Chocolate Days

I think I’ll have a chocolate day today. Work is crazy as usual, the rain won’t stop, it’s making my muscles and head ache. My throat is sore and I’m pretty sure I’m fighting a fever …..

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So a chocolate day it is! Every time I try to eat something I end up feeling terrible so I might as well make my efforts worth the pain! Besides, I understand that wine during the work day is frowned upon …..

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That would likely end up more of a chocolate daze! LOL

Love You Always ❤

 

The Bear doesn’t get angry.

My Sir is a very happy and indulgent man! 😀 He goes through and shows a lot of emotion, He is certainly not afraid of having them. The one emotion however that I never see is anger, not with me anyway.

In the almost 22 years we have been together I don’t ever remember Him shouting at me or being disrespectful because of a disagreement or difference of opinion. He’s never walked out on me or turned His back, He’s never been that guy …. (I’ve never been the rude or disrespectful wife either.)

Managing His anger or behaving like a real man has never been an issue pre or post D/s but what has changed is this:

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The Look! Staying in control was never an issue, but now that He knows He has it …. the look! I hate the look, He doesn’t need to yell, He doesn’t need to get angry or slam doors or walk out or whatever else might be common for people when they are upset … He just gives me the look.

It says to me “Do you really want to do that? Is that really how you want to play?” and sometimes “Keep it up and you won’t be sitting down any time soon …”

I don’t often get the look, like I said it hate it! It’s been well over a year since the last sentiment for sure!! Sir doesn’t need to get angry, when you are well in control of things, it shows. It’s that quiet, calm and controlled look of disapproval that I do anything to avoid!

A real dominant commands respect, that’s why I follow the Bear.

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

‘Sometimes you just can’t ….’?

There is a statement that keeps floating through my head from time to time. Something that was said to me a while back at a time that I just wasn’t mentally ready to deal with it to the fullest extent that I would like. Since I haven’t anything else really on my mind I think I’ll take a shot at my opinion on the subject now.

The statement was that when it comes to maintaining your D/s ‘sometimes it just isn’t possible. Some days limping together is the best people can do.’ I disagreed with the statement then and I disagree with it now.

Although I understand the idea behind the words and I understand why some people might feel that it is a valid and justified answer I myself disagree with the statement.

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I know that this is strictly my own view and my own values at work here and that my particular personality has everything to do with that but I have never been one to accept ‘okay for now’ as good enough. I do not ‘settle’ at anything and certainly not at something that has become such a major part of my life and overall welfare. I can’t imagine any situation as to where I would and believe me I have been through plenty. But than I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist … I have high expectations, that’s who I am.

First I keep a close eye on what’s going on and how I’m feeling and I’m always sure to let my Sir in on all the details. I don’t stop being submissive to Him because something came up or because I’m feeling down, or worn out or just out of my mind stressed and crazy, I do the opposite, I focus on submitting more.

When it comes to being the lead in this house Sir also does not allow things to stop or pause His place in this relationship. If something needs work than He works at it, He listens to me and He comes up with solutions. He’s no more okay with ‘good enough for now’ than I am. He has high expectations too, that’s why we work together …

Perhaps the key for us is that taking the lead does not mean being the only one who works or thinks about things and solutions. I often times will come up with a perfectly good way of dealing with whatever the situation, and Sir needs only sign off on it. Sometimes He listens to what I have to say but decides on a different direction, that’s His right for He’s the one in charge.

The point is I never stop deferring to Him and He never stops putting in the effort required to keep leading. Sometimes I’m better equipped to handle the situation for whatever the reason and we follow my suggestions, it doesn’t mean He’s not still ultimately in charge it just means that this isn’t His forte.

A good leader knows when to take control of a situation and when to delegate. In my opinion a good leader should be working towards making His/Her followers self-sufficient and strong. A good leader works to make Himself unnecessary by which creating trust and devotion. But now I’ve gotten a bit off topic.

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So all in all I still don’t think limping is good enough, I think you get a cast and you stand up and move forward, you take care of the issue in such a way that allows you to keep moving forward and you don’t settle ….. but then again I’m not ‘A’ submissive, I’m only His submissive.

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

 

No Orgasm please.

I know, I know, some of you out there are thinking what?!?! Why would I post something like that, what in the world could I be thinking? Well the truth is that sometimes I really don’t want one … at least not right then! ;D

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Part of my submission, part of what makes me feel good and fulfilled is being able to be there for Sir. One of these such ways is sexually of course, we are mature, responsible adults in a committed relationship, why would that not be an option?

Besides being there sexually though, sometimes I want to show that I am there JUST for Him, and only His needs not mine. I don’t think that idea is uncommon in this type of relationship, the idea that the dominant gets to take for His/Her pleasure alone but it’s more than that sometimes …. It becomes what I need at times, what I’m craving to provide even if He is not at that moment taking.

Now mind you my view might be different if my situation was different I grant you that. My Sir is extremely generous with allowing me pleasure so it’s not like I would be suffering over this in any way. I certainly get my share of orgasms … (and this is in no way a complaint Sir!!!)

I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes I get so lost in the act of being there for and giving to my Sir that the last thing I am looking for or needing is my own release. Not being allowed to do this for Him and Him only sometimes feels like I have let something really wonderful slip away. I want to show Him my devotion and need to serve in a very physical way that leaves my other needs completely out of it, but alas sometimes Sir has other plans for me. Again, not a complaint just a statement. I very much enjoy doing ‘that’ too.

