Humm, there has been so much change in this past year but most of it subtle I think and likely not noticed by most. Not that it should be noticed by anyone but us, it is our life and our adventure! 😀
Out side of the crazy, hot, kinky sex …. which is most certainly a good thing, the main differences for me I guess would be based on how I see my place in our marriage now, as opposed to where I always was. I have mentioned before that the manners and old-fashioned mannerisms have always been here for me. I’ll even go out on a limb and suggest that you became more of an old fashioned ‘gentleman’ because of my actions and expectations …
The biggest change for me is that I actually do count on you now, like really count on you. I think we were always 90% of the way there but I just didn’t know for certain that you wanted the responsibility, point-blank, so I always had an alternate plan, just in case. Now I don’t ….. that makes me vulnerable, truly vulnerable all the time, total loss of control – to you!
The feeling of vulnerability for me stems from not having a backup plan in case you don’t manage something on my behalf, in case you don’t make me and my well-being in every situation a priority on your list. To truly submit for me means to not second guess you or expect that you won’t take care of something … just maybe. You could forget, you could be distracted and not notice, you might simply not realize it is an issue …. any sort of thing could potentially get in the way, but I trust you with it regardless.
How can I possibly be so trusting? Well it’s simple really, I know for certain that I am your priority and as to everything else that might happen, well I’m open, honest and I’m sure to communicate all my needs and fears etc. I’ve said many times in many posts that being dominant does not mean being a mind reader, and if that’s what I was expecting, well then I would be very sorely disappointed! This does take some reality checks on my part, that is for certain, but the more and more I am open and communicate, the more and more you can do your job and take the lead.
There is no Fifty Shades of BS here! My life is not a story book that someone thought up and sold millions of copies. I remember actually having the conversation, much to a lot of people’s dismay, that the story book version almost turned me against this whole lifestyle idea! LOL I might be new to the terminology and new to the kink, but to following you and your lead anywhere you decide to take me, … well to that I am not new.
An obvious side effect of the D/s, if you will, is that the boys now expect the decisions to come from their dad, not me! Now that was probably the most obvious change and the hardest/sweetest to swallow! Talk about a double-edged sword! On one hand I was very proud that the subtleties of everyday life had changed to where the boys knew to now ask you for permission where in the past 15 years or so they had always come to me … On the other hand the fear of losing their respect was very much in the back of my mind.
My thoughts/and hopes on this are that they realize that I defer to you for the final say but that you still regard my thoughts and wishes very highly. My hope is that they see your respect for me and realize that I haven’t changed in my standing, you have just grown stronger in yours, because that’s the way I see it, and I think that’s the way it should be.
The rules, the rituals, the kink …. they are all fine and more often then not fun too! At the end of the excitement and ‘honeymoon’ of starting this dynamic I think people start to realize that it takes commitment, it takes honesty and it takes realistic expectations.
If I need something I ask, and if you need something from me I expect you will do the same. If we couldn’t be honest with each other and communicate as well as we do I don’t think any sort of ‘story’ would make it all okay ….
I might only be 3 years into kink, but I have always been yours!
Love You Sir ❤