I don’t think it’s a big secret to anyone that I am more than capable of dealing with life as it comes up. I’m pretty sure the tone of my writing doesn’t leave anyone thinking that I’m a poor helpless individual who needs to be saved.
The fact that I am strong, capable, independent, self-sufficient and have one h*ll of an attitude when it comes to taking care of me and mine might be a surprise to anyone first seeking a submissive site if you believe all the misconceptions and misinformation, but if you’ve been reading my stuff for a while you’ll know that meek and needy is certainly no where near the truth here.
All that being said, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when only the Bear can help … There is this ‘Dragon’ that has had me feeling guilty, angry, helpless, sad and a whole cornucopia of other emotions for quite some time that I was just unable to slay on my own. I needed the Bear in charge, I needed to just shut up and listen in order to allow myself to put everything into perspective before it could be handled.
Before the Bear become the ‘boss’ without question, my own emotions and guilt clouded my judgement and made the Dragon impossible to be seen clearly and for what it was. Anytime He wanted me to stand up for myself and not accept what was happening as inevitable or justified I shut Him down. I figured I knew best and was so wrapped up in my self-doubt and worry that I couldn’t see the truth and take care of the issue.
Once I started to follow the Bear without question I started to see the truth in His words. I started to trust that it wasn’t all on me and my past and that the guilt I was carrying wasn’t right. I stopped putting the Dragon into my own life and past and started dealing with it for what it was, someone else’s issue, different and separate from my own and therefore the emotional connections I was making to this other person’s pain was not valid or real.
I was reliving my painful emotional past and physical manifestations there of through my son’s emotional pain and subsequent physical outcome. Our childhoods are so completely different his from what mine was that my brain couldn’t reconcile why he would be going through similar anguish. Secondly, what he was doing was so familiar to me that it felt almost ‘normal’ … my guilt over failing as a parent didn’t allow me to see past where we were to actually listen and get help.
Once I put the Bear in charge I had no choice but to listen, really listen to what He was saying. Although I still have vast more experience and knowledge in this particular issue the Bear had the wisdom and emotional calm to steer me in the right direction.
Art by @de_fine_art
I don’t think I’ve ever told Him outright. If I hadn’t put Him in charge of all of me I’m not sure how far I would be in this battle with my Dragon. I’m not sure if I would have been able to let go of the past enough to move forward here and in the future ….
I’m sure this is very confusing for many of you, some more on the Dragon can be found here if you choose to look.
As for the Bear, He’ll know what I’m talking about, and thank you Sir! Without your guidance and dominance in this issue I think the dragon might have slain me!
Love You Always ❤