Working out my Hangups was basically a New Year’s resolution of sorts I suppose you could say and so I thought it would be a good time to access how far I have been able to come in respect to working on and working out all the hangups.
The original post was brought about in part due to a conversation we had had about Sir wanting me to also show interest and pursue Him. Now like a lot of you out there I really don’t have much interest in being the aggressor in the bedroom. This is not to say I can’t, or won’t if He asks me too but it is certainly not my first choice and although I have grown much more comfortable in my skin I still really don’t get very turned on doing so.
I don’t feel silly or foolish or ‘bad’ anymore (not usually, although I have a new method now and so I really am just guessing) but I have found a way of showing Sir how much I desire Him without being the aggressor.
Now I think there is a bit of history needed here for this to make sense. First off, when we first started with D/s and BDSM activities I was falling very much into the story book submissive. I did exactly what I was told and just what I was told, to the letter. The scenes, sex, encounters were all started by and completely dictated by Sir. Fun for sure but we wanted more ….
Eventually we began playing with consensual non-consent encounters. I got to be feisty and sometimes combative and it certainly added a new dimension to the play time. It’s not role-playing because nothing is ever said or done that isn’t us or normally in our relationship with the exception of me pretending I’m not interested! 😉
Anyway, eventually Sir wanted to play/scene/have sex again with His bunny who wasn’t fighting him, who made it very bloody obvious that she wanted Him! So here we reached the first post, the idea that a DOM also wants to be wanted, pursued, desired just as much as the submissive. But if I’m not interested or comfortable in being the aggressor in bed, how did I accomplish this?
Well, the first rule change for us was that I am now allowed to touch Sir sexually without asking permission as long as there is a layer of clothing between us. This allows me to be very coy, or provocative and very obvious for Him but at the same time remain in my submissive place by respecting the ‘barrier’ rule.
The second and most important idea I had to get comfortable with was to not wait/or ‘fight’ His touch, I started to (and still do) open to Him completely with the slightest touch. If He brushes my cheek I automatically close my eyes/or stare longingly into His, I drop my head to the side and ‘purr’ my contentment and want. This normally elitists the comment “Oh those eyes!”
If He comes up behind me and kisses my neck or wraps His arms around me I almost fall to my knees, I rest up against Him if possible and a moan inevitably escapes my lips ….
In more intimate situations still I won’t hesitate to give Him exactly what I think He wants. If He touches my breast I will lean into Him, if He touches my thigh I will open for Him, every touch He makes leads to an exaggerated openness from me. No hesitation, no second thoughts, I present myself to Him completely …. He doesn’t need to order, He doesn’t need to ask, He doesn’t need to ‘fight’.
None of this is aggressive on my part but it does make Him feel very much wanted and needed by me. None of this is faked but it’s not something my hangups would have allowed me to do before. ‘Good Girls aren’t wanton …’ or so my brain would keep me thinking.
For us at least this has given us both what we need. I don’t normally write about our encounters but I have recently read some ladies having the same issues and I’m hoping to share my prospective and hopefully help. 🙂
“That look in your eyes tells me that you need me, that you want me, but mostly …. it tells me that you are completely controlled by me!” says Sir
That’s what we get out of it, sounds like a win win to me.
Love You Always Sir ❤