It seems to me that the more I attempt to research and pin down this type of relationship the more confused and blurred the lines seem to get. The more people throw around terms and labels the more it becomes clear as mud!
A term to one person means something slightly different to another, at times it means something completely different all together. Unfortunately what happens with these terms is that people think they understand each other but stop short of asking for details …. the assumption that the word or term means the same to both of us leaves one sometimes agreeing or disagreeing with a perceived notion that might be completely incorrect.
Using such terms can lead to blanket statements and trying to generalize something that is so person specific …. well, you get the picture.
I went out looking for ideas of ‘protocols and rules’ because I like to try to better myself when possible. I know we haven’t many rules and sometimes the most basic and simple things get over looked when one is trying too hard, so I went looking.
What I found were some generalizations calling groups of people and specific dynamics there in abusive …. although I agreed with the types of things they referred to as abusive I couldn’t agree that an entire group using the same term/label was being abusive.
There is good and bad in every aspect of this world, simply slapping a different label on it doesn’t make it any less likely to occur. Likewise just because the term you heard is somehow connected to a bad experience in your past it doesn’t mean everyone is doing that same abusive thing.
It’s not the term that’s the problem it’s some specific people who have chosen to use it. The term you have chosen for your dynamic doesn’t guarantee that others who use it might not be abusive …. the devil’s in the details (as my friend would say).
So a bit of a ramble again and a bit of a rant, this is why I can’t stand labels!!
What I went looking for was protocol/rule ideas that are not kink or sex based for us 24/7 monogamous, committed couples who live together …. I’m starting to think (well maybe not starting too, just remembering) that what most people call rules I call good manners and decorum. Darn terms and labels …. lol
If you have anything that you use/view under this umbrella that you would like to share please comment …. I’d love to compare apples to apples for a change. 😀
Some of the more basic ones:
- technology does not belong at dinner, lunch or any other shared time (phones, ipads, etc.)
- no one is left to eat alone
- raised voices, swearing, slamming doors etc. is never acceptable
- if anyone is talking you stop what you’re doing and look and listen, be attentive
- please and thank you never goes out of style
- Sir opens all doors when we are out, orders and pays
- whenever possible Sir is met at the door with a kiss and a smile (work sometimes makes that impossible but not often)
- I prepare the coffee for Sir in the morning (He than prepares mine for when I wake)
- if you get something for yourself you ask the other person if they too would like some, or something …
There are others that have to do with attire and kinky preferences but as you all know I don’t write anything explicit or sexually personal on here ….
Love You Always Sir ❤