Thinking again, are you surprised? 😛
I’ve got this phrase that keeps going through my mind. A ‘submissive is always on …’ yup, I get that! It makes perfect sense, our main priority, objective, want is to be with our Masters/Owners/Sirs and please and be pleasing.
We want the contact either physical or emotional, all the time. Feeling disconnected is the most painful of emotions to deal with. (Likely why I dislike getting stuck in my head and the disconnect that comes from that.)
We have only been DOM/sub for about 4ish years … but you have always been the number one priority on my mind. I can’t say it was ever like that with any other of my relationships but none of them ever got serious either. Once things got serious between the two of us, it has been. I have been always ‘on’ if you will, I really don’t know any other way of being. No one else ever inspired that within me so I had decided that I would rather be alone …. until you came along.
The different before D/s was that even though I was always thinking and planning to please you I didn’t really have any expectation of being noticed or it being reciprocated. That doesn’t quite sound right, I mean you were always kind, caring and appreciative but the degree, intensity and need for your attention was carefully caged up inside me so as to not get my feelings hurt.
Unleashing my deepest darkest parts with D/s and BDSM has also freed the intensity of need for your approval and our connection. Does this mean that for you I have always been submissive? I just kept her very carefully put aside …. ? Or is being ‘on’ a girl thing as well, only the intensity changes when you chose this life?
You always did say that I wasn’t like anyone else you knew, and I always did say no one else was right for me. Perhaps I have always worn your collar, we just never saw it …
Happy Friday! Love You Sir ❤