So I’ve had this ‘idea’ scribbled, saved in my drafts for over a month now. It’s not something I’m working on or trying to fix or anything like that Sir, it just came about because of a conversation I was having. It’s just my view on life you could say, my two cents!

I identified with this topic on two levels, one being first love, young, naive and whole-hearted. When everything is a big deal, every look is soooo meaningful and the smallest act is translated to ‘OMG He’s so awesome’!! When we’re young and have no other responsibilities, all our attention is on our crush and we very actively find ways to make them good, and great and the best thing that has ever happened to us. That’s why everyone remembers their ‘first love’ because we wear some big *ss rose-coloured glasses and we make everything mean something ……

And then we grow up. Things become less exciting and our hearts don’t beat frantically every time we have a dinner date. Been there, done that … we think. No need to get our hopes up, no need to make it more than it is, we get cynical, we get guarded.

Eventually (hopefully) someone comes along that makes us feel naive again in this game of love. We meet, we laugh, we love, we marry. Everything is great again, not quite as all-encompassing perhaps as the first love but pretty darn close. So we give, we wait and we wonder … and then life starts again. Responsibilities creep back in and our days go from waiting and panting shamelessly to pushing each other off, or getting frustrated because our partner didn’t do exactly what we wanted. We get angry and then we just get closed off and alone. And then we wonder, what happened? Why isn’t he doing what he used to do, why isn’t he all that I remember, why isn’t he my dream anymore?

And then we find this thing called D/s – and we want it to save us. We want it to make it all better and we once again dive head first into our relationship …. It’s like going back to high school. Every little thing he does is great, all actions are looked at in the best light and we are oh so happy ….. for a while. And then life goes on, and things get to be usual again and then we once again start to wonder …. why isn’t he doing what he used to?

Well the reality is, he IS doing what he used to, you just no longer put such emphasis on the action as you once did. When you don’t react like you used to, he doesn’t get a charge like he used to, and so on and so on ….

When we are young and uninhibited things are different …. we can’t have that again unless we get that uninhibited again. When we are young with D/s and uninhibited things are also different. If you want that back then you need to get that uninhibited again.

I think our first love is like going back to high school as an adult … it all seemed so much bigger then …. it’s our choice to keep the feeling or let it die. 


I still wonder at you Bear!

Love you Always Sir ❤


A lot of good information here ….

For anyone new and trying to work things out or for anyone who’s been in this for a while, there is a lot of good information here and maybe even a few reminders ….

1. Be Patient “To the Dominant, I say this: Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give your submissive time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of Dominance. Similarly, strength […]

via The Top 10 rules of D/s — shahrazadstory


I need to ….

kneel, for you …

head down, eyes focused on the floor …

picturing where your feet would be, how they look ….

I need to ….

wait, for you …

your sound, your voice calm and certain …

reaching into my soul, calming the ever-present noise …

I need to …

open, to you …

defenses gone, trust and security felt ….

deep to the core of my being, no plan ‘b’ …

I am yours …..


Love You Always ❤


Take what you will

I have fought against this in my mind for a while …. but now I’m ready to put it out there on the line.

I’m not under any delusion that people will believe or understand …. but the info is here for you to get.

I haven’t been ‘in trouble’ in almost a year (for those of you who thrive on that) I don’t have any issues that aren’t resolved within a few hours (assuming I’m being closed off) and I’m quite happy despite my physical issues and whatever else life throws my way.

And it’s all because I view myself very much in this way; self actualized – and when you are done reading you will maybe understand this post!

It may help anyone who is trying to understand why I really don’t have a problem being me …

Sir says I should put my name at the end of that list, but I didn’t write it! LOL

Here’s to the ‘new normal’ Flutter! 😀


Working out my hangups – Pt. 2

Working out my Hangups  was basically a New Year’s resolution of sorts I suppose you could say and so I thought it would be a good time to access how far I have been able to come in respect to working on and working out all the hangups.

