Dear Sir ….

I respectfully request that they all GO BACK! These are not the toys you want …. I’m certain! 😀

Here are a few things to distract you while I pack them back up for you …. 😉

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Happy Friday!! Have a great weekend  ….. **giggle giggle **

(I’m feeling a bit playful you could say …) Love You Sir! ❤

Good Advice, smart questions ….

I have never been in the ‘community’ and certainly have no experience when it comes to this. I don’t have an online presence outside of this one and I don’t facebook, fetlife, or any other such thing ….. but the more I read and hear stories from submissives across the globe the more I think this really does need to be said again, and again and again ….

What is your motivation behind being collared?

via The Idea of A Collaring — Beautifully Broken Submissive

Kink and …… deliveries

Having kids at home certainly dictates how some things can be done when talking about kink. The age of the kids in question also changes things.

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Sir and I are waiting on a package to arrive, it should be here today. My kids are old enough to read and well frankly figure some things out …. so although there is a certain amount of excitement when waiting on new things there is also a bit of anxiety for us/me mainly because I’m the one at home and I’m normally the one ‘caught’ for lack of a better word.

Now it’s not that the kids open packages or go snooping about but normal conversation and curiosity makes things like “Oh cool mom, what did you get?” a pretty common occurrence. The timing of deliveries is usually the problem as there is almost always someone home with me, home for lunch, home after school (which gets out at 2:17) and home to stay because both boys are very much home bodies.

One of the packages was actually delivered to my oldest which was pretty ‘interesting’ since the content listed on the outside of the box was ‘horse whip’!!! Now as much as I like horses and would love to live on a ranch, I don’t ….. UGH!

The mailman has since changed *whew* and it has been a couple of years since then so we both pretend it never happened! Most times since then the packages that have arrived when the kids were around were clothes for them or me and nothing I couldn’t open nonchalantly in hopes making mailed packages very boring!

Let’s hope that this one comes in at a time that no one else is around …..

Happy Thursday …. should be an interesting weekend! 😉

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Negotiating having needs while being submissive

You need to keep in mind that in my relationship we met, dated and married long before any of this D/s like stuff was ever on the radar, we had two children, pets and full-time jobs in place with all of life’s responsibilities already worked out and shared long before either of us knew that this type of lifestyle was sot after or out there.

Our first few exposures to the labels and ideals were all sex and kink based and frankly that’s all we really found or were able to see in it. It was all very scripted both inside and outside of the bedroom and although it might sound like fun for a while none of it felt real or enticing to us.

I did however find a site by using the labels as a search tool, that lead to a very different way of talking about this ‘D/s’ type relationship. There was no obvious or constant referral to sex or kink, it wasn’t all about rules and punishments, it wasn’t about always getting your way as a DOM and never being able to speak up or having no voice as a submissive ….. it was complicated, it was deep, it put a lot of responsibility on the dominant to care for and protect their submissive. It was so much more than sex, and it was exactly what we needed although at the time we really had no idea.

The depth of responsibility and control was really something Sir had to sit with and come to terms with in understanding especially after being married for about 16 years at the time to someone who had always taken care of themselves AND everyone else.

The way in which to truly hand over control of all of me was something I had to come to terms with as someone who has never wanted to feel like a burden on someone else, especially since I already had this underlying need to serve and be pleasing to Sir, the person I didn’t want to bother with all ‘my stuff’.

The truth is that when He has control of me He is not holding me down or some how stifling me, He is setting me free …. many of us know this feeling, many of us can relate to these words. The other side however is that handing over my true feelings and needs is not a burden to Him it is in fact empowering and providing Him with a sense of fulfillment. It is only AFTER Sir feels that He has been able to provide for my needs and welfare that He then feels free enough to take from me what He wants.

For us the thing that fuels the dominant fire is my ‘submitting’ of my wants, needs, desires and fantasies for Him to learn, use and provide for me as He sees fit. I’m not just referring to sexual needs either, I mean all the things that are required to keep me healthy and fulfilled like today’s need to be cared for and pampered perhaps because my body just can’t take much more …. I could suck it up and carry on but then I’m not giving Him what He needs to fulfill His responsibility towards me.

The bare bones of it is that Sir is a good guy, a good man, and He doesn’t allow Himself to feel entitled to take what He needs and wants from me if He doesn’t feel He has provided for and taken care of His responsibilities towards me first. He will not ‘use’ what He has not earned.

So how does this relate to working out my needs while being submissive? Well giving Him the truth about what I need and feel does not translate as I’m a burden now that I know and understand this perspective. Even if the conversation is not an easy one I know that the only way to free Him to take from me is to first allow Him to provide for me.

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Although I am submissive to Sir in the rest of life I very much fall under the dominant category, and part of my revelation comes from the times and experiences I have had in my own life and most recently with my grandmother.

