I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse sometimes ….
Sometimes I get a little frustrated with Sir, sometimes He starts to let things crowd His mind and then by the time He remembers me I’m at the bottom of the list. They say patience is a virtue but sometimes I wonder if that’s true, or more of a curse … at least in my case.
I know I have a hand in this too, I let my patience and waiting get in the way of speaking up sometimes. At least I think that’s what needs to change …. I can only control my actions no one else’s so in this case I think that’s the key.
I don’t ask for much, at least I don’t think so, but the things I do need are key in keeping me balanced. I’m very good at knowing myself and recognizing my strengths and my needs so by the time I have asked for something it has been well thought through and likely very much on point.
The other thing I don’t do is act out, I am just not very good at it … I can’t bring myself to be nasty or sassy, I can’t misbehave and I can’t bring myself to disregard any of the rules or my manners! It’s like those chains of His are always on me, keeping me in my place even when He is not.
The closest I get to anything noticeable I suppose would be that I start to get fidgety. Usually this is already the time that I am getting close to my wit’s end, when I’m having a hard time staying in the mindset and starting to battle with my inner voice that says ‘grow up and take care of your damn self’!
This I think would be my struggle with being submissive, leaving myself in His care all the time, even when my current needs aren’t being met and not deciding to take over my own spirit and take care of my own issues.
The truth is that when everything else is going on around us and life is busy and loud my ever so subtle ways of ‘acting out’ are very easy to miss. They are practically nonexistent, the real action goes on inside my mind.
So you tell me, is my abundance of patience and good manners a blessing or a curse? By the time I get to this point in my mind I than have to fight with my warrior to push her back down and actually speak up, be vulnerable, and tell Him what I need once more.
That’s my battle with submission. Opening myself up to Him when He is controlling the pace and the outcome is easy, opening myself up when He’s unaware that I need to is HARD!
No, my life is not perfect, but I can’t help but keep trying when it comes to Sir. Even when my body aches, my head feels fuzzy and my shoulders are heavy, I’m still His submissive …. 24/7, 365.
I still have no plans of acting up, so I guess I’ll just push my pride down deep and speak up ..
Love You Always Sir ❤