The original post was brought about in part due to a conversation we had had about Sir wanting me to also show interest and pursue Him. Now like a lot of you out there I really don’t have much interest in being the aggressor in the bedroom. This is not to say I can’t, or won’t if He asks me too but it is certainly not my first choice and although I have grown much more comfortable in my skin I still really don’t get very turned on doing so.

I don’t feel silly or foolish or ‘bad’ anymore (not usually, although I have a new method now and so I really am just guessing) but I have found a way of showing Sir how much I desire Him without being the aggressor.

Now I think there is a bit of history needed here for this to make sense. First off, when we first started with D/s and BDSM activities I was falling very much into the story book submissive. I did exactly what I was told and just what I was told, to the letter. The scenes, sex, encounters were all started by and completely dictated by Sir. Fun for sure but we wanted more ….

Eventually we began playing with consensual non-consent encounters. I got to be feisty and sometimes combative and it certainly added a new dimension to the play time. It’s not role-playing because nothing is ever said or done that isn’t us or normally in our relationship with the exception of me pretending I’m not interested! 😉

Anyway, eventually Sir wanted to play/scene/have sex again with His bunny who wasn’t fighting him, who made it very bloody obvious that she wanted Him! So here we reached the first post, the idea that a DOM also wants to be wanted, pursued, desired just as much as the submissive. But if I’m not interested or comfortable in being the aggressor in bed, how did I accomplish this?

Well, the first rule change for us was that I am now allowed to touch Sir sexually without asking permission as long as there is a layer of clothing between us. This allows me to be very coy, or provocative and very obvious for Him but at the same time remain in my submissive place by respecting the ‘barrier’ rule.

The second and most important idea I had to get comfortable with was to not wait/or ‘fight’ His touch, I started to (and still do) open to Him completely with the slightest touch. If He brushes my cheek I automatically close my eyes/or stare longingly into His, I drop my head to the side and ‘purr’ my contentment and want. This normally elitists the comment “Oh those eyes!”

If He comes up behind me and kisses my neck or wraps His arms around me I almost fall to my knees, I rest up against Him if possible and a moan inevitably escapes my lips ….

In more intimate situations still I won’t hesitate to give Him exactly what I think He wants. If He touches my breast I will lean into Him, if He touches my thigh I will open for Him, every touch He makes leads to an exaggerated openness from me. No hesitation, no second thoughts, I present myself to Him completely …. He doesn’t need to order, He doesn’t need to ask, He doesn’t need to ‘fight’.

None of this is aggressive on my part but it does make Him feel very much wanted and needed by me. None of this is faked but it’s not something my hangups would have allowed me to do before. ‘Good Girls aren’t wanton …’ or so my brain would keep me thinking.

For us at least this has given us both what we need. I don’t normally write about our encounters but I have recently read some ladies having the same issues and I’m hoping to share my prospective and hopefully help. 🙂

“That look in your eyes tells me that you need me, that you want me, but mostly …. it tells me that you are completely controlled by me!” says Sir

That’s what we get out of it, sounds like a win win to me.

Love You Always Sir ❤


Sunday – a D/s funny

So Sir is in a playful mood today and He’s been funny and teasing through out the day. It’s coming close to the end of the evening, we sit on the couch and watch a TV show.

As I go to stand up to check on the dog, I take a drink of water …. at the same moment Sir reaches forward and playfully starts to slap the inside of my thigh.

He catches me off guard and I squeal, just the way He likes! 😉 The problem is I had just taken a drink of water and it was still in my mouth.

As Sir realizes that I sound different because I have a mouth full of water He pipes up and says ‘Oh sorry, I should have let you swallow first!’

Of course this made it even worse! lol My eyes got really wide and I looked at him half squealing and half whining like ‘oh come on’ …..! It was all I could do not to spit the water every where or choke! LMAO

Sir soon realizes how this relates to one of our kinks! Pretty soon He too is laughing uncontrollably.

(I managed to not spit out the water, but it was a close one!)

And so ends our vacation week … 😀

Love You Always Sir ❤

And then it began ….

The very first time I remember liking the feeling of spanking was quite by accident.