My grandmother was a very strong and capable woman who in her own time took care of the family, all the family, she was very much the matriarch. As I got older and when push came to shove, the person who she relied on to get things done was me, but she never wanted to burden me and so unless she really had no choice she would often wait or just keep her needs from me.

The fact that such a strong and capable woman who always took care of herself and everyone else could come to and rely on me was a privilege and an honour, not a burden. The times she chose to keep things from me didn’t bring me relief from responsibility they made me feel somehow lacking and even hurt. I know she was trying to not ‘burden’ me with her life and her responsibility but that’s not at all how I felt …… and I imagine that Sir feels very much the same way towards my needs and my care.

My grandmother thought and felt that she was sparing me by not allowing me to do what I felt was my job, my responsibility and mostly my honour to provide. I am very much like my grandmother and for many years I didn’t want to bother my husband either, but as a dominant out there to the rest of the world I also understand how He feels now when I don’t come to Him.

He took on this responsibility willingly and eagerly, my holding back is what makes me feel guilty now, not the other way around. The kink, the bondage, the BDSM is all easy …. it’s fun, it’s what we both like. Giving Him all my secrets, all my needs and all my thoughts is the truth of submission for me and taking them all on and deciding how to lead even when it’s not easy or what He wants to hear is the truth of dominance for Him.

Yes I will follow Him anywhere, Yes I will do whatever He wants, no question, no complaint. Why wouldn’t I? His first priority is and always has been taking care of me. So I will also give Him the information He needs to do that too.

Love You Always Sir! ❤

Tuesday’s musings …

Sitting here on a rainy Tuesday not feeling very well, the rain always makes it worse and the fact that winter brings colds and such doesn’t help one bit. I’ve been in a bit of an odd mood lately, not sure what or why exactly but I find myself not really as cheerful as usual, and as I would like. It is the winter, SADS maybe has something to do with it and the ongoing pain with no end in sight. I find myself hovering between a 7 and 9 on the pain scale and completely exhausted most of the time so actively changing my state of mind is definitely something I am relying on! Once I get myself mobile enough and awake enough I can usually snap out of it pretty quickly.

It’s not that I’m in a bad or grumpy mood, I’m just struggling to stand up straight and that tends to get pretty tiresome and frustrating! I must have caught a bit of dust this morning and with my allergies as they are I had to brace myself and hold on to the table as to not fall over when I sneezed! Needless to say life has been interesting lately ….

These are the days that I know I have completely given over control to you because with all this going on the only thing I can think of right now to do and make me feel better is this:

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Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Happy Monday

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http://www.dreamstime.com

Here’s to weekends spent hiding and trying to get dressed wondering if anyone saw anything! LOL

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Apparently Bears can move as fast as bunnies when needed! teehee Now that was fun! Can’t wait to see what our next hide away weekend brings!!

One of these days I’ll write a post that’s actually about something Sir, but for now I’m just enjoying not being able to make a move without remembering or feeling you! 😀

Love You Always Sir ❤

The signs were always there ….

Music has always meant a lot to me, the songs I pick to listen too are normally much more about the words than they are the sound. This has been one of my favourites since shortly after we met, it came out in 1991, I will often play it over and over through the day sometimes on repeat.

The funny thing is that the Bear knows all this, He knows I pick things that mean something to me and yet He didn’t notice that all these words were being said point-blank years ago already! I’ve been his from the beginning, without a label.

Go ahead Bear, make it from a girl instead and take another look at the lyrics and see what you think. LOL 😉

GARTH BROOKS LYRICS

“Shameless”

Well I’m shameless when it comes to loving you
I’ll do anything you want me to
I’ll do anything at all
And I’m standing here for all the world to see
Oh baby that’s what’s left of me
Don’t have very far to fall
You know now I’m not a man who’s ever beenInsecure about the world I’ve been livin’ in
I don’t break easy I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied

I’m shameless, oh honey I don’t have a prayer
Every time I see you standin’ there
I go down upon my knees

And I’m changin’ swore I’d never compromise
Oh but you convinced me otherwise
I’ll do anything you please

You see in all my life I’ve never found
What I couldn’t resist what I couldn’t turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can’t walk away from you

I have never let anything have this much control over me
I work too hard to call my life my own
And I’ve made myself a world and it’s worked so perfectly
But it’s your world now I can’t refuse
I’ve never had so much to lose
Oh I’m shameless

You know it should be easy for a man who’s strong
To say he’s sorry or admit when he’s wrong
I’ve never lost anything I’ve ever missed
But I’ve never been in love like this

It’s out of my hands
I’m shameless, I don’t have the power now
I don’t want it anyhow
So I got to let it go

Oh I’m shameless, shameless as a man can be
You make a total fool of me
I just wanted to you to know

Oh I’m shameless
I just wanted you to know
Oh I’m shameless
Oh I’m down on my knees…shameless

Offerings

One thing that I tend to have a hard time maintaining is this idea that I can and should be offering myself to my dominant/husband for, well … sex! I know I don’t often write about sex and I have no intention of going into details, not sexual details anyway, but the idea that it’s okay for me to basically ask or initiate by asking is one that I know in my mind makes sense but one that my manners and ladylike ideals want to avoid. If I do manage to get past that (which I have for the most part with His guidance and acceptance) now I have this nagging thought that submissive’s don’t start things, DOMs do! In a scene or part-time situation I suppose that makes sense, and I’m not saying anyone has told me that, it’s just from reading and thinking too much I believe! I don’t think I’m the only one who has this ridiculous notion either ….

So this someone I talk to mentioned to me about maybe going half way, providing a starting point for Sir I think is what he meant, basically foreplay from my side …. at least I think that’s what he meant. My fear/worry was that I might be talking Him into something He really didn’t want to do ….. sounds silly doesn’t it?

I’m not sure there is a man out there who doesn’t at the very least enjoy being pursued and presented with a sexy show of some sort, and a Dominant man will gladly watch and then decide what if anything to do about it! I’m pretty sure that putting on a show of sorts would not be forcing His hand at anything …. and at this point He might even enjoy telling me I need to wait!! ;P

My rational side knows all these things obviously, but my girly emotional side gets caught up in them and then feels confused as to how best proceed! I know, I know, totally ridiculous ….. this is why I have decided to stop looking! At least for now, ideas are great but I need to get a solid hold on me for now before I continue looking for new and exciting ideas.

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The animalistic, wolf like side of the story for me works just fine right now. Animals don’t over analyze or worry, they act and react, they work on instinct and they have a very strict and noted hierarchy, there is posturing and submission but not contracts or schedule. It’s natural, raw, primal and real …… and right now that’s all I need to focus on because the truth is that is closer to the real me, the real us than any of the things I have come across.

When the Alpha female wants to ‘play’ she ‘kneels’ and lays down and presents herself for the taking. The dominant male will either ‘play’ or He won’t, but she doesn’t worry about whether or not she is forcing His hand, He’s the Boss – you can’t force anything on Him, He does what He likes. I need to make it so this is the idea stuck in my head …. that and the fact that Sir prefers slower shaking of the back side! 😉 LOL

Love You Always Sir! ❤

 

 

 

Snow Day!!!

Today is a snow day, for me it doesn’t always mean much but as it happens today I ended up with some cancellations and the day to myself, well until 3 pm anyway. Sir is at work and I’m focusing on getting some housework in before I might need to get to work later this afternoon. So why am I writing this on my submissive site ….?

Well one of the ways I actively show my submission in something other than kink is by taking care of myself. I have a very bad back, I have had issues since I can remember and this past year has been particularly difficult. I’ve been working on strengthening and stretching and basically taking even better care than ever before. I have spent the morning vacuuming and washing the floors on the main level. I’ve been careful not to move anything too heavy and still my back is really starting to ache. I can not bend down to pick anything up, let’s just put it that way …. If I stop and rest now I should be able to get back to ‘normal’ in a short while, if I don’t I will soon be laid out on the floor, simple as that, been there plenty of times before!

Now I know that Sir likes a nice clean and tidy house and I know that I have plenty of time to get some things done and take some of it off our plates for later in the evening or weekend hours but I also know that despite how happy He will be to have the chores done He will NOT be happy if they came at the expense of my over all health. His main reason for choosing this life is to be able to take care of me, protect me and keep me healthy, happy and safe. If I keep going with housework I will not be keeping myself safe or healthy and will be going against His wishes.

So for now I’m resting my back and waiting to get back to my day once it’s appropriate. As much as I want to please Him and do for Him the best thing I can do now is take care of myself and wait. He likes to read my thoughts so I’m writing this out and with any luck I will have one very happy Bear once He gets in, and I might even get a ‘good girl’ out of the day!

Not doing is much more difficult for me than working until I drop. It’s things from my past and personality I suppose but I’m not one to stop and put my health first. This causes a battle in my mind that sounds much like ‘what the heck are you waiting for, don’t be such a lazy @ss, when did you turn into a big baby ….’ etc. etc. I don’t need to be told to be polite, I don’t need to be told to watch my spending and I don’t need to be told about bed time or avoiding bad situations, …. not hurting myself by doing too much is my issue and this is where I submit to His will, because it’s His job to take care of me and I will respect and honour His wishes.

The snow is also piled up in the driveway and I’ve been told to leave it …… UGH!

Love You Always Sir! ❤