It’s the giving of that part of myself to Him and ONLY Him with no expectation in return that makes me feel like I can finally show Him just the depth of my submission and my devotion to Him, and to us. In my mind there is nothing more intimate or more personal and that is what I want to give and share with Sir. It’s the deepest, truest and most vulnerable part of me physically depicted with no expectation in return, it’s simply offered as a representation of my feelings of love, trust and devotion.

In case anyone was ever curious, it is also why I don’t write about our sex life in any detail. That type of intimacy to me is reserved for only one.

Love You Always Sir ❤

Monday once more ….

Another weekend come and gone and the dreaded Monday morning back once more. I suppose I should be grumpy, or sulky or some sort of ‘off’ this morning since I’m missing you already but I’m not.

I’m sitting gingerly on this hard wooden chair being reminded of our time together, your ownership of me , of my body but most importantly of my mind. I could sit somewhere more comfortable, but I don’t want to. I like feeling the after effects of our time, our play, our connection. It’s just one more thing that keeps me feeling close to you even when you’re not here.

The more we experiment and the more you enjoy me the more at peace I feel. It’s strange that something so exposed and open can make me feel stronger and more sure of myself but it always seems to. The more you show me what pleases you, the more connected and safe I feel. The more you allow me to be yours the more I can be myself ….

So yes it’s Monday but I prefer to focus on all the little bits of my body that are reminding me of you! They help me stay warm and surrounded by your energy and strength until I can wait contently at your feet to be invited back into your arms.

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Love You Always My Wonderful ❤

 

Submission 101 – Talking and Understanding

I think that one of the main aspects of my submission is the time and effort put towards talking to and understanding Sir. Taking the time to understand exactly what it is that makes Him feel dominant and in control and in turn putting that information to use in my daily life.

The books, the stories, the sites out there are all interesting and some even have some good starting points but when it comes to us and our relationship there really are only two experts, US! I’m sure that there are as many versions of D/s as there are couples and relationships and to think that everyone does things exactly the same, or to think that what one dominant wants is the same as another is silly and often times leads to nothing but hurt and trouble.

So if you believe that to be basically true than why would the submissive side of the coin be any different? In order for Sir to understand and care for me and my needs He too needs me to voice my likes, dislikes, wants and hopes. Without all the information about what’s really going on in my mind Sir couldn’t possibly do His job and lead our relationship. Like wise, if I start taking care of all my own issues without involving Him in any part of it than I am not allowing Him to lead me in that area either. But that is another post ….

I had a hard time in the beginning being able to tell Him what I wanted and needed and telling Him things that I would like to try or needed help with. I didn’t want to be leading the relationship and I didn’t want to feel like I was making the decisions and so it was hard to put that into the perspective of being submissive.

The reality is that once Sir has all the information He is still the one deciding what to do about it. Being able to take charge and lead properly and effectively in any situation requires the leader to first become familiar with and understand all of the important information available on the subject. In this case the subject is me.

Just as I need to listen and understand His wants and needs in order to better submit, so too does He need to understand mine. Not communicating would be a disservice to my Master which means that telling Him my desires is not leading, it’s just necessary!

Can’t wait till the weekend, Happy Friday!

Love You Sir ❤

 

Toys revisited …

A little while back I wrote a post about ‘toys’ and the fact that I really didn’t have much want or need for them. I also mentioned that perhaps it was simply a matter of not really knowing how to incorporate them into our play in a way that would be enjoyable and fun. Well since that time we have been experimenting with the collection of toys we had and also have added a few new ones to the mix! I must say that the experience has been enlightening to say the least! LOL  Image result for kinky toys

 

I still very much prefer to be ‘hands on’ and there is no toy out there that will change that. With Sir I am a very sensual person and I love to be touched and rubbed etc. With everyone else however I NEED my personal space! I have never liked to be touched or even stand very closely to anyone. I remember clearly how annoyed and irritated I used to get when I was expecting and everyone seemed to think it was okay to just walk up and touch or rub my belly. My reaction was always a huge step back and to try and hide the look of horror that flashed across my face.

I have never been a ‘touchy, feely’ kind of person, I am getting much better at giving hugs and accepting hugs from close friends and family (although my first instincts to crawl away are often still present) but in general I still very much prefer my space!

You can start to understand why Sir thought I was simply not the type to want his attention constantly over the years. I never shied away from Him but my reaction to others was obvious to Him and I suppose He just assumed it would be the same in His case. The reality was/is that without physical contact from Him I get none, and maybe that’s one reason that I crave the feel of His skin on mine even more so. It doesn’t need to be sexual, just touch …

More honest communication back then would have certainly gone a long way to understanding this but there is nothing to be done for it now. It does however serve as a reminder that things are not always as they seem and we now talk about EVERYTHING, always!

But, back to toys …. I still do not care to use them on their own but with some imagination and a lot of other sensual play I have learned that even I can learn to enjoy these things! 😀 Sir seems to love to watch my body react for Him and sometimes drive me a little ‘squirrelly’ for His amusement! 😛 Okay, maybe a lot squirrelly!

My favourites are still impact related or bondage but I must admit that toys have found a spot in our play time. Sir has bought a new collar and cuffs that I’m just excited to wear but the opportunity has not yet shown itself. I’m more then happy to wear the entire ensemble out and about but I’m pretty sure He will keep the collar at least for the house, for now .. 😉 Soon please Sir ???

My style (and attitude) has always been very Abby Sciuto a bit girly in a dark and eccentric sort of way. Funny thing is D/s has actually stopped me from wearing more obvious collars out so as to not draw attention …. but I do proudly wear what ever Sir will allow.

Love You Always Sir ❤