I was still very young and was playing with a friend on the swings, she was pushing me, it was her turn and she accidentally missed on the timing and smacked into my bottom instead of waiting just a second more and pushing on my back.

The next swing back she got the timing right, much to my dismay! lol I guess spanking is not a new fetish of mine at all …

It took over 30 years and a very wonderful husband for me to finally admit that to Him but mainly to myself! I guess all the liberating of my womanly self wasn’t that liberating after all …

I do believe I am the most free in your chains Sir!

Love You Always ❤

Out of Sorts, sort of ….

I’m not really sure what to say or how to write this out, its been on my mind a few days now. The problem is I’m not sure how much of it is just in my head and how much of it is just one of those things that my body is doing right now so I just kind of need to deal with it and move on!

Writing it down always seems to make it come together for me, so I guess here goes nothing ….

I’ve discovered that I’m having a really hard time getting turned on lately. Or more so, I get turned on but it kind of stalls? Most of the sexual actions in any of the main erogenous zones are just not working …. it just starts off good but then quickly turns to frustration (thinking okay any time now) and then irritation (both mental and physical) to the point where it is simply just not happening . If I do make it to orgasm, which I always seem to some how or another – but it’s not as intense, not as fulfilling? Not sure what the word is here …

(I know you’re thinking, you just said it wasn’t working and now you’re talking about it’s not as good …. well I have different ‘degrees’ of orgasm I guess you could say for a lack of better way to put it. Lately everything has been hard to come by … LOL)

As I sit here writing it I can already start to decipher the problem, or so I think, at this point it’s just a hypothesis. Most of our encounters lately have been assertive, rough, but in my opinion somewhat ‘vanilla’ in the sense that you have dominated in the bedroom but it has been very one-sided lately, pretty much every time.

There hasn’t been much communication about what I need lately and I have not felt like you needed my body to make you sane … like you had to have every inch of me, that you wanted to consume me, body and soul. I haven’t felt like your life source in the bedroom, it’s felt very wham bamm. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that method, I quite enjoy it also, but I am missing the deeper connection that comes first, the one that takes it from rough vanilla to all-consuming D/s. The one I crave to have with you …. that one that makes me feel like you can’t get enough of me and need to force yourself away from my very soul in order to breathe. That one  …..

When our connection is strong the very feeling of your breath on my neck will bring me to my knees, I want that back but I need your time and effort in order to get it.

My life has been exceptionally stressful lately (nothing that needs to go on this site) but even though I’m not showing any other signs, I think this is how I am currently dealing with the stress … I don’t want to be numb.  You can’t fix what’s going on around me, I know that, but you can help tear me down so that I can find myself again, you can help me find my connection to you Sir.

I need a brain vacation, from everything but you …. I would like you to find and touch all of me, please Sir?

Love You Always Sir ❤


First Day of Holidays!!!

Today is the first day of our weeks holidays, well a week and a few days due the this Friday Canada Day holiday!

We haven’t had holiday time since last summer so I’m more than ready for some r & r and to recharge my batteries!

My goals this week are to work on my submissive outlook towards my Sir and try to find some things I can either improve on or just do more of, more often. I find physical actions that place me in an obvious submissive position tend to help Him grow and excel in this lifestyle we have chosen and with things going so well I would like to do my part to help further our progress.

Placing myself in these situations also helps to keep my mindset where I would like it to be when it is the two of us. My job dictates a much different mind space so I too look forward to these small physical actions to keep me balanced and centered when we are together at last!

Lastly, my backside is looking an awful shade of white! Sir is very good at warm up and pacing Himself so I often end up with no lasting physical marks. Once the redness disappears all my bruising is generally deep tissue, enough to remember fun times but nothing to worry about having to hide.

So flirty bunny it is! A little bit of naughty with the right amount of eye lash batting and I should at least get the chase started! Just like any animal, my Bear likes the posturing and the thrill of the hunt! This bunny just so happens to like being pursued and caught!!! lol

Come get me Sir! Love You Always ❤