good together and it doesn’t mean that you are not trying hard enough …. I think using your safe words is actually a very powerful way of showing commitment and trust.
For all the kink and crazy things we do the last thing my dominant wants to do is hurt me in a real sense …. emotional hurt is just as important and damaging as physical hurt and sometimes even more so. It doesn’t matter if there is no obvious reason as to why it is happening, it still needs to be addressed.
Showing Him I trust Him enough to use my safe words when I need to or am in doubt only serves to strengthen our connection. It shows that I have trusted Him with all of me, all my thoughts and doubts and worries, … even the ones that don’t seem to make sense or might not be pleasing to deal with for Him. THAT is the point of being a dominant after all, to help and care for and provide for another not just when things are easy or sexy but also in their time of need.
So yes, I called ‘red’, things stopped instantly and within minutes we were talking it out. We both got to feel better and connected and it really wasn’t much time before we were having fun again.
If I hadn’t stopped I would likely be feeling anxious or wrong and doubting all sorts of things about myself and my marriage by now, instead I feel safe and loved and cared for. I have shown Him that He can trust me to be truthful and He has shown me that He can be trusted to care for me, all of me ….. no matter what, without anger, or frustration or hurt.
That’s why He’s my dominant, He has earned the title and continues to do so every day!
Love You Always my Wonderful ❤