Month: May 2016

Baking, and other D/s activies …

WIN_20160515_144419Baking day today getting some muffins made and a rhubarb crisp! Yummy … I have a rhubarb plant in the side garden and the weather here has been great for growing so I have lots to work with and nothing else to do with it!

I normally have some big dinner planned for Sunday night but we have so many things left over that Sir said we should just do that tonight instead. I make a big meal probably 5 nights a week if not more, makes for lots of extra food even with Sir’s lunches taken care of first. So baking day it is …. the temp has just taken a turn for the cold and it feels really nice to warm up the kitchen, and house and with the smell of baked goods to boot! 😀

As you can see my life is pretty much the same as everyone else’s except maybe that I wear cuffs and my butt is a bit red and slightly sore from some play this morning! 😀 The good news is that the moisturizing routine is still working wonders for the rash and bruising, basically I don’t have either to deal with and we can at times play pretty hard!

I know Sir would love to have me running around baking with nothing but some heels and a sexy apron on but with kids at home it’s just simply not a possibility right now. I did however make sure to put on my white, very light weight track pants that apparently follow my curves just right!! 😉 I’m afraid that’s going to have to do for now.

Happy Sunday! Love You Sir ❤

 

 

 

Little Things, they mean everything to me.

I can’t tell you how happy you made me last night and I know you saw I was pleased but I’m not sure if you know by how much! 😀

When you said that you look forward to coming home even more everyday then ever before you made me very happy. I felt a slight bit of guilt because you said you’d rather just be home now then go anywhere else, I felt a bit guilty for causing you some discomfort …. but I figured you probably like it better that way so I kind of forgave myself! (My brain works in mysterious ways, what can I say.)

The other thing you said was that every time you walk through the door you are sure to find me waiting with a big smile on my face, and that makes your day. That comment not only made me very happy but it also made me very proud of myself!

Of all the kinky sexy stuff, of all the service and servitude, of all the rules and rituals … that was what made me the most proud. I think it’s because it’s not demanded, it’s not on purpose and it’s not planned. It’s just natural and true! 😀

I Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Expectations – being worthy …..

In case there was any confusion on the last post about dominance I just wanted to clear up my view of my responsibility towards a submissive mindset and personal expectations.

Obviously my writings are going to be about my own experiences either in my daily life or in the paths I have crossed with others. For everything I write there are many other experiences and ideals out there that I know nothing about, I simply have not experienced it or found myself in any similar situation. Back to the topic at hand ….

I am not/ nor have I ever been the type of person to think things are owed to me. I have always worked very hard to make my own way and I have never put exaggerated expectations on anyone. What I do expect however is to be treated fairly and with respect. I do not believe there is ever a time for anyone to act cruelly towards another, anything you need to say and any point you need to make can be made in a civilized manner.

Toxic relationships and toxic people are what I would deem not worthy. I am careful to stay away from those types of situations because they do not help my mindset in any respect; not as a submissive and not in life in general.

My dominant would have a very hard time correcting me on something if He Himself was not able to fulfill that same expectation. Being hypocritical is definitely not something he could live with and therefor the expectation of ‘good’ I was referring to was His own expectation of himself. The post was meant to show just a little of the dominant view when asked to fulfill this role we are asking of them … and why some new dominants might be hesitant to step into those shoes.

The story about the dog walk was meant to show that part of submission is staying the course and stepping up our efforts when our DOMs have taken a step back. This is a huge responsibility that we are asking them to take on and in my case anyway my dominant puts huge expectations on Himself in order to deem Himself worthy of leading me …  This might not be exactly what I asked of Him but it is exactly how He took it regardless.

I decided a long time ago that He was worthy or I wouldn’t be here, but I guess that’s what makes me the warrior. I am quite capable and happy to go it alone …. I chose Sir because He is worthy, my job now is to follow but I won’t forget that it is a big job to lead.

Submitting to me means doing what I know He would want, even if He hasn’t yet asked me too, even if He’s not here right now, and even if He’s just not able to take it on right now. I do for Him because I feel it’s right and not because I expect it to be reciprocated.

I know there is a lot here left to be said but I think this is far enough for now ….

Baby number 2 turns 14 today!

I’m not nearly old enough to have two teenagers, am I???

I know I am in reality but I still have that same anticipation when you are just about home, and I still feel all the butterflies about seeing you. Can it really have been this long already?

So many things have changed along the way, but the way I feel about you is still the same. In some instances even better! We are certainly not in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of our relationship but I still get all the excited energy when we are together …. 🙂

And to my young man, you make me proud to be your mom. I can’t believe it has been 14 years since you came into my life, time certainly does fly when you are having fun!

Dominance = responsibility

Asking someone to become your dominant is basically asking them to take on huge amounts of responsibility, not just for you but also for themselves!

Now obviously the person you are asking is a responsible human being or you wouldn’t be giving them this opportunity, but you are now asking them to be SO GOOD that they are worthy of your submission. This is not an easy task, you are asking them to help you and guide you when you want to go off and be ‘naughty’ but that means they need to be better then good …..  ALL THE TIME in order to be worthy.

Think about it, you think yourself a good person, you think yourself someone who tries, but now you want your DOM to be better then what you are and guide you into ….. perfection? We all know that doesn’t exist but that is what you are asking for …. ‘take me as close as I can be to perfect please Sir’.

You wonder why some might have issues or questions about what they are doing or why … I think that pretty much sums it up, don’t you?

If you are into the kinky side of D/s then your DOM is into even more confusion. You are asking them to be good, and worthy and put your needs at the forefront of everything, never let you down, never let you fall, always watch out for you …. but take you, and ‘hit’ you (consensual) and maybe even ‘force’ you (also consensual) but all the while doing the above?!?!?!

The idea of D/s is that you can be your best and worst ….. because someone has got your back. What do you have for them??? Sex and blow jobs is not enough ….. where are you when they are worried or they are down? Yes it is still your life, and you do have a responsibility in it.

I read once a long time ago someone said – I took my dog for a walk but I didn’t feel like I could lead, I didn’t feel like much of anything so I let him go. I took his collar off but he didn’t go anywhere, he stayed by my side, he waited until I was ready and he stayed …. Once I figured myself out and got myself back together I grabbed the leash and collar and put it back where it belonged and we continued our walk.

You can have me and understand me Sir – with both – Slut and Lady – then I can understand you with both too Sir – Leader and Worry ….

I love both, just as you do …

Love You Always ❤

 

Happy Monday!

Feeling pretty good today and I don’t even care that it’s Monday! 😉 I had a wonderful weekend and I’m glad we got to talk too.

I guess I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing my thoughts and emotions, sometimes I don’t even know how much something is on my mind until I start talking to you about it. I’m feeling much better now …..

I even managed to get through a short text conversation with my mother without too much stress, that was pretty cool! I’ll be sure to joke around with you before contacting her in the future as well! 😉 LOL I’ve compartmentalized that part of my life really well! I surprise myself with things that I remember all of a sudden … only they don’t bother me anymore, but they are still puzzling at times.

It was a bit awkward trying to explain to ‘your side’ why I wasn’t seeing my own mother on mother’s day but I think I managed without too much fuss, and the conversation changed quickly enough. I guess if I did have any sort of strange feelings, that would have been it.

That’s pretty much it, easing into some exercise slowly as to not back track on my healing but I am starting to feel pretty good there as well.

Love You Always Sir ❤

Mental Health and BDSM

Before anyone goes off about this topic I would ask you to kindly read all of what I have to say before forming your own opinion and secondly this is MY opinion and I am entitled to have one, just as you are entitled to agree or disagree ….. thank you.

I don’t believe you should be engaging in any sort of BDSM play if you have mental and emotional issues that you are trying to figure out and/or hiding from. I don’t believe you are in the proper mindset to make a ‘safe, sane and consensual’ decision.

Making decisions in this state is no different then making decisions while intoxicated if you ask me. You are not thinking clearly and the choices may not be for the best, or even safe. Using BDSM to cover up your pain or hurt or lack there of is no different then drinking or using drugs for the same reasons. Again, this is my opinion and I am not a certified doctor of any sort but I have dealt with enough emotional and mental baggage to be able to weigh in on this ….

I strongly believe you need to be of sound mind before engaging in this type of activity and any proper dominant will not allow you to partake in BDSM play if your mental state is in question. It is very unsettling to me when I read posts about people using this to cover up their feelings of depression, or anger or hate. It is just as disturbing when I hear of using this to try and ‘feel’ something at all …..

Again, I am speaking from experience here when I tell you that I very strongly disagree with this as a coping mechanism, it does not heal you, it only takes you deeper into the darkness. I do enjoy BDSM play, I find it very relaxing and freeing but it did not fix me. I fixed myself first …. then I very slowly started playing and deciding what was okay for me mentally and what was not. I really suggest to any of you out there to do the same. Fix your demons first …. make sure they are dealt with before you engage in this type of fun or you will only be doing more harm then good in the long run.

I have a couple of hard limits, not many but I know these things will push me into something I do not want to visit because I might not come back from it again. I’ve never felt the victim, quite the opposite I felt very dark, quiet and ominous even,… if I felt anything at all. I needed to heal myself of that before I ever even considered play, not the other way around.

Submissive was a huge step for me …. to trust, to be open, to be honest about how I feel, to let myself feel. I have no intention of messing that up by playing when I’m in a bad place in my mind or heart.

I wouldn’t play if I was numb and I wouldn’t play to become numb …. I play because I no longer am numb.

Love You Sir ❤