I know you think I’m sexy, I want to know if you like my cooking …?

Yup, you read that right …. for some reason or other I remember making that exact comment about/to Sir before we had kids and long before any of this D/s business was brought to the forefront! LONG before …. lol We were pretty newly married and playing some board game with friends.

Well as a young, professional woman working in the modern world and just newly married, hanging out and having fun with friends in a similar situation …. everyone’s mouth, including Sir’s, dropped! Hahaha

I’m sure they thought I was joking, I was asked as much if I recall correctly, and to everyone’s surprise, including my own, I was not! Now a quick side note, this was not at all my known personality type, to be Susie Home Maker or picture myself in a kitchen for some man …. It was probably the farthest thing from what anyone would expect, including me! But it happened, just like that ….

Cooking was the one thing I hadn’t done much of (that wasn’t ethnically mine) and at the time Sir loved nothing more than to tell me how His mom made this or His mom made that …. we come from two very different backgrounds and the kitchen/food we were used to was not at all the same as the other’s! I guess the going attitude would have been “if you don’t like it, make it yourself or go get something.” Worrying about what a man thought of your cooking was certainly not what people in my circles would have thought of! lol

That might have been the first time I let slip the fact that I wanted Him to be the man of the house, and that what He thought mattered a lot to me.

As much as I want to be strong and independent and self-sufficient … the list goes on and on and on … the only one I have every truly wanted to please was Sir! I’ve been looking for the proverbial ‘good girl’ from this man for some 20+ years and I can’t explain it, and I can’t put my finger on it, but I can tell you that He is the one, and only one that has ever inspired this in me.

And still does …. every day.

Love You Sir, Always ❤

Happy Tuesday Sir

Not much going on in my mind and LOTS all at the same time!

Nothing too crazy or in need of care but I have so many thoughts and things that need my attention or at least are in need of planning.

Physically I feel like hell, too many things combining again to become somewhat over whelming, with no end in sight of course! Well I know what would likely help BUT I’m not ready to quit working yet so …. one foot in front of the other and carry on!

Emotionally I’m fighting the urge to set up expectations this week that may or may not be met. I’m starting to feel a bit like this dynamic is becoming very one-sided …. I’m not saying it’s true, or that you are doing anything wrong exactly but that is how I’m feeling. Strictly sexually (BDSM) speaking which makes me feel rather selfish …. but there it is!

I know you’ve been working hard lately on a lot of things and they are all working out nicely, at least from what I feel. Maybe that’s why I’m starting to really crave the rest ….

Love You Sir ❤

What happens when Sir isn’t Sir-ing ???

So, I’d love to say that this never happens, that He’s always on the ball and in charge and taking care of business DOM wise. I’d love to say that He is perfect and infallible and can pull this stuff out of His …ummm….hat? lol

Let’s face it, dominants are people too …. sometimes they get side tracked, or preoccupied or just simply don’t see what needs to be done. This is where I call on my submissive strength and carry on. This means the strength He has already given me when He is on the ball! I trust what he has told me, I trust that He wants to be there and help me and I trust that He wants me to be honest and ask ….

So I pull up my ‘big girl panties’, put my misconceptions and ego aside and I talk! I talk to Him, I tell Him how I feel, what I think I need, what I think I want. I let Him decide what to do about it and how to go about it, but I ask, talk, tell! Dominant does not mean mind reader, or perfect, or all-knowing …. but it should mean able and willing to listen, care and act once I have asked.

So what if He doesn’t act like the guy in the story book, or more importantly, the guy in my fantasy …. the guy in front of me loves me and cares for me, all I have to do is give Him ALL the information.

I don’t hint, I don’t pout and I don’t beat around the bush. I speak openly, honestly and respectfully and mostly I trust in Him. I might not always get what I want, but He always gives me what I need!

Love You Sir ❤

 

Submission – the double edged sword

The other evening I had a bit of an emotional overload, a meltdown. No not anger or frustration, just heartbreak.

If I was not your submissive I would not have put myself in such an open and vulnerable position in the first place. I also wouldn’t feel so alive and so complete ….  I wouldn’t have put so much emotion into such a simple gesture and I wouldn’t have been so defeated and disappointed in myself afterwards.

It turned out of course, as it always does, that it was nothing more than a simple misunderstanding and to you at least easily fixed and forgotten. Your wife however would have held on to the failure (at least in my book) for a very long time, probably years …. but I’m not just your wife am I Sir?

You said ‘Give this to me to hold nijntje, let me take this from you, it was not your fault. Let me carry this for you.’

Your dominance over me is magic Sir. Instead of years of self-doubt and pain it took only a few minutes of tears and curling up in your arms to make it all go away.

I did as I was told, I handed over the pain to you to carry. I submitted to your will and you gifted me with your dominance and strength. That night is still vivid in my heart not because I was heartbroken but because of how well I was cared for instead.

Love You always Sir ❤

Oh happy day ….

I’m having a wonderful time living my life and enjoying this journey with you Sir!

I can’t help but think of the subtle differences in my life since we started on this journey of domination and submission. I feel like a better person (not that I ever felt I wasn’t a good person but I feel even better now). I feel better equipped to handle all the stuff life throws at me because I have you to fall back on and rely on.

This new-found freedom in submission gives me peace of mind and a calmness that I can carry with me no matter what might be going on around me. It’s like an invisible shield protecting me from the harshness of the rest of the world.

I just don’t seem stressed or bothered by the things that happen around me ….

I know what it is Sir!! It’s balance …. I have so much control and responsibility with so many things in my life, handing over control of me, to you brings me balance.

Thank you Bear! Love You Always ❤

 

Is this true …?!?

So I have been trying for a while now on and off to make Sir see the benefits of maintenance or reset spankings, in my case anyway.

I’ve written on here about the feelings and relaxation I get from BDSM play and the benefits that come from that in my mind and body. That type of play however with work and kids and responsibilities, not to mention illnesses and winter temperatures has been pretty difficult to come by. There is still a lot of play and kink but in order for me to be totally and completely out of my mind and relaxed the experience needs to go on for hours. It doesn’t feel like hours to me but the clock always assures me otherwise …. so I might not get the amount of R and R that I crave.

Back to the ‘bottom’ of the issue, spankings! Talking about this makes me feel very silly and dumb, yes even for me who doesn’t seem to be phased by much when I need to address this topic I feel ridiculous. More so I think because I have had to open up completely and restate, what seems like, the same thing to Sir over and over. Obviously I’m not doing a very good job of it …  maybe my embarrassment is holding me back …

I’m not the type to act out, and I’m not the type to misbehave or pout or just act bratty in general. I always do everything that has been asked of me and I am very good at remembering and expediting everything, all the time … which means that I never need to be corrected or punished or put in my place in a real situation. (Sometimes I ‘act up’ a little with permission and get ‘punished’ for the infraction but it’s all in fun.)

The last time I was in real trouble and a correction made was last August.

My point I guess is that I do start to feel restless and a bit squirrely in my mind but I never do enough externally to make Sir see that my mind could really just use a reset back to a calm submissive state!

So I’m going to bite the bullet and ask him again. Part of me feels like I’m being toppy and that just feels wrong, and part of me feels very foolish for asking and I don’t like that either …. but if He doesn’t know then it’s my job to be truthful and tell.

For whatever reason a good hard and fast spanking resulting in a stingy ass will calm the crazy that tends to over take me from time to time. Without it I don’t act out like I said before, but I go into a place in my mind that says ‘you are an adult and responsible for your damn self, stop screwing around and grow up. You are in control of your own feelings so figure it out …’ This type of thought puts me back in control, back in charge and not where I now want to be.

 

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Some time later ….

It would appear that Sir was reading and listening after all … Thank you Sir! I feel much calmer all ready.

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

 

Happy Thursday!

Hello and good morning!

I won’t go into details on here because I’m pretty sure you know just what they are Sir but I feel awesome! Thank you for caring enough to make me a priority … as you always do!

The more I give you all of me the better you can take care of me … I can’t imagine doing it any other way. I’m wearing a silly grin and an over all feeling of contentment not because my life is different than anyone else’s, just because I have you in it! 🙂

I know you’re happy too …. no guessing, no pretending, just honesty! D/s

Love You Always Sir ❤