Being Honest, and not topping ….

I think it’s not really right to post all these great and wonderful things and times but then not talk about how to deal with the hiccups along the way.

It’s not like we have always played in kinky circles before and this should be first on our minds all the time …. it would be odd if we didn’t fall back into what we did for almost 20 yrs every so often, wouldn’t it?

The dominant thinking and control of the family and me is definitely something that has been worked out and very much a part of Sir’s every day dealings. His confidence in and understanding of His role in this family and in my life leaves no question that He is in charge, and I like that very much. The pressure, the weight and the general feeling of being alone in this has definitely left me and has been replaced with a comfortable calm and peace.  That far out ways any sort of kink, or degree of kink I might be asking for …

I think the play part of our dynamic however was more on the fore front of his mind when we thought we were just playing on weekends… because the D/s of following His lead and pleasing Him has always been a part of me anyway so He just looked at kinky fun weekends as the whole experiment.

Now that it is a 24/7 label and the two parts have come together for us it’s like no weekend excitement is there to get the mind rolling; one day leads into the other and the weekends come and go without any sort of reminder or light bulb to get things going, kink wise … if that makes any sense at all ??? lol 😜 We still play and lots of kinky fun is added here and there throughout the intimate encounters but a full on scene with all the bells and whistles that leads me into subspace and pure exhausted bliss into his arms afterwards has been very hard to come by lately.

Like everyone else we have full and busy lives with work and kids and outside commitments. The other force playing against us is that our teens are almost always home, like always! Most of the louder and more intense play is normally done in our detached garage but it is NOT very well insulated and no matter the amount of heaters you put out there or how long you let them run a little fur-less bunny can only handle the cold for so long before her hands and feet turn purple and hurt! (I also suffer from raynaud’s phenomenon.) Canadian winters are one of the biggest obstacles for us here, and then we go from -20 to +40 in a matter of weeks! From freezing to stifling in no time …. what are a bunny and bear to do!

It may seem to some that I’m walking a fine line of trying to get my needs known without topping …. but I think he knows I’ll do whatever he says/decides so I’m feeling pretty sure on this. Keeping things that I thought Sir couldn’t handle bottled up would be leading and deciding for Him what would be okay to tell and what would hurt His feelings or tear Him down would be leading. I need to trust Him enough to handle this in His own way and decide for Himself if I am being patient but right or if I’m just being self-indulgent and need to be given a reminder of my place. That’s His job, that’s His right and NOT my choice to make. I made a promise to be truthful and honest with my thoughts and feelings so that He could decide what was best for us, keeping my feelings on this from Him now would be breaking that promise ….

So, as you can see it is certainly a complicated issue but I am hoping He will see that my thoughts are valid and decide to indulge me in a little more kink to keep things going and hopefully figure out a way of playing that might be just a bit quieter or maybe a bit more well thought out so that I can get my subspace bliss just a little more often ……. Please Sir??

Love You Sir ❤

 

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