Out of Sorts, sort of ….

I’m not really sure what to say or how to write this out, its been on my mind a few days now. The problem is I’m not sure how much of it is just in my head and how much of it is just one of those things that my body is doing right now so I just kind of need to deal with it and move on!

Writing it down always seems to make it come together for me, so I guess here goes nothing ….

I’ve discovered that I’m having a really hard time getting turned on lately. Or more so, I get turned on but it kind of stalls? Most of the sexual actions in any of the main erogenous zones are just not working …. it just starts off good but then quickly turns to frustration (thinking okay any time now) and then irritation (both mental and physical) to the point where it is simply just not happening . If I do make it to orgasm, which I always seem to some how or another – but it’s not as intense, not as fulfilling? Not sure what the word is here …

(I know you’re thinking, you just said it wasn’t working and now you’re talking about it’s not as good …. well I have different ‘degrees’ of orgasm I guess you could say for a lack of better way to put it. Lately everything has been hard to come by … LOL)

As I sit here writing it I can already start to decipher the problem, or so I think, at this point it’s just a hypothesis. Most of our encounters lately have been assertive, rough, but in my opinion somewhat ‘vanilla’ in the sense that you have dominated in the bedroom but it has been very one-sided lately, pretty much every time.

There hasn’t been much communication about what I need lately and I have not felt like you needed my body to make you sane … like you had to have every inch of me, that you wanted to consume me, body and soul. I haven’t felt like your life source in the bedroom, it’s felt very wham bamm. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that method, I quite enjoy it also, but I am missing the deeper connection that comes first, the one that takes it from rough vanilla to all-consuming D/s. The one I crave to have with you …. that one that makes me feel like you can’t get enough of me and need to force yourself away from my very soul in order to breathe. That one  …..

When our connection is strong the very feeling of your breath on my neck will bring me to my knees, I want that back but I need your time and effort in order to get it.

My life has been exceptionally stressful lately (nothing that needs to go on this site) but even though I’m not showing any other signs, I think this is how I am currently dealing with the stress … I don’t want to be numb.  You can’t fix what’s going on around me, I know that, but you can help tear me down so that I can find myself again, you can help me find my connection to you Sir.

I need a brain vacation, from everything but you …. I would like you to find and touch all of me, please Sir?

Love You Always Sir ❤


2 thoughts on “Out of Sorts, sort of ….

  1. I wonder whether part of this issue might be (as I myself feel it to be) the wretched menopause. Sometimes I feel as if sex has never been more intense nor satisfying as it is now at this stage of our lives, yet there are many many times when Sir takes His pleasure (as He should and I want Him to) without me even having the slightest bit of desire or need for Him (or ‘it’.)

    For women I believe 95% of sex is not physical but emotional, so that whatever is going on in our mind will reflect and interfere ‘down there.’ We are able to multi-task so much of what goes on in our life, and do it quite well. Yet when it’s time to sleep or be intimate, it is difficult to stop the busy-ness of our brain and be calm and restful or… well, sexy. I wish I knew what it would take to turn the switch and be able to come on command as some submissives profess to do, or at least engage better in the moment. For now, I am simply happy to serve, which after all, as I see it, is my real purpose. When I do have an orgasm, it is usually pretty darn spectacular. Which is more than enough for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m sure it is part to do with the changes in my body, sometimes what worked wonders two days ago seems to have taken a 180 turn!! Normally if my mindset is in a balanced place it’s no really big deal.
    As you mentioned most of the sex for a woman is in the mind and mine was just not getting what I needed to keep me balanced and ‘ready’. Sir and I have a very sensual relationship and when he feeds my submission in that sense my body tends to very quickly follow suit. When it’s not happening that way then I too have a very hard time shutting out the other things on my mind.
    The outside stresses right now are also very high on my plate, higher then what would be normal and I’m certain that has a lot to do with it as well. These are the times I rely on Him and these are the times He gets to show His true Dominance.
    We have communicated, as we always do, and things are already getting back on track. 🙂 Turns out He sensed something too, He just needed my words so He could put it all together and lead Us … He is a wonderful leader, but He can’t read my mind